Contempt

I woke up in the exact same spot I left off at last night – sprawled across my bed with my head near Kyo’s legs. Except his legs weren’t there anymore, just their imprint. I felt the dent they made with my fingers and I almost missed him. It seemed I could feel his warmth still radiating from the spot, as if he was still here.

I sat up only to find a note written by him crudely taped to the backboard of my bed:

Audrey,

For a while I wasn’t sure if you were still crying, sleeping or just dead. I let you calm down until I was sure you weren’t going to do anything too ridiculous. I am not sure if you remember too much of what happened either – but that’s fine. Nobody has to know but us.

- Kyo

(P.S. I wasn’t sure what to do for a while so I snatched some paper and pencils from your desk and doodled some. I left it here for you, partly because I didn’t want them anymore.)

I played with the paper between my fingers as my brain woke up and processed all that I just read. I played the events of last night through my head slowly to make sure that I really didn’t forget anything. Sadly, I remembered them all too well and I hung my head in embarrassment.

“Why did I have to be so stupid and let my emotions take over…” I sighed to myself. I felt just as bad as I did last night, but this time for different reasons. My guts quivered and I choked on my spit as I forced myself to get out of bed.

Passing the mirror on the way out of my room, I almost fainted. My eyes were bloodshot red like I had been on a drug binge all night. Around them was a slightly puffy and red swelling. I looked like a complete train wreck and there was no amount of makeup that could fix this.

With that thought in mind, I didn’t even bother to put any concealer on. I put my hair into a ponytail and made my way to the kitchen to see that Charlotte was already awake and dressed as well.

“Hey,” She started as she looked up from her coffee cup, “I’m glad you’re up. I checked our work schedule on the wall and we have to go in today in an hour.” She brought her gaze from the wall to my face and looked shocked to no surprise. “Are you alright?” She worriedly asked

“Yeah, yeah,” I shrugged it off, “I’m fine. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Oh,” She interjected, uncrossing her legs from the dining room chair, “I heard you and Kyo talking for a while in your room. You two are getting pretty close, huh?”

“I mean, I don’t know if you’d call it close, he’s kind of an ass,” I said while I got a coffee ready for myself, “but things went reasonably well last night. Aside from the no sleep. Speaking of that, I want to call off of work today. I don’t think I can wait tables looking like this.” I gestured to my face

“No, no, that makes sense. You never takes days off. And with me gone, who knows, you might finally do something crazy!” She smiled and got up from her chair to call another employee into work to cover for me.

Kyo’s words immediately came back to my mind and played over and over again. Pushing back isn’t always a bad thing.

Pushing back isn’t always a bad thing.

It isn’t always bad.

The overwhelming guilt tumbled down my body and I felt like I was going to collapse. I had the day off today and I needed to do something with it. If I stayed around the house and moped all day I would probably bash my head against the wall; but if I went out I’d be too self-conscious because of my current appearance. I need to learn not to fall asleep crying. This isn’t the first time the cruel world has shown me that lesson.

Remembering the cute note Kyo left me, I made my way to my room to look at the doodles he put on my desk. They weren’t hard to find, he left them right on top of my sketchbook – which I didn’t leave there. The little snoop must have gone through it, but I didn’t have enough energy to be mad at him right now. I shuffled through the multiple papers. He drew quite a bit, it made me wonder how long he stayed here with me. There were various drawings of animals, some of animals and humans morphed together, I didn’t even know what some were, and on the very last page he lightly sketched me sleeping.

A small smile came across my face and I folded the papers and put them under the cover of my sketchbook. I tapped my fingers on the sketchbook making a tune, only for it to be interrupted by my annoying phone buzzing. My screen was covered with messages from May asking where I was. All the messages were dated from last night, so I figured I wouldn’t bother with them. The most recent message was from her as well, asking what I was doing today since she missed me at the party. I locked my phone screen and figured I would bother with them later, they can’t be that important. She can wait. Sometimes I wanted to throw my phone against a wall so that nobody could bother me or expect me to be there on their every whim. But, then again, it is nice to be able to get in contact with people when you need them.

“Hey!” Charlotte popped her head in through the door. “I’m leaving now. I know, a little early, but only because the employee I called in needs a ride there. I’ll see you when I get off, okay? I don’t know exactly what time, but it’ll probably be a late night. I’ll text you and let you know what’s going on at least.”

Her little goodbye speech reminded me of when I was young and my mother left me home alone for the first time. She worriedly told me everything about her job, when she’d be home, the phone numbers to all the neighbors and police, and a kiss on the forehead like it was the last time we would see each other. “Okay Char, sounds good to me.” I turned around and waved goodbye to her, “See you later!”

Now that she was gone, I had the complete freedom to do whatever I pleased. But what? I was an adult, I had the freedom to do whatever I pleased anytime I suppose, but I was almost never home alone.

Grabbing my phone, I mindlessly thumbed through my contacts and messages to see who I could talk to.

I didn’t want to seem desperate, but it was the only thing I had to cling on to right now. Besides, when did I ever care what he thought?

I held my phone up to my ear as I heard it ring, hopefully awaiting to hear Kyo answer the phone.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I put down my drink and relaxed on the couch. My breath reeked of alcohol, but it hadn’t in a long time and I was okay with that.

“Thank you for coming over on such short notice.” I adjusted myself on the couch to face Kyo

He put his drink on the end table closest to him and faced towards me. “It is fine, I didn’t have anything planned for today anyway. I didn’t strike you for the social type, I never imagined you calling anyone up to have drinks.”

“I’m not, this is the first time I’ve done this, actually”

We both shared a laugh and some more casual conversation. The sun was starting to set outside the living room window and it cast a shadow through the entire room, outlining our figures across the floor. Every movement we made was exaggerated in our shadows, even the smallest gesture was projected across the entire room.

After getting the drunk confessions and small talk over with, the room fell silent for a few moments. It wasn’t an awkward silence, the two of us were just coexisting together. We were both comfortable and slightly intoxicated so that we could better handle one another.

In one swift moment, he moved down and kissed me. Unlike the last time, it was scary at all. I welcomed it and kissed back, watching our shadows touch on the wall – seeing our two figures dance together in harmony.

I closed my eyes and brought myself closer to him. I wasn’t drunk enough to forget everything that would happen, but my judgment was definitely impaired. What did it matter, he was nice sometimes and was a great kisser. He moved himself and brought me so that I was lying down and he was on top.

The door lock clicked, indicating that someone was coming home. I figured it was Charlotte, since she was the only person I was expecting. I felt Kyo move to pull away but I put my hand on his back to let him know it was alright to stay. I knew Charlotte wouldn’t care, I’ve walked in on her plenty of times, and she owes me.

The door slowly opened and then closed. I heard footsteps walk around us and then impatient tapping. It seemed odd that I didn’t hear Charlotte put her purse down or any giggling, so I opened one of my eyes to see what was going on.

What I saw wasn’t long blonde hair or Charlotte. It was May, standing in front of us.

Kyo and I both stopped kissing and quickly fixed ourselves.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, looking confused. “And how did you get in? The door was locked.”

“I have a key remember?” I have no idea how she got that, but I let her continue anyway, “You never responded to my messages. I didn’t get a chance to see you at the party and I feel like we haven’t been as close lately.”

“Well, maybe you could have knocked first” Kyo muttered

“Maybe you could have been decent for me to walk in on” she retorted

He let out a sigh and looked to me for the next response. “She’s your friend, this one’s on you.” He whispered.

“Not really,” I said under my breath.