As Free as a Caged Bird

It was a normal Wednesday afternoon when Elena runs up to me, her cellphone clutched in her hand, as she tries to pull on her rain coat. Outside it's storming worse than in the biblical days of Noah. I look up from my boredom-induced take of inventory. Her eyes are silently pleading to me.

"Hey, Becca, I just got a call from Jared. Kendel is going into labor and I've already told Miss Caroll that I have to be there no matter what. My three o'clock is going to be here any minute. Can you fill in for me? I will totally give you all the pay for it. But I have to go."

My eyes widen. I've only been at the salon for a good three months. I've only done the small stuff - trims, bangs, kids - but Elena's kind of customers? I take a deep breath, and tell myself I can do it. I really need the money... A small smile pulls at my lips.

"Sure, Elena. No problem. I can handle it."

"You sure? I can totally call him and cancel, but if you can-"

"Yes, Elena, I can handle it. Now go! And bring back cute pictures of your niece or nephew!" I call the last bit after her as she runs out of the building and into the pouring rain. I laugh and shake my head at her before continuing what I was doing. Once I finished the last page on the clipboard, I look down at my watch.

3:14

I frown slightly, and look up to see what I can out through the front windows of the salon. The only things I can clearly see through the rain are the speeding cars and their bright lights reflecting off the sheets of rain that continues to spill on the West Coast. I sigh and go to the back to take the clipboard to Miss Caroll, the owner of the salon I've been working at since I left... that place.

I sigh again and run a hand through my blonde hair, my finger pulling at the end of the strands. I'm not used to the color yet. I wish I had my brunette back, but I'm stuck with what I have. I can never go back to who I was.

Handing the clipboard to Miss Caroll, she smiles and I send one back. "Did Elena tell you about her sister?" I ask, and Miss Caroll nods. Just then, the bell of the front door rings, signalling someone has walked in. Miss Caroll points toward the front.

"And that's probably her three o'clock. You better get your little ass out there, Becca."

I laugh and stick my tongue out at the older woman before pushing past the door and then the beads that create a barrier between the store front and the back office. Standing at the front, shuffling to take off a wet coat and clean the water from his boots, stands a tall man with his back to me. I put on my best greeting smile.

"Hey there! You must be Elena's client. She had to run off just a few minutes ago, but I've agreed to take you in her place. I'm Becca."

I walk up to him, ready to offer my hand for a friendly shake, but as I'm barely five feet away, he spins around. Those beautiful brown eyes that I left behind are back, and burning holes into my soul, yet again. I stop mid-step. Disbelief covers my face as my heart aches horribly at what has just happened. But as I realize that, I also realize that no matter what happens, I'm not going back with him. I can't go back with him.

And if it must come to it, one of us will be leaving this building in a body bag.

"Rebecca," he says softly, almost as if he's just seen a ghost. To him, I must seem like a ghost. How long has it been since he pushed me away?

I spin on my heel and move in the direction of my station. He follows me like a lost puppy.

"Rebecca! Rebecca, look at me." He reaches for my wrist, but as soon as his skin touches mine, I pull my arm away from him as if I've been shocked, and turn back.

"Don't touch me," I hiss, and go to the small counter that is plastered to the wall under my mirror. He comes up to me again, but I don't give him the chance to try and touch me. "Sit down," I tell him, pointing to the chair. He does just that, but stills try to talk to me.

"Rebecca, please, you have to listen to me. For the last six months you are all I have been able to think about and-"

"What do you want done?" I ask, ignoring every word he tries to say. He frowns, his eyes holding confusion.

"What?"

"Your hair. What do you want done?"

The confusion turns to anger and he goes to stand up. "Fuck my hair, I'm trying to talk to you!"

"Well I really don't want to talk to you, Syn! So either sit down and let me do my job or get the fuck out!"

His anger fades almost immediately, and my heart aches, longing for what we used to have.

"You called me Syn..." he says quietly. I frown.

"That's your name, isn't it?" I spit back out, malice lacing my words. My mouth feels dry, but its from the nerves that make my hands shake. He notices but says nothing.

"I thought we had gotten past all that, Becca?"

The way he says my name makes me want to cry. I remember the ways he used to say it, but only the good ways. When we were laughing. When we were happy together. When he told me his true name. When we made love.

"I thought so too, and then you went and pulled that shit on me."

I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe at the corner of my eyes, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill. He reaches out for me, but I slap his hand away. I'm surprised when he catches my hand, and squeezes it. He doesn't let go. His fingers intertwine with mine, and I can feel the warmth the calloused skin fills my body with, just like they used to do. The tears start to fall, but I quickly wipe them away. After a strong tug, I pull my hand away and step back. He doesn't follow me this time.

"I finally started to sleep through the night. At first, the nightmares kept me up for days, and I only slept when I couldn't keep my body awake any longer. Even then, the nightmares were there."

"I'm so sorry," he reaches out to wrap his arms around me, but stops when I cringe and take another step back.

"I went to my brother's place. I stayed there for three weeks before I left and went looking for a job. I had to find a way to distract myself," I tell him. "I tried to be a waitress, but one day I saw Jimmy and..." My chest tightens as I drown a sob. "I ran out and never went back. I tried being a receptionist for my brother, but all the voices sounded like yours and... and I've come to fear ever phone call I get."

I finally dare to look up at him. His brown eyes are soft, filled with sorrow and the need to apologize.

"Then I happen to walk by this place three months ago and thought I would put my beauty school skills to work. I've only been doing the small stuff but... but I've been happy here. The nightmares stopped about a week after I started here and... and I can sleep. I finally began to move on, Syn, and I was so happy." My features turn dark. "And then you had to walk through that fucking door and ruin all the happiness I had built."

"I'm sorry! You have no clue how sorry I am, Becca." There he goes again, saying my name in that sorrowful voice of his that makes me feel like the bad guy. "As soon as I found out you left, I searched everywhere. I've still been searching-"

"You've done a pretty shitty job of it," I snarl, my lip curling up. He winces, almost as if I've hit him with a physical blow. It probably felt like I did.

"And then I realized that you didn't want to be found. I still looked, but slowly I came to the see that you were gone and I was never going to see you again."

"I wish it had been that way. I was starting to get back with the flow of things, Syn. I was finally becoming the Becca that people remembered before I disappeared."

"I've missed you."

I give a sarcastic cackle. "You've missed me? Oh, that's is fucking grand, Brian. Fucking grand. You act as if I left on my own!" I catch myself from saying his name, and pray he doesn't notice. I know he does, but the anger in his eyes distract him.

"You did! You did leave on your own accord!"

The anger that takes over my body makes me step up to him, my chest pressed against his, my face just inches from his. My teeth are clenched, and my fists are in hard, strained balls at my sides.

"I. Didn't. Leave." I get through my teeth. "You. Pushed. Me. Away."

I step past him, and begin walking toward the back to gather all of my things.

"Don't you walk away from me, Rebecca Lawrence! We are not done talking!"

"Yes the fuck we are!" I yell back, grabbing onto the first thing I can get my hands on; a thick, metal curling iron. I throw it at his head, using my experience as a softball pitcher to aim for between his beautiful brown eyes. He moves out of the way just in time, and the curling iron hits a shelf, causing things to crash to the floor. Miss Caroll comes running out of her office, asking what was going on between us.

"I'm leaving," I spit angrily, grabbing my purse and umbrella before trekking out into the rain. Miss Caroll stands in the middle of the front room, bewildered at my attitude. Brian stands off to the side, his hands balled into fists. They both watch me walk out of the store. Neither follow me.

But deep down, I wish Brian had.