Method to the Madness

’Coward.’ My subconscious spits the word out at me as I sit in my room alone, dressed in nice clothes for 0074’s ceremony but not moving. I do want to be there for her, to support her like I’ve been doing this whole time, but my legs feel like they are made of lead. After what happened earlier, I had just left, unsure if I would be able to face her, and since then I’ve only moved to change clothes. Yeah, I’m a coward.

What I’m wearing is a complete change from what I usually wear, training or no. My top is a deep green fabric that’s soft to the touch, a button up shirt. Though it’s supposed to be formal, I’ve left a few buttons undone so I can breathe and donned a black jacket which looks as if it is made from the same material as my pants. I’ve also brushed down my messy hair, which means for this one event, I’ve gone all out for her… and I’m missing it.

The hard part is figuring out what I’m going to say when I see her next. Am I supposed to go in there apologizing for my behavior and telling her that I don’t know what was wrong with me? No, that wouldn’t work, and neither would just pretending nothing had happened. We needed to have some kind of talk, and it had to be before our mission tomorrow.

God, but I couldn’t just go in during the ceremonies and celebrations. She should at least have a chance to enjoy her night before I walked in. There then- it was settled. I won’t be attending the ceremonies, but we will talk tonight.

So glancing at the time, I can tell right off the bat that everyone will have vacated their rooms already in favor of attending the festivities and I can go ahead and sneak into her room and wait. That settled in my mind, I stand up and head out. I won’t be a coward much longer.

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I’ve been hiding out in her room for over an hour, and Binx has only recently stopped barking- I’m still glad for the reprieve. I’m not exactly sure why the little guy doesn’t like me, but he’s made it perfectly clear that he has no intentions of ever being kind to me for all that he’s perfectly sweet to 0074. Maybe she did something for him that earned his respect, but at some time or another maybe I need to learn what it is so I can do the same. It’s starting to become tiring to be growled and barked at every time I enter a room.

Then light floods the room from the outside and I hear a sweetly familiar voice bid goodbye to someone before the lights come on and I hop to my feet. She looks startled to see me, but beautiful all the same with ringlets of dark brown hair falling around her face. It’s then I notice the color change in her eyes, and a sort of sadness fills me. “Alyson, what did they do to your eyes?” The words are out of my mouth before I can comprehend what I’m saying and a dull ache becomes present in my temples.

“What did you say?” Her eyes are wide, almost hopeful, and I put a hand to my head, shaking it. “Elias, what did you just call me?” Her voice is practically a whisper as she comes close to me and takes my hand, looking up at me with charcoal eyes.

That sorrow is back at seeing her eyes again as she looks at me expectantly and I give another small shake of my head. “I think I called you Alyson? I don’t know why though…I just…” I glance away from her. “I’m sorry…I’m a coward- I couldn’t ruin your night after what happened earlier, and now I’m saying things. Maybe losing my memory affected me worse than I thought…”

“No!” I nearly jump at the tone in her voice. “I mean…” color creeps into her cheeks as my eyes widen a bit. “I mean…what happened earlier- that’s okay. More than okay really.” Her cheeks darken. “And…Alyson is my name, or that’s what you told me. You’re the only one who used to call me that- you hated 0074; you said it made me sound like a test subject or something.” Tears begin to form in her eyes, except this time instead of freaking out, I can only feel sadness for the girl in front of me, and I squeeze her hand gently even though she’s practically breaking my hand off by squeezing it so hard.

“I’ve been trying for so long to get your memory back, to hear you say things like that again, and it hasn’t worked, and here you are calling me Alyson all on your own after everything’s happened.” Tears fall down her cheeks, and I’m stony silent as I wipe them gently, hoping maybe she can get whatever it is she needs to get out. “I haven’t been able to do anything for you Elias, and you’ve done so much for me, and..and…” All of a sudden, it seems like all logic has been abandoned and the world has dropped away.

Of all things I expected could happen tonight, I didn’t think she could start crying on me almost as soon as we started talking, which there hasn’t been much of a conversation. And then she presses her entire body against mine, lips and all. At first I’m unresponsive to this, but after a moment, I actually have my hands at her waist, pulling her closer to me as what’s left of her tears fall on us and dry. The world is suddenly a breathless, beautiful place, and before I really know what’s happening, I’m lying on her bed with her lying on top of me.

Her hands are inside my shirt, running across my chest, and mine are tangled in her hair, pulling her head closer. I’m sure we’ll stay like this for a while, and when we wake in the morning, we’ll also be together. This is just too right to be wrong- much too blissful- even if we might regret it later. Because this is the story of how two empty hearts filled each other.