Honey If You Stay I'll Be Forgiven

“y-y-you know?! How? Does he know?” I started to freak out, what if Gerard hates me because I like him. I always mess shit up so I won’t be surprised if that’s why he ran off when he saw me, oh fucking hell.
“No he doesn’t know, he doesn’t believe that anyone would like him, he has those sluts of a girlfriend to try and make himself feel better. and I know that you have been in love with him because the way you were when you were little, you just got on really well and at that time you were both too young to know about love but you both felt it towards each other. Being Gee’s brother and your best friend I could tell” “Gerard liked me?” I squeaked out “Yep, he still does but is in denial, another reason for the girlfriends, to hide his true sexuality. It’s stupid really, but he’s just scared.” It was silent for a bit while I was collecting my thoughts Gerard likes me? until Mikey spoke up, “I’ll leave you to get settled in, we’ll be having dinner soon anyway, bye” I mumble a “bye” back and fall back on my bed.

So Gerard the love of my life likes me back but is ashamed, I don’t know how I feel about all this. I don’t know if I should be happy he likes me, but I feel like he doesn’t actually like me otherwise he would just show his feelings. Should I be angry at him for being ashamed? I really do not have a clue. I don’t even know if I believe Mikey. I know he wouldn’t lie to me, I knew him for 10 years, and he’s not like that. Still, why would Gerard like me? Especially now, according to the bullies, ‘i'm an emo fag who should go slit my wrists’. I’m not even attractive, I have greasy hair most of the time, I put on loads of eyeliner which sometimes makes me look scary, and I dress in all black, which isn’t very exciting. I think that maybe, he would’ve used to like me but now he’s grown up, he’s 17. But he doesn’t anymore, that’s why he has all the girls around all the time, he likes girls too much to like me, a pathetic excuse of a guy. I’m not going to show my feelings to Gerard, I’ll come across that I hate him, it will be safer for me to hate him than love him as loving him and showing it will just break my heart even further.

I jump off my bed grabbing a face wipe out my bag and walk up to the mirror, I have black bags under my eyes and a streak of black coming down from each eye from my eyeliner running when I cried. I wipe the wipe across my face. It feels nice, the freshness of it, wiping away the pain, it’s a new start here, it’s a new me. I give myself a little nod in the mirror and grab my make up bag, I put on a little red eye shadow and eyeliner and add a tad of black eyeliner to it. Perfect. I spend five minutes putting my clothes in my wardrobe and making my room, mine. I need to get some posters to make this place a little more like my old room. I imagine my perfect room in my head and smile jotting it down in a notepad so I can buy the necessary things later on. “Mikey, Frank, Dinners done!” Donna shouts up the stairs for me and Mikey to come down. I take a last look in the mirror and open my door to see Mikey standing there waiting for me.

“Hey, Mikes” “Hey, Frank, nice eye makeup man” “thanks, I had to wipe off the eyeliner I had on so I just re-did it all” I smile. “It suits you, come on lets have dinner, I bet you want some normal food” he says walking down the stairs. “yessss! I hate aeroplane food so much urg” I shiver dramatically and Mikey just laughs and walks into the kitchen and sits down. I follow him, sitting next to him.

“I wasn’t sure what food you like, and I wasn’t sure if you were still a vegetarian or not so I just got you some tomato pasta, is that alright?” Donna asks placing the pasta in front of me, “yeah that’s fine, thank you. and I still am a vegetarian, I hope that’s not a problem?” I reply. “no sweetie that’s fine, Gerard doesn’t eat much meat anyway.” I smile back and wait for her to sit down to start my pasta. I wonder where Gerard is-wait no. I can’t think of him, I hate him. He soon comes through the door saying, rudely if I must add, to him mom “I told her to come tomorrow, happy?” Donald speaks up, “Gerard Way, don’t speak to your mother like that!” “sorry dad” he mutters sitting down and digging to his pasta. Everyone else starts eating so I do too. I look over at Gerard and he looks up to me and smiles, I can’t take my eyes of his beautiful hazel eyes. when I realise i’m staring I quickly look down and blush. This hating thing isn’t going very well. I look back up and he’s smirking while eating. Fuck, this isn’t going the way I wanted it to go. I dig back into my pasta. The taste of the tomato pasta slides down my throat into my stomach. I want to moan it tastes so good after the food I had to cope with on the flight.

I finish and wait for everyone else to finish, they soon do. Donald goes back to watch TV, Gerard scurries up to his room. “Donna can I have a shower to wash this horrible plane feeling off me, please?” I ask Donna as she starts washing up. “of course, you live here now sweetie, you don’t need to ask!” I run upstairs grabbing my toiletries and going into the bathroom. I realise I need a towel, I walk out and bump into Gerard, we both stand there awkwardly not knowing what to do until I manage to say, “I need a towel, i’m having a shower, do you know where spare towels are?”. “yeah follow me” Gerard says back. I follow him to a little cupboard at the end of the hall, inside there’s loads of towels. “you can use this one, it used to be mine but I have lots of towels so this ones just a spare now” he says giving me a thick black towel and sending me a sweet smile and hurrying away before I can mutter a ‘thank you’. I walk back to the bathroom and start my shower. I do all my showering needs and get out wrapping the towel around me.

Tears start to form in my eyes and I blink them back. The towel smells of Gerard. I sit on the floor with the towel wrapped around me and just reminisce about when I was back here with Gerard as my best friend. I miss being close to him, hearing his laugh, his smile, the smile that was real and not forced, I miss him.

–Knock, Knock- someone’s at the door, I cough and answer “yyeah?” “Frankie, you alright, you’ve been in there for a long time?” its Mikey, worrying his ass off like he usually does. I smile a bit before standing up and putting my clothes on. “yeah, i’m just coming out now” I grab my toiletries and wrap the towel round my neck and head out. “you alright about, you know?” he asks in a almost whisper. “yeah, why wouldn’t I be? You know I am 16 now, i’m not 10, and I am stronger now” I lie giving him a laugh and messing up his hair. “hey! Don’t touch my hair!” I stick my tongue out at him and go into my room.

I take off my clothes and into my skeleton pyjama onesie, deciding to go to bed. I go downstairs say goodnight to Donna and Donald and go back upstairs. I knock and go into Mikey's room saying night, he replies night and I walk out closing the door behind me. I stand in front of Gerard’s room, debating weather I should say goodnight or not. I suppose I’ll just shout through the door. “Night Gerard!” I shout, I hear a few bangs and he opened the door and stared at me. “Hey! I used to have a onesie like that!” shit I forgot the whole reason behind this onesie. “yeah we had matching ones when we were little, my mom kept on ordering me a new one whenever I grew out of the one I had. She kind of holds on to the past…”I say the last part shakily, she had only brought me one because she knew I missed Gerard and Mikey and whenever I saw anything ‘skeleton’ it made me smile. “oh yeah, anyway goodnight, you must be tired” he says quickly after. “yup, so night” I say turning away and going into my room not looking back to see his reaction. I jump into bed and fall asleep dreaming about running my hands through Gerard’s hair and kissing him deeply. I know I shouldn’t dream about him, I shouldn’t think about him like that either. I just can’t help it.