The Person Within Me

Freedom.

It took some time getting used to being able to do whatever she wanted after all the time she´d spent being nothing but an unknown desire. She was unsure of how to use the body the way Shiloh did so effortlessly, but after some time it just started to respond to her as if it was her own. Which it was.

Eva loved the power it gave her, the control she had over everything she did. She no longer had to stand aside as Shiloh went about her life in the most useless way. She could speak all the things she had wanted to say for so long, she could take advantage of the short time the body would be hers and she wasn’t going to waste a single second.

The best part was the privacy she had, the amazing quietness that had never been a part of her life. Unlike Shiloh, while Eva was in control of the body she didn’t have to endure the irritating thoughts of the other girl. She had complete freedom to use her time and words, and she wanted more than anything to start doing things.

It was bad timing, though; there wasn’t much she could do in the small room of her house. There were no people nearby apart from her family and she had no desire to spend any time with them, not as Shiloh was always eager to waste her time with her small-minded sister and emotionally detached parents. No, she´d have to wait till the next day and she had no doubt she could keep Shiloh away for that long; the girl was weak and Eva was powerful.

Eva was finally alive.

&&

The morning rituals were a blur to her, she didn’t pay as much attention as the silly girl did. She enjoyed waking up and being able to choose the clothes she was going to wear- not that she would ever choose something as vulgar as Sam´s latest outfit. She enjoyed staring at the mirror and seeing herself, not Shiloh with the shy eyes, small smile and frown because of the terrible headaches. No, in her place stood Eva smirking and eyes glinting with anticipation of being pulled into the social life that Shiloh had so mindlessly forgotten.

Her parents didn’t notice any difference when she walked into the kitchen, and it didn’t really surprise Eva, they had never cared to look beyond what the silly girl portrayed on the surface. She noticed her mother putting together a breakfast, but she shook her head. “I´m not hungry, I´ll just have an apple.”

“Shiloh, you can´t skip another meal. I saw that you didn’t eat the food I left for you yesterday,” her mother accused.

Her father looked up from the morning paper with a raised eyebrow. “This isn’t some kind of way to lose weight, is it? I thought we didn’t have to worry about you in that area.”

Eva raised an eyebrow unimpressed. “Of course, cause why waste any time in me when Sam needs so much more attention.”

Her parents both frowned at that, unhappy that their daughter was showing another side of her; one that they should´ve seen coming. Because how much can a girl endure as the entire attention of the household was directed to the one person? Just because Shiloh seemed so normal and peaceful didn’t mean Eva had to hide the resentment that had grown every single day Shiloh stayed quiet about her parent’s not so subtle favoritism.

“What are you talking about?” her mother asked hurt. “We pay attention to you. But you are more mature than your sister; you are easier to talk to.”

“Easier to control, you mean,” Eva replied with a raised eyebrow.

Her father shook his head. “Of course not, Shiloh. How could you-?” But he couldn’t finish his sentence because Sam walked into the kitchen and all he could think about was if his daughter owned a pair of shorts longer than five inches. “Again, Sam?”

Eva chuckled humorlessly and shook her head. “Right. Sam again.”

Her father, just realizing what he had done, sighed and tried to speak but Sam was already whining about how it was so ‘ancient’ that her parents wanted to control the way she dressed. Eva took one look at her sister and for a moment she couldn’t blame her parents so much, how could they look at anyone else when there was this person looking for attention anyway possible?

“What´s gotten into you, honey?” her mother asked somewhat sad.

“Perhaps I´ve always been like this, you just never cared enough to notice.”

The honk of Hunter´s car was more than welcomed and Eva grabbed an apple from the counter and started to make her way out of the house. She paused in the front door of the house and looked back at her sister. “Oh, and you need to stop flirting with Hunter, otherwise you´ll walk school every day.”

Sam raised her eyebrows amused and a small smirk curled her lips. “You can´t tell me what to do, you two aren’t even a couple.”

“No, we´re not. But I know for a fact he thinks the way you go around swinging you ass at everybody it´s pathetic.” Eva showed a smirk of her own and pulled the front door open before adding, “of course, you´re welcome to walk.”

She crossed the front lawn with Sam fuming behind her; Eva knew her sister was not embarrassed, she was angry that Shiloh had spoken to her like that. She never did before. But Eva didn’t care in the least, she´d spent years watching how Sam pushed Shiloh around while she could do nothing about it.

Hunter grinned at her when she sat next to him and greeted Sam with a simple ‘hey’, to which she just nodded and looked out the window. The ride was unusual; normally Hunter made all the talking while Shiloh laughed at him and Sam tried to push her way to the conversation. But this time Eva could finally talk to the best friend she had never been able to see properly because of Shiloh´s stupid limitations. Hunter was more than pleased with the strange behavior of his friend; he always hoped she would open up to him more.

When they got to school, Sam basically ran to her friends, eager to escape from this new version of her sister. Eva and Hunter walked towards school with the time counted for their first class, the only one they shared in the day, she finished the last of her apple and tossed the leftover in a trashcan and accepted a piece of gum he offered her.

“Are you and Sam in a fight or something?” he asked. “She was awfully quiet.”

Eva shook her head and rolled her eyes. “No, I just told her she had to stop flirting with you, it´s getting annoying.”

His head snapped to look at her properly with raised eyebrows; he never imagined Shiloh would say something like that to her sister and even more so that she would admit it to him so openly. He wasn’t going to complain, though, he was tired of the way Sam flaunted herself at everybody, especially him who would never see her as anything else than Shiloh annoying little sister.

Eva walked inside the classroom and Hunter followed with a sideways grin on his lips. They found their seats to the back of the room and didn’t have any time to talk because the teacher was already in her desk going through assistance.

Hunter couldn’t help but stare at his friend several times during class; he could see there was something different about her but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. It wasn’t something physical but at the same time it was, because whatever was going on with her, showed in her eyes. In the spark that had been absent before that day.

She knew he could tell there was something different, and it made her stomach lurch to see that he was pleased with the change. With her. She looked at him and wondered how it was that Shiloh had seen past him for so long, her eyes searching for someone that could never compare. He felt her stare and turned to her, Eva simply smiled and went back to do her work.

It felt so good to feel her body as her own.

When the class was over they had to go in different directions, but just before she could walk away, he stopped her. “Shiloh,” he called her, and Eva was irritated that he´d used her name, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

He shrugged. “No headache today?”

Eva grinned happily. “No, not today.”

That seemed to be enough for him and she turned around ready to go on with the rest of her day. If Shiloh had been in control she would´ve been waiting eagerly for History class at the end of the day, to see him. But Eva wasn’t, and when the time did come she sat down and waited hoping she could make a change in Shiloh and Tyler´s usual two-sentence conversations.

When he walked in she observed him openly, she could tell he noticed the way she looked at him and it surprised him because Shiloh was always so shy, trying to hide her crush for him even if he already knew about it. Eva saw no reason to act like she did; always guarded, never letting herself enjoy things.

Eva stared at Tyler wanting to understand what Shiloh saw in him. He was definitely attractive, not even she could deny it. But she didn’t like the way he treated Shiloh, knowing she had a crush on him, he should either ignore her or ask her out. Because doing neither was a small torture for the stupid girl, but she never saw it like that. She thought it made him a better person the way he treated her just like a little kid, not really getting close, but staying close enough for her to see what she couldn’t have.

He sat down with an amused smile at the way she hadn’t taken her eyes of off him. “Hey, Shiloh. You seem different today.”

She thought so little of him; she never imagined he would notice it wasn’t the same girl so quickly. “Different how?”

“I don´t know.” He shrugged. “Just different.”

“Well, everyone has to try different things now and then, and see how they turn out.” She smiled.

He chuckled with a grin. “And how have they turned out?”

“You tell me.”

He stared at her before smiling a loop-sided smile. “I think it´s great.”

Her eyes sparkled; he seemed like the perfect tool to get back at Shiloh for everything she had done to her. “That makes two of us.”

&&

Eva knew she hadn´t done much to change Shiloh´s life. But she was smarter than the other girl; she knew that while things took years took slow years to build; they needed merely a second to be put into chaos. And Eva didn’t want just any type of chaos; she wanted every type and all at the same time.

She wanted to break Shiloh, only that way she would be able to truly claim her freedom.

There was so much time to piece everything together so that it all blew up at the same time and Eva could already see that she would enjoy endlessly doing it. Especially because she would do it right in front of Shiloh, with her knowledge, and she wouldn’t be able to do a thing to stop it.

And when Eva saw Hunter at a distance walking towards her with an unusual smirk and her stomach knotted and her knees buckled, she was sure there was more than one reason to her motives.

Hunter didn’t know what had gotten inside his friend, but he was going to take advantage of it to the last second, and when they parked in front of her house and Sam bolted out of the car, he stopped her. “Hey, wait a second,” he said grabbing her wrist. “Did you hear about Kyla´s party this Friday?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Hunter, when do I ever hear about parties?”

He laughed and nodded. “Okay, then I´m telling you. There´s a party this Friday and I was hoping you´d come, I know you don’t like parties, but you always leave me alone on the weekends and I really think you should get out more.”

“Sure, okay,” Eva nodded with a smile.

“Really?” He raised both eyebrows surprised.

Eva chuckled at his response and said, “yeah, really,” before getting out of the car and walking towards her house sending him one last wave. When she crossed the door she notice there was no food set at the table and she grabbed a note from the fridge from her mother that stated she would be busy with work.

Not feeling particularly hungry, Eva climbed the stairs just to run into Sam as she came out of her room. She was still angry, that was easy to tell by the look she gave her. She crossed her arms and glared as she spoke. “I always thought you had crush on Tyler Dawson, everyone in school knows. But I think it was only a way to hide your feeling for Hunter.”

“Oh, c´mon, Sam. Let´s not pretend you´re angry because of that; we both know what really pisses you off is that someone had the balls to call you off,” Eva scoffed with a smirk.

“Call me off on what?” Sam asked amused.

Eva walked closer and leaned forward so that every word hurt more. “On what everyone knows but feel too sorry for you to tell you: that you have so little self-esteem that you only get with other girl´s guys to make yourself feel better while they feel bad about themselves.”

“That´s not true,” Sam said blushed.

“You know, I´ve always felt so embarrassed that my little sister is one guys made their booty call,” Eva said her fingers trembling slightly and she knew she was losing control. “I wonder if mom and dad will still prefer you over me when you end up knocked up.”

To that Sam smiled. “Mom and dad would prefer me over you no matter the circumstances, you are just so invisible. Hunter has always had you right there and he prefers to date every other girl at school than you…”

Eva took a deep breath trying to keep Shiloh at bay as long as possible, but she could already feel her words being tied back by the other girl´s presence and the hard pain on the back of her head as she was locked up again.

&&

Everything was blurry and I could feel the headache that had forgotten me when Eva became a part of my life. I expected to be lying on the floor of my room when I opened my eyes, but around the fuzzy lines all I could see was Sam standing in front of me with crossed arms and angry eyes.

I looked around trying to understand what had happened, but all I got was more confusion. Then I realized Sam was speaking and I furrowed my brow trying to understand what she was saying.

“…Hunter has always had you right there and he prefers to date every other girl at school than you. I bet you hate to see me flirt with him because you know he would take me over you any day!”

I frowned. “What? What are you talking about, Sam?”

My sister opened her eyes annoyed and shook her head. “What, you ran out of things to say?”

“I don’t- I-” I blinked three times quickly as I tried to find my memories, but I couldn’t remember anything since the time when I was in my room, falling. “What day is today?”

“Tuesday,” Sam answered looking at strangely, like I had completely changed the subject.

Tuesday? No, that couldn’t be right. How could an entire day have passed without me knowing it? Where was I all this time? Where were my memories? “I don’t remember anything," I said more to myself than her.

She scoffed. “Oh, now you have amnesia. How convenient.” She brushed roughly past me and disappeared down the stairs.

Amnesia. Was that really it? I´d read about it before, that people with multiple personality disorders often had black outs. That was the time when the other personalities acted out, when they had control of the body.

I gasped silently as my heart started to race. Where was Eva now, and what had she done with an entire day all by herself?