Method to the Madness

I didn’t have much time to ponder what to do about Elias – maybe if I had I would’ve done something radical like going to see him. It was probably better that I didn’t have time for I could predict it would end badly though; I could already sense the tears that were to come when his blank stare held me in his eyes.

Crimson, though, had spoken over the intercom, forbidding any such thing. I was to resume an intense pattern of classes and training without worry about my Guardian. They, the head Selvas at Purgatory, were “on it.” I was supposed to just pick up as if the last few days had been erased from my mind as well and nothing had happened.

How I was supposed to pretend nothing was wrong when I was literally dead from my best friend’s mind, I wasn’t sure; I would obey their wishes as close as I could though, hoping that my obedience could win me his memory, if that were even a possibility. If that were even under the control of the Selvas… or maybe some other type of fate.

I spent quite a few minutes taking deep breaths while cuddling with Binx on the bed, not too worried about Crimson’s threat on not being late. Crimson wouldn’t be the judge of “late”; that would be Cat as my mentor, and I knew she wouldn’t mind a slight tardiness. “You must be calm when conjuring magic,” she had told me once. “Every little emotion that you left affect you has effects on the magic too.” Perhaps that was why conjuring magic hadn’t been such an easy skill for me to pick up – I happened to always find my thoughts straying to Elias and my heart beating faster…

And what kind of emotional state was I in now to conjure magic, even if it would take my mind off of things?! Still… the words that Oliver had said just moments ago haunted me. Magic can definitely be beat… There are things stronger than magic itself. As much as I wanted to skip out of class with Cat for so-called “emotional distress,” I had many things that I knew she could be of help for…

~~~

“I really didn’t think you would be coming, 0074!” Cat exclaimed as I walked through the door of the large magic class, not with excitement but hovering confusion and suspicion. You don’t have to come just because Crimson tells you to – she’s not your mentor. I understand that it was just today that your best friend reappears at Purgatory, somehow experiencing a strange memory loss, and now they all just want you to jump back into your studies like nothing ever happened?! Yeah, no thanks! You need to go and relax, 0074.”

“No, Cat, I need to do this in order to get my mind off of things.” I argued. In actuality, I need to get my mind on… like on how I was to go about retrieving my old best friend!

“I told you though that you need to be relaxed –“

“When conjuring magic because it is influenced by your emotions; I know! Then let’s do some magic theory or something – anything! Anything to let me forget about Elias for a while.” I offered.

“Fine! But then you’re going to take your little ass to bed to get some rest and relax from all of this trauma!” Cat compromised in her usual form of dry sarcasm and utter demand that her wishes be followed. I eagerly nodded in agreement.

~~~

I let Cat digress for a little – how would I be discrete if we only focused on the topic of memory loss in magic?! Currently, she was lecturing me on the goal of being a Selva was to be able to conjure magic without any need for a rune or incantation as she paced around the room with examples. I was only half listening as I scribbled Elias’ name on the table with my fingers and thought hard.

I wondered what Elias was doing at that moment – if he was as disturbed by my unfamiliarity to him as I was to his lack of remembrance. Maybe it hadn’t phased him at all; maybe he was off without a care for me.

“So why would someone use magic to make someone else lose their memory?” I interjected as Cat took a breath from the “Whys of Magic” lecture she was giving.

“0074, people do such things for many reasons.” Cat answered quickly. “What exactly are you implying? That someone at this facility intentionally made Elias lose his memory?” A long pause. “He was found wandering outside of the facility so there are infinite number of possibilities of what happened – and we’ll never know because he has no memory! Anyways, it takes a person with a high caliber of magical powers to accomplish something as intricate as memory loss – no one from Purgatory has the power to do it! She explained with unrushed reason. I could see it in her eyes that he felt my pain and was grieving right along with me.

“Well… how can it be reversed?” I asked, hoping she would at least be able to give me a direction to go to in order to figure this out.

There was a long pause as Cat’s eyebrows furrowed together in hesitation “0074… there’s no direct cure for memory loss – it’s too complex. You either have it or you don’t; sometimes it comes back, sometimes it doesn’t. There’s no way to guess what will happen. Don’t get your hopes up for something that is so unpredictable.”

My hopes sank further down into the deep abyss at her words. I felt the tears spill out over my cheeks but felt nothing otherwise. I needed to make myself a stone statue who wouldn’t be influenced by all of this pain. Maybe then I could be a proper Selva… But maybe I didn’t want to be so…

“I know this is hard.” Cat apologized. “We can be done for today.”

I nodded, slightly upset that she held such a pessimistic viewpoint of it. Never getting my best friend back? That was not an option Cat wasn’t going to be helpful in finding in finding my best friend again; I would have to do it without her help, and I would succeed.

Slightly dizzied and excited by my newfound call to power, I smirked to myself and headed to my room to rest a little. After all, plans needed to be made…