In My Head

The minute I parked into my driveway, I knew something was off. It was clear what, at first, but there was something. I inwardly nudged Mara reluctantly. The only time I seemed to have some peace at mind was when she was asleep. She woke up groggily.

"What dude?" She ran a hand through her invisible hair and yawned.

"Something's wrong." She recovered from her sleepy stupor immediately.

"What's up?" I looked around us. Nothing seemed too unusual. The flower pots were in their respective places. The windows were all shut, blinds drawn. There wasn't any reason to suspect. Except..

"My blinds are open." I said. Mara glanced up at our window and squinted.

"Is this some kind of joke?" She asked.

"No!" I answered defensively. She rolled her eyes and look up again.

"Then you're absolutely moronic. Mom goes in there all the time, you know that." I couldn't shake this feeling. I'd had it all day really, but it didn't make itself known until now.

"Look, I know you're all stressed out over school starting and that freaky new chick, but you can just forget it. You made your point, I know it's better to just lie low. It's just hard, you know? Maybe you're okay with it because you choose to be, but as for the rest of us, meaning me, it kind of fucking sucks that I don't have any choice in the matter. That I couldn't meet people myself even if I tried." I kind of tuned her out when she went on like this. It happened every year at least five times.

"...she's totally cute too and I didn't see anyone talk to her. Except for Bobby, but well, you know Bobby." I focused in on what she was saying.

"And did you that dress? And those boots? Anyone that dresses like that is obviously cool enough to hang with us." I pinched the bridge of my nose and stayed silent. The thing is, she was right. The girl was different. Sure, I only caught a glimpse of her, but I had a feeling. An instinct. She was unique. And everybody needs contact to survive, right? Not just the dead twin in your head. And she doesn't know anything. She doesn't have to. We could be careful. Extremely careful, but it could work. Yeah. Yeah.

No. "It's too dangerous Mara." She rolled her eyes but otherwise said nothing. I got out of our car and walked inside. The stale eggs and bacon were still sitting on the table. My stomach growled.

"Eattttt it." She whispered. She'd be such a fatty if she could eat.

After I finished the eggs I went to do my homework in our room.

"Can we do math first? English jumbles me." She asked. I know, I didn't say. As I sat down with our trig book, she already had the first answer.

"8-49a is .4." She said.

"How do you do that?" I asked.

"What?"

"Just.. figure out everything in your head. So fast."

She shrugged indifferently. "Because I'm not an idiot like you?"

"Whatever." Upside: two brains make for better grades.

The rest of math went by fairly quickly. It was always English that trips her up. After five minutes of reading A Seperate Peace, she sighed in exasperation.

"I don't get it! I don't see how Gene can fel so inferior to Finny."

"Because FInny is the bigger person. There's no competition on his part while everything Gene thinks about has to do with beating Finny."

She frowned. "What?" She doesn't get it because she can't relate.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" she nodded feebly. Walks made her feel better.

Our neighborhood is kind of morphed. It looks like a basic subdivision at first glance, but as the road leads down the trees become more wild. The houses begin to look worn in and the streets are cracked. It transforms and before you know it, you're in a completely different place.

"Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to kiss someone?" Questions like these made me uncomfortable.

"No. Why?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Well I mean, you haven't. So I just wanted to know if you wondered."

"I wonder about everything." I said.

"I know that."

Minutes wentby of complete silence. The road was very silent. Not many people were out.

"I wonder if I'd be a lesbian." She said. I stopped short.

"You what!"

"It was just a thought."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I am entitled to my own thoughts, you know." That made me pause.

"I know. I didn't mean-whatever. Sorry. It just shocked me." I said. She nodded.

"Do you think you would be? Or.. are?"

She shrugged. "I think so. I might be both."

"Why?"

"Because who cares who I'm gonna love if I get to have love at all?"