Let the Walls Fall Down

Alex has been back in LA for a couple of days and we’ve talked a lot on the phone but haven’t seen each other since we’re both pretty busy. But were planning on seeing each other tonight, a group of us are going bowling. To say I was excited to see him was an understatement. I know we’re just friends, but I can’t help but be overly excited to be in his presence. Alex was the first boy I gave my heart to and I never really got it back. I never stopped loving him and I just hope that we can be back together soon.

But for now I am going to go visit one of my really close friends Tiffany Thornton, well now Tiffany Carney, and her precious baby. I need to start making my Christmas rounds so everyone has their presents. Plus I miss Tiffany so much; I have been neglecting my friends since I started X-Factor. And my best friend from Texas, Marissa, has been staying with Tiffany so it gives me a chance to see them both even though Marissa will be going bowling with me tonight.

“Demi! I’ve missed you so much!” Tiffany gushed when she opened her door.

“I’ve missed you too!” I hugged her tightly. “I come baring gifts!” I held up the bags in my hands.

“You didn’t have to do that.” She said as she took the bags and let me inside. “Marissa, Demi is here!” she yelled through her house.

“I wanted to. I had to spoil KJ sometime.” I smiled.

“As everyone else.” She laughed. “Lets go to the living room, all the girls are in there.”

“Girls? Who else is here?” I asked, she hadn’t told me anyone else was supposed to be here.

“Cassie and Debby are here.” She told me as I followed her through the house. When she said ‘Debby’ I felt my stomach drop. I suddenly didn’t want to be here. And let me tell you how much tension was in the room when Debby saw me standing there. You could cut it with a knife.

“Dems!” Marissa squealed and got up to give me a hug. “Can’t wait for tonight, it’s going to be so much fun.”

“What’s tonight?” Tiffany asked.

“Oh we’re going bowling. You should come; it’ll be a bunch of people. Selena wants to introduce our friends to the guy she’s been seeing.” I explained nervously.

“They aren’t dating, so why does it matter?” Debby snapped and Tiffany looked at her shocked.

“He wants to date her; he’s just waiting for her to be ready to be in a relationship. And it’s none of your business.” I snapped at her.

“Whoa, what is going on here?” Tiffany asked confused as she got in between us.

“Nothing, I have to use the restroom.” I said and walked out of the room.

When I came out of the restroom, I was cornered by Debby. I tried to walk around her but she blocked me in the corner. “I want you to leave my boyfriend the hell alone. I’ll be damned if I let you steal him from me.” she warned me.

“I’m his friend, so if you have a problem with him and me being friends then maybe you should back up and see that there is already a problem that’s not me. You have to trust him.” I rolled my eyes at her. Who does she think she is? If we weren’t at Tiffany’s house I probably would have punched her.

“I do trust him, but I don’t trust you.” she retorted. It’s pretty hilarious that she’s telling me all of this when I’m the one who told Alex not to break up with her.

“If you don’t get out of my way, I will punch your pretty little face.” I warned her as I tried to get out of the corner.

“And I am telling you that I can and will make your life a living hell if you don’t leave Alex alone. And guess what, Brian is my big brother and I am an actress so I can and will cause problems for Selena if you don’t do as I say.” She had venom in her voice. Now she was threatening my best friend and that’s where I draw the line.

“You don’t scare me little girl. You fuck with Brian and Selena I will kill you with my bare hands. You can mess with my life all you want but you will not fuck with my friends. And for the record I won’t leave Alex alone. So take your empty threats and go fuck yourself.” I pushed her out of my way and went back to the living room.

When Debby came back into the room she said she had to go. I was relieved that she was leaving so I could hang out with my friends without having her there threatening me and giving me death looks. I stayed at Tiffany’s house for about an hour and she agreed to go bowling with us, saying that Chris has been dying for a Daddy night with KJ so she said she would come for a little bit. I told her and Marissa I would meet them there because I wanted to go home and change. I was about to walk out of my apartment to go to the bowling alley when I was surprised to see Alex on my doorstep.

“I thought we were meeting up at the bowling alley.” I said confused.

“We were, but I really have to talk to you.” he told me. Something about his tone made me nervous so I let him inside.

“What’s going on?” I asked him concerned.

“There’s something I need to get off my chest, I was going to wait but I need to tell you now.” he said as he started to pace which made me more nervous.

“What?”

“When I went to New York I used those days to do what you told me to do, figure out where my heart lays. Even though I was having a ton of fun with all of my friends there, there wasn’t a moment that my mind wasn’t wondering what I should do. Do I go against your wishes and break up with Debby because I know that I want to be with you, or do I do as you asked me? I had a couple conversations with some of my friends and by the time I came home I knew what I wanted to do. The only person I can see myself with until the day I die is you.” he stopped pacing and looked me in the eye. “You,” he took a step closer to me so that we were face to face, “are it for me, Demi.”

I felt my eyes well up with tears; this is what I’ve been waiting to hear. But something felt so horribly wrong. If he wanted to be with me, then why was he so nervous? “What about Debby? Brian isn’t going to be happy about this.”

“I can deal with Brian; we are and always will be best friends. We won’t let something like this ruin years of friendship. I’ve just been waiting for the right time to break it off with Debby.” He paused then took a step back and looked at the ground.

“What’s wrong?” I asked nervously. I felt so nauseous right now, something is very wrong. And I don’t think I want to know what is going on.

“We can’t be together, Demi. I have to stay with Debby.” He said quietly, but I could tell he was getting choked up.

“B-but, you just said…” I was at loss of words. I had no idea what to say, all I could do was stare at him in disbelief as tears started to trickle down my cheeks.

“I know and I am so, so sorry.” He apologized.

“I –I don’t understand. Y-y-you just said y-you loved me.” I stuttered.

“And I do love you with all my heart.” He said honestly.

“Then what the fuck is the problem?” I yelled at him.

“Debby came over and told me that she’s pregnant.” He sighed. No, no, no that can’t be true.

“She has to be lying! I just saw her and she was telling me to stay away from you. She wasn’t acting like a girl who just found out she is pregnant.” I cried I was starting to sound desperate, but I didn’t care. I love this man and I will kill a bitch if she fucks this up. Great now I am sounding just like her.

“I saw the test, she is pregnant.” He told me.

“But Brian said you two haven’t been together long. How is it possible that she is pregnant after a few weeks?” I wasn’t really asking him, I was just trying to wrap my mind around what he just told me.

“We hooked up a couple of times before we started dating. The first time was a mistake, but we started talking about how we had this connection and it started growing and I finally got the balls to ask her to be my girlfriend.” He explained to me as she shoved his hand in his pockets.

“She did this on purpose; she’s trying to trap you! Don’t you see it? You’re not the hook up type of guy. Sex isn’t just sex to you, it always means something. She’s a whore!” I rambled incoherently.

“That’s a bit hypocritical isn’t?” he said and I gave him a confused look. “If Debby is a whore then isn’t Selena? She’s hooking up with a guy who isn’t her boyfriend either. Is she trying to trap Brian?”

He’s right, I am being a hypocrite. I started sobbing because I couldn’t take this anymore. I clenched my fists because all I wanted to do was throw him out and find something sharp so I can cut. This is way too much for me to handle right now. The love of my life is going to have a baby with another girl. Any chance of us ever having a second chance was just thrown out of the window and my heart is crushed.

“No Selena is falling in love with Brian, so you don’t have to worry about that.” I sighed. “And I’m sorry for calling your baby momma a whore. But I am telling you that something isn’t right. Don’t become a dad at twenty-three when your band is so close to being huge.” I told him as I dug my nails into my flesh.

“Please don’t.” his voice pleaded with me. I had no idea what he is talking about though.

“Don’t what?” I asked choking back a sob.

“I told you that I know you very well, I see you digging your nails into your arms and I see that look in your eye. You’re going to cut and I am begging you not to.” He said as tears welled up in his eyes. This made me want to rush over to him and kiss him, but at the same time made me want to slap him. He can’t come in here and tell him that his girlfriend is pregnant and then tell me not to what I have always done in situations like this. I know I am recovering and can’t so he really doesn’t have to worry but I still want to. Every fiber of my being is aching for that release. I just want the pain to go away and I haven’t been in this much pain in a long time.

“Just get the hell out of here! I don’t want to ever see you again!” I yelled at him. I instantly felt horrible because I saw the look on his face. He looked like someone just told him that his mom died. And I was the one to hurt him once again.

“You don’t meant that.” He shook his head. “You’re just upset and I completely understand that, but we can still be friends, as cliché as that sounds.”

“No we can’t! Debby hates me and would never allow it. And now that she is pregnant, she’s going to monopolize all of y our time to make sure I know that she’s yours and that I stay the hell away.” I yelled at him.

“Please, I can’t have you out of my life again.” He begged. “I didn’t fight to keep you in my life before, so I won’t give up now!”

“Too fucking bad! I can’t look at you without my heart breaking even more! And I am not even sure it can break anymore. You’re going to be a dad and I just can’t, okay? Please just leave and forget my existence.” I broke down even more, screaming in between sobs. I just can’t take anymore. The more he stands here, the more I just want to die.

“If it were up to me I would take you into your room and show you just how much I love you, but you know that I would never turn my back on my child. Nor do I want my child to grow up in a broken home, having to be shifted back and forth.” I don’t know what came over me, but I stalked over to him and connected our lips in a steamy kiss. A kiss that I never wanted to end. Alex wrapped one arm around his waist and brought a hand to my face as he deepened the kiss. It wasn’t until he slipped his tongue into my mouth that I realized what was happening and I quickly pushed him away.

“No, that can’t ever happen again. You are not a cheater, so you need to leave right now.” I turned away from him as I brought my fingers to my lips.

“I can’t and won’t leave you. Not right now. Not when you’re upset.” He said. I heard him walk toward me but I didn’t move.

“I will be fine. I just want to be alone. You go bowling and I’ll text everyone saying I got sick.” I instructed him.

“I can’t.” he said quietly. I’m pretty sure I heart him sniffle. But I wouldn’t dare look up at him because if I did and saw him crying, I would break down even more and never let him out of my apartment.

“Please just leave. Don’t make this any harder than it has to be.” I told him.

“Only if you promise me that you won’t hurt yourself.” He retorted.

“I promise.” I whispered.

“Look me in the eye and say it.” he demanded.

As much as I didn’t want to look at him, I knew the only way to get him to leave is to look him in the eye and tell him. So I turned around and looked into his beautiful eyes and saw them glistening with tears which made me cry even harder. “I promise.” I said.

He squeezed his eyes closed and a few tears slid down his face. Once he opened them he grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly. “Never ever doubt my love for you. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I will forever be sorry for putting you through this pain.” His voice cracked as he spoke. I couldn’t help but cling to him and cry. When we finally pulled apart both of our faces were wet with tears as were our clothes. And our eyes were red from crying. “Bye.” He whispered then walked out my door.

Once my door closed I fell to my knees and sobbed into my hands. Alex took my heart when he walked out that door. It may have been in a million pieces but he took it along with him. I was completely broken and wanted to die.