The Person Within Me

There was a piercing stab of pain in the back of my head and I shut my eyes closed trying to will it away. It didn´t work, though of course I already knew that; I´d been having headaches every single day for the past few months. I opened my eyes again and shook my head as I stood up from my bed and tried to ignore the pain as I went on to get ready for school.

By the time I entered the kitchen my parents were already eating their breakfast, my dad reading the morning paper and my mom watching a morning gossip TV show. They both looked up when they saw me and directed happy smiles as my mom stood up to give me my breakfast.

“Thanks,” I said when she placed the plate of eggs in front of me.

We made small chit chat for a while and it took my dad three minutes to notice me pushing my food absentmindedly in my plate.

“Something wrong, kid?” he asked raising both eyebrows.

I shook my head. “Nah, just a headache.”

From across the table my mom made a disapproving sound. “I think it´s time you see a doctor about that, Shiloh.” I made a face at her because I had been the one that said it was not normal for me to be like this, but she was always busy with something. “Yeah, I know, this has gone on for too long.” She stood up and grabbed something from a cupboard before placing a white pill in front of me.

“Fine,” I obliged sending her a grateful smile. “But it´ll have to wait till the holidays, I have too much work right now.”

I could see my mom wanted to object, but she bit her tongue and nodded with a small smile. I knew she couldn’t hide the fact that she was just too happy that at least one of her daughters cared enough about school that it might actually lead her to a good college.

My eyes glanced to the clock on the microwave and I pushed my plate away as I stood up just in time for my sister to show up. I glanced at her and shook my head already knowing what my parents would say. It took my dad less than ten seconds to look up from his newspaper and the vein in his forehead was already pulsing.

“Oh, no no no,” he said as he looked Sam up and down, “you will not be going to school in those shorts, young lady.”

Sam rolled her eyes as she grabbed an apple from the counter. “Oh, dad, don´t be so dramatic. They´re not even that short.”

I feared my dad was about to have a heart attack just by the look of his red face, but he didn’t have much time to say anything else before there was a loud honk of a car just outside our house. Sam´s eyes glinted triumphantly and she beamed at my father. “I don’t have time to change to something else anyway.”

I shook my head again as I picked up my bag from the floor and walked towards the front door. I could still hear my dad´s disapproving voice as he shouted a goodbye when I walked outside. The small black car was waiting just in front of my driveway and loud music filled the air when I opened the passenger door and got in.

Hunter gave me a smile as we waited for my sister to settle in the backseat, when she did he started driving and Sam let out an, “Morning, Hunter.”

He nodded. “Hey, Sammy, where did the rest of your shorts go?”

I chuckled and turned slightly to look at her, she rolled her eyes like she always did and said, “Ha ha, you´re so funny.” She pretended to be offended, though in reality I could see the satisfied spark in her eyes at the fact that Hunter had noticed her long lean legs. I turned to him again and laughed as he grinned and leaned forward to lower the volume of the stereo and launched into a full interrogation of the only day of the week I hadn´t seen him.

At school Sam went with the juniors while Hunter and I parked the car without a hurry and made our way inside talking about the party he had gone to on Friday. “It was pretty lame, actually, I could´ve used you there.”

I laughed. “Yeah right, I know you had pretty good company.” As I said that we stopped by my locker and he leaned next to me shaking his head.

I looked across the hallway and there stood Claire, the girl who had gone to the party with Hunter. Her eyes were shamelessly glued to him and her hands fidgeted with the gem of her shirt as her friend talked about something that was clearly not as important as Hunter. I chuckled. “What do you do to these girls?” Hunter followed my gaze and Claire immediately jumped and tried to pretend she hadn’t been eating him with her eyes. He laughed and shrugged. “Seriously, what do they see in you that makes them forget any ounce of dignity they once had.” I looked at him and smirked. “I certainly don´t see it.”

“Ouch,” he said gripping his chest where his heart is supposed to be, “you hurt me, Keller. I don´t understand what you think is so wrong; I give them a good night, they have fun and I have fun, we all win.”

I closed my locker and zipped my bag before looking once again at Claire who had forgotten she wasn’t supposed to be staring at Hunter so openly. “So why wasn’t the party good? It wasn’t a good date?”

He stared down at me. “It wasn´t a date.”

“Oh, you should tell that to her,” I laughed shaking my head.

“I did.”

I stopped laughing and glanced at him trying to see the joke in his green eyes. When I found none, I exclaimed, “You what?!” He chuckled and we started walking again. “You´re such an asshole!” I slapped his arm.

“I´m not an asshole, I´m honest, there´s a difference,” he replied.

“Yeah, there is,” I agreed.

We reached his locker and it was my time to lean next to him as I waited. I rubbed two fingers on each temple and closed my eyes thinking of how the noise of the life in school was only making my headache worse. When I opened my eyes Hunter was frowning at me. “What´s wrong with you?”

I sighed. “Just a migraine.” He arched an eyebrow; ‘Again?’, I knew he was asking. I shrugged my shoulders and tried to focus on something else. “It´s nothing, it´ll go away soon.”

He looked at me concerned and ruffled my hair making me glare. “I´ll see you at lunch, try not to undress Dawson with your eyes,” he chuckled walking away and leaving me with wide eyes and a hot blush creeping up my neck. Hunter swore everyone in school knew about my endless crush in Tyler Dawson, but I always hoped the contrary.

I looked around discretely trying to see if anyone else had heard and my heart was able to go back to its normal rate when I saw no one was staring at me. I made my way to history class with my eyes on the ground in case anyone glanced at me and caught a glimpse of the dark blush that was still lingering in my cheeks. The classroom was half full when I got there and I made my way to my usual seat to the left side, next to the large window. I sat and rested my head in my hand as I waited for the headache to lose intensity as it normally did around this time.

Just a minute before the bell rang; Tyler Dawson entered the room and made his way to the seat right in front of mine. I always knew he was going to sit there and my heart always raced and went wild when I saw him walking down the aisle. I never understood why he chose to sit by me, there certainly were other people in this class that he was better acquainted with than me, but whatever it was, I thanked my lucky stars for it.

He sat down and immediately turned towards me with a small smile that made my heart melt. “Hey, Shiloh, how was your weekend?”

“Uneventful,” I said trying to keep my voice even. “Yours?”

“The same,” he said with a nod.

I chuckled. “I don´t believe you.” He looked up at me and laughed too. We both knew his weekend was anything but uneventful, life was never uneventful for Tyler; he was the schools favorite boy. There was always a party, a girl waiting for a date, a friend looking for a wingman or an endless list of options.

My fingers were tapping against the wooden surface of the desk as I looked at the crease between Tyler´s blue eyes as he looked at his cellphone. I knew he could tell I was staring at him, and thinking about it, I knew he was aware of the feelings I had for him. But I thought it only made him a better person that he didn’t treat me differently because of it, he didn’t flirt with me either, but that was okay. I was more than satisfied with his friendship.

Tyler´s eyes moved from his IPhone to my fingers and a small smile of amusement crossed his lips. “Are you okay? You seem… anxious.”

A deep red color rushed to my cheeks and I cursed mentally for not being able to control myself better. But with him I really couldn’t help it, I was so nervous whenever I saw him; my stomach was in knots and I could barely from coherent sentences.

“I´m fine,” I said with a small smile.

He opened his mouth to say something else, but in that exact moment the teacher walked in and started going through assistance. Tyler turned around in his seat and I knew that was going to be all the conversation we were going to share in the day; the next day would be exactly the same and so forth. Just a couple of minutes before History class. I cherished those minutes.

Mr. McDowell kept on calling names as his eyes scanned the classroom and I found my own eyes drifting towards the window next to me. I´m fine, I thought, I´m always just fine.

&&

The last class of the day was coming to an end, and the long school hours were weighting on me; pressing down my shoulders. I had asked Mrs. Rush permission to go to the bathroom to get away from everything for just a moment. When I pushed open the door I noticed it was empty and I let out a happy sigh as I walked to the sinks.

The girl looking back at me through the mirror had a very small resemblance to the one I´d seen that morning. My dark brown eyes were tired, exhausted really, and my eyebrows were pulled down with the effects of the headache that had refused to go away. I didn’t understand, normally my headaches lasted just a couple of hours tops. Why wasn’t it giving up this time?

I closed my eyes and pressed each of my thumbs to my temples and my index fingers to my forehead.

“Perhaps it means something,” a voice said. And I snapped my eyes open and looked around me startled.

I´d thought the bathroom was empty, there hadn´t been a single noise since I entered. Not until now. I walked closer to the stalls and pushed open all the doors; there was no one in there. Then who had talked? I frowned. More than that, who could´ve possibly said that? I was sure I hadn´t thought out loud, but the sentence spoken fit perfectly as a reply to my thoughts.

I stared at the mirror, the look of utter confusion displayed in every feature. Maybe I´d said it. Maybe I hadn´t realized I had spoken, maybe it was the headache acting out.

“Of course is the headache,” the voice spoke again, and I almost gasped. I had been looking at myself in the mirror and it was definitely not me, my lips had never parted, “it means you´re finally letting me in. Took you long enough.”

Scared, I looked around once again. Someone had to be here, someone was playing me a really sick joke. But then why where the words so exact to my silent thoughts? How could someone answer me something that they couldn´t have heard themselves.

The next words had a ring of cockiness, they were mocking me. “Isn´t it obvious? It´s because I´m inside your head.”