Let the Walls Fall Down

It’s been a few days since Demi and Taylor came over and we had our girl’s night. It was exactly what I needed and made me realize that I can finally just be me again. I am out of Disney for the most part and have started breaking away from my squeaky clean image by doing Spring Breakers. And I also got out of a toxic relationship. It’s time for a new be, or rather a better and stronger version of the old and real me. Since Demi is busy with X-Factor stuff and Taylor went back to Nashville for a while and everyone else seems to be busy, I decided to take a trip to Philadelphia to visit the patients at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia since I am an ambassador for Ryan Seacrest’s foundation. I was there when he opened his location in Dallas nearly two weeks ago. I love going to the studios and bringing smiles to the children’s faces.

When I arrived at the hospital the nurse said there was a band here today. They were in the studio doing an interview. That didn’t surprise me because people are always coming here to visit the patients. But what did surprise me is when I went over to the studio to see who was here. It was All Time Low. I had no idea that they were in town, I may have been texting Brian lately but he never told me where they were. “Knock knock.” I laughed. They all looked up and their eyes widened when they saw me.

“What are you doing here?” Alex jumped up from his seat to come over and hug me.

“I’m an ambassador for this foundation so I come here when I have the time.” I hugged him back. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We wanted to do something charitable; it’s nice to give back.” Alex smiled.

“That’s amazing. These kids really love when celebrities come here, whether they know them or not. It brightens up their days to know that people really care about them.” I smiled at them.

“We’re happy to be here.” Jack nodded.

“Have you guys been shown around yet?” I asked them. They told me that they hadn’t so I told Emily, the girl that works for the Foundation here, that I would show the boys around and I would perform with them later on in the day.

“So weird question, where is Brian staying?” I asked no one in particular as we were walking toward the exit after our long afternoon with the kids.

Jack smiled really cheesy, “What’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing.” I said defensively. “I just wanted to say hi while I am in town.”

“Riiiiiight.” Rian laughed as he rolled his eyes. It was obvious that none of the guys believed that nothing was going on with me and Brian, that or they just loved teasing me.

“We’ll take you there.” Jack winked.

When we arrived at the hotel Jack told me which room that Brian and the band were in and that they were gonna go pick up drinks and food and would be back. I glared at them and said they were mean for making me go up there by myself. I know I have been talking to Brian, but how creepy is it for me to just show up at his hotel when he never told me he was in Philly? It’s going to make me look like a stalker. Well I kind of am because I did stalk Gaskarth to find out where he was. He’s going to think I am crazy for sure now.

I stood outside the hotel room, staring at the door. I could feel my heart racing inside my chest. I was about to chicken out when the door opened and Stephen nearly ran over me as he stepped out. “Whoa.” I said holding my hands out so he wouldn’t trample me.

He turned around quickly and his eyes widened to see me standing there. “Coming back for round two?” he joked.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Ha ha, you’re funny. No I’m just here to visit.”

“How did you know where we were?” he raised his eyebrow.

“The guys dropped me off. They said that they were going for some alcohol and food.” I shrugged.

“Cool, saves me a trip then. Maybe you can get Brian out of his funk.” He laughed as he opened the door.

“What funk? I talked to him yesterday and he seemed fine.” I was confused to why Brian would be in a funk and why Stephen thought I could bring him out of it.

“Selena?” Jess said when she saw me. I smiled and waved at her and she came over to hug me. “You here to get Brian out of his moodiness?”

“Why does everyone think that I can do that? I played a wizard, I’m not actually one.” I asked confused.

“Because he likes you. Plus he was fine yesterday, even at breakfast, but then all the sudden he was pissy and locked himself in the room and won’t come out.” Jess shrugged. I sighed and asked where his room was and they told me so I went down the hall to it.

I knocked on the door and he yelled ‘go away!’ but I knocked again anyways. “I said leave me alone!” he yelled. I know Jess said he locked himself in the room but I tried the doorknob anyways. To my luck it opened. I walked into the room and closed the door behind me and locking it. “What part of leave me…” he started to yell but trailed off when he saw it was me standing there. He stood up and scratched the back of his neck. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m in Philly for a work thing, I ran into Jack and the guys and they told me you were here so I came to visit.” I smiled nervously because he seemed to be irritated at me.

“Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend?” he snapped at me. I am taking a wild guess here and say that Brian’s funk is because of me, but I honestly have no idea what I did wrong.

“I am single.” I scrunched my face up. “What are you even talking about?”

He didn’t answer my question he just picked up his phone that was on the nightstand and pressed a few things before handing me his phone. I looked at him confused at first but when I looked down at his phone I understood. It was a picture of me and Nick walking into LAX early this morning. I looked up at Brian and shook my head. “He’s not my boyfriend.” I laughed off and handed him back his phone.

He snorted, “Sorry if I don’t believe you.”

“Why are you being such a douche to me? How about you ask me what that picture means before you jump to conclusions. And you have no right to be jealous that I was with Nick, who was only giving me a ride because I was scared, because we aren’t even dating.” I yelled at him. “When you find my friend tell him to give me a call because I don’t like this asshole.” I turned to walk away.

“Selena, wait.” He sighed but I stayed where I was, facing the door. I heard his footsteps approaching me, but I still didn’t move. Not until he put his hand on my arm and turned me around to face him. But I refused to look him in the eye. Of course though he put his finger under my chin and raised my face up so I would look at him. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“You should be.” I snapped back in a quiet voice. I had the sudden urge to kiss him because he was so close to me and I could feel his breath on my face. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his lips softly. Brian held onto my hips, pulling me closer to his body as he kissed me back.

When we finally pulled apart, Brian rested his forehead against mine as we tried to catch our breath. “You said you were with Nick because you were scared, why were you scared?” he asked me after a while.

I laughed softly and shook my head causing our noses to rub against each other. “That’s what you say after we make out?”

He smiled and licked his lips. “Yes, because I care about you. More than I probably should. That’s why I acted like a jealous douche.” He admitted. This scared me because he shouldn’t care about me. He deserves better than me. But also because I care about him too but I can’t admit that to him.

"I really don't want to talk about it." I squeezed my eyes shut trying to keep the horrible memories of Justin trying to get inside my house.

"Don't block me out, please." his voice was barely above a whisper, but you could hear him pleading with me.

"Justin keeps harassing me. It scared the crap out of me a few nights ago because he was trying his hardest to break through my front gate."

"I will kill the little fucker." he cut me off. His voice was so venomous, it was quite a turn on.

"Don't worry about it, I doubt he'll be bothering me. Demi punched him." i shrugged. "That's why I asked Nick to take me to the airport, since he was already going there himself. He completely understood. I'm sorry if you thought anything was going on."

"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. But tell me what happened with Justin, he didn't hurt you or anything right?" I could see all the concern in his eyes, and it was starting to cloud my thoughts. The only thing that I was thinking was how much I wanted his lips on mine.

“Do you really want to talk or would you rather do a little more of this?” I said then kissed him again.

At first he kissed me back but then he quickly pulled away and took a step away from me. “Is that all this is to you?” he looked so hurt which broke my heart.

“No it’s not; I need you to believe that this isn’t about the sex. But it’s so hard for me to admit that I care about you. It scares me so much because I just got out of a really toxic relationship.” I stressed as I ran my fingers through my hair. “You are this amazing guy who has made me feel alive for the first time in a long time. You don’t make me feel like I have to be Selena Gomez, the Disney princess. You’re okay with me just being me. And only one other guy has ever done that for me and I broke his heart. I don’t want to hurt you. You deserve better than me. But I am too scared to walk away from whatever is happening between us.”

“I’m not perfect either. I have made mistakes. But because we both have made mistakes we have learned from them and I believe that we can make this work. You said it wasn’t just about the sex so you know that there is something between us.” He said as he cradled my face in his hands again.

I took one of his hands and kissed his palm before pushing past him. Being that close to him was making it very hard to think straight and I had to say what I needed to say so we can figure out what the hell we are doing. “It isn’t just sex, I can promise you that. The night in Florida it was, not because I was drunk but because I needed to make the pain go away. And I contemplated the idea of having it be just about sex. But I am not a whore, no matter what Justin thinks. I have only ever slept with two guys. You and Nick.” I saw Brian’s eyes widen in shock. “People probably think that me and Justin had lots of hot sex, but we didn’t I told him I was still a virgin and put my purity ring back on and said I wasn’t going to have sex until I was married. He didn’t need to know the sorted details of my past. Things just never felt right with him. I had sex with Nick because I believed that he was it for me. Obviously I was wrong. But I don’t just sleep with anyone. The first time with you, it scared me because that wasn’t me. Ever since I have felt like a slut.”

“Don’t ever think that.” Brian cut me off. I smiled at his sincerity.

“But I did think it and I felt it. But the thing was I trusted you to have that part of me. I may not have known you but something inside of me said it was okay. I had the same feeling the night in Florida. This is why I contemplated it just being sex, because I could trust you and I needed to make the pain go away. But as we started talking, the pain just went away on its own. You made the pain go away by just being there for me and letting me be Selena Gomez, the crazy Texas girl. And when you kissed me earlier, I didn’t need the sex to make the pain go away since there is no pain to drown. I want to have sex with you because it feels right.”

“You said you only lost your virginity to Nick because you thought you’d get married one day.” He stated. “I can’t be that guy; I can’t promise you that this will last forever so if you want to have meaningful sex with a guy who you hope to marry one day then this can’t go any further.”

“It doesn’t have to be that. That’s not the reason why I never slept with Justin; it was because he treated me like an object, like a possession. At first all the PDA and stuff was cute, because I never had that kind of relationship. But the longer we were together he made me feel used, he took away so much from me which is why I lied and said my purity was still intact. I didn’t want to give any more of me.” I explained then took a deep breath. “With you it’s different. We have no title for one; we are just friends for now. But you have given me my life back. Nick hid me which at times made me feel like he was ashamed of me and he cheated on me. So obviously I suck at picking a possible husband. Justin objectified me and I let him. So obviously I have no self-worth. You, you, bring out the girl that I lost years ago. And because of that I am okay with giving you parts of me”

“Then what is the problem?” he asked in frustration.

“The problem is you deserve a girl who picks better boyfriends, who is confident, who stands up for herself. I’m not that girl. I have jealousy issues and trust issues. You don’t need a girl like that with you being on the road all the time. You need a girl who is wild and crazy and fun that doesn’t care about what people think. Not a Disney prodigy who has an innocent image. It’ll destroy us both.” I stressed to him as tears slid down my cheeks.

Brian walked over to me and wiped away my tears. “I’m up for the challenge if you are.” He smiled. “I have had the girl you described and she was an amazing girl but it didn’t work out. Maybe it’s time I see how a girl with a different personality goes. Plus you are a wild, crazy and fun girl. You’ve just misplaced her and I will try my hardest to bring her back. Right now, I like you and I care about you that’s all that matters to me. So if you’re looking for me to tell you to get out and not come back then you’re going to be waiting for a long time because I won’t do it. You have to decide if you’re going to take the jump with me or leave. The ball is in your hands pretty girl.”

“I’m not ready to throw myself into a new relationship.” Brian when to say something but I put my finger on his lips to keep him quiet. “But neither of us can deny that there is a connection between us, so I want to see where it goes. We may never get past being friends who occasionally have sex, but I want you to be in my life.”

Brian bit the tip of my finger lightly then took my hands into his. “I’m okay with that. And I want you to know that I meant what I said, you are who I want so even though we are still just friends, I won’t be with anyone but you.” he promised.

“This is probably the wrong time to bring this up, but Nick told me he wants me back.” I scrunched up my nose. “But it not going to happen, I can’t be anything more than friends with him because I don’t want to go backwards in life. Even if he does change how he was with me, I could never forget the things he did and to be in a relationship with him again would be toxic. So I am promising you the same thing, it’s only you until we figure out what is going on.”

“I’m glad you’re here.” He smiled.

“Show me how glad you are.” I said with a devious smile.

“You’re trouble.” He laughed as he shook his head.

I backed up toward the bed, keeping my eyes on his. I kicked off my heels in the process. “I thought boys like trouble.” I shrugged as I took the hem of shirt in my hands, pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it across the room. Brian stood in his place staring at me with wide eyes as I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. “If you don’t get over here, I’ll have to call Stephen in here, I’m sure he’ll do something besides stand there.” I teased as I took off my jeans.

“Like hell you will.” He laughed and ran over to me, tackling me down on the bed causing me to squeal. “You’re beautiful.” He breathed out. I smiled up at him as I cupped his face in my hands, pulling him down to me and kissed his lips.

Things were starting to get heated when there was a knock at the door. “Go the fuck away!” Brian yelled then continued kissing my neck.

“We got drinks; you know you want to get shitfaced.” Alex said.

“Wait is Selena still in there with you?” Jack asked.

“I said go the fuck away!” Brian yelled again.

“Woo! Get it!” both Alex and Jack cheered. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You wanna go get shitfaced?” I mimicked Alex.

“Maybe later, right now I am busy doing this.” He said then my neck then continued down my chest. I couldn’t help moan in pleasure. This guy really knows what he is doing. I put my hands on his shoulders so he would stop then pushed him over onto the bed. I straddled his thighs as I pushed his shirt up his chest. He said up so I could take it all the way off, I threw it somewhere on the floor. I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning in so I could kiss him again. He wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing me back with every ounce of passion he could muster up.

I had no idea what is going to come of our series of sexcapades but it does feel right and in the short time I have been talking to him I have grown to trust him. I just hope my instincts are right and he’s not going to hurt me, because I’m getting butterflies when I am near him or when I hear his voice. I don’t want this feeling to go away.