Unintended Love

“Rain, where in the hell have you been?” asked my mom as soon as I walked in the kitchen. Her and my father were having breakfast.
“I was with Gabe last night,” I answered.
My dad grunted. “I don’t want you to see him. He’s a bad influence.”
I didn’t even get a chance to answer. The doorbell rang. But I was enraged. I couldn’t believe that he would actually say that to me.
“Rain, could you please answer the door?” asked my mom.
I knew I had to or I would explode on my dad. So, I just turned around and walked back into the foyer and answered the door.
“Zack, what the fuck are you doing here?” I asked.
“I wanted to talk to you…about last night.”
“How did you find out where I lived?” I asked.
I walked out and closed the door behind me.
“I asked around. Why aren’t you glad to see me? I thought…last night we…”
“Look, Zack…Last night I wasn’t thinking right. I should’ve never slept with you.”
“But…”
“Look…Zack, I’m with Gabe. No one can ever know that we had sex last night.”
“Can I at least come in? I’d like to say hi to your parents.”
“Now isn’t a really good time. I’m sort of in trouble for staying out all night. And…my dad just found out that I’m gay. He’s not taking it too well.”
“Please…let me help.”
“I don’t think so.”
“I started this. I brought this on. Let me help you, Rain.”
I didn’t want to, but knowing Zack, I knew he wouldn’t back off. So I let him in. I walked in after him, and then led him into the kitchen, where my parents were.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery.” said Zack as if he were the prodigal son they’ve always been waiting for.
“You?” asked my dad. “This is your fault. You did this to my boy didn’t you?”
“Dad, he didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t want him to so I wouldn’t go there.” I said just to bug him.
“Please Mr. Montgomery. I’ve come here because I just want to say to you that you shouldn’t see Rain’s sexuality as a bad thing. He’s a great guy. You should be proud of who he is.”
“Of course you think he’s a great guy. You’re…you’re just like him.”
My dad had a look of disgust on his face that I’ve never seen before. It hurt me so much that my own father could be disgusted by me. I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t let him see me cry so I just got out of the kitchen as fast as I could. I ran to the living room and sat on the couch. I let all of my tears out there. Soon Zack was sitting right next to me. On the couch that Gabe and I made love on a week ago.
He put his hand on my back and started to slowly rub. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t control my sobs. I can handle anything, but this. I can handle arguing with my dad even not speaking to him, but I can’t handle him looking at me like I’m the most disgusting thing on Earth.
“It’s gonna be okay, Rain. You’ll see.”
His voice was comforting. I would prefer Gabe being here, but at least I’m not alone. Again I lost all inhibitions and I let him hold me. I buckled into his arms and he held me tight. When I realized what I was doing, I pushed him off of me.
“Get off of me. The last thing I need is you hanging all over me acting all innocent in this.” I said, wiping my tears.
“What are you talking about?”
“You hurt me Zack. And I haven’t really had time to get over it.”
I could tell that my teases were really starting to piss him off. His face got as red as a streetlight.
“You didn’t seem to mind when I was fucking you last night. In fact, I seem to recall you telling me to that you wanted more.”
I couldn’t believe he said that in the middle of my house where anyone could hear.
“Get out…now.” Now I was pissed.
“Look, I’m sorry Rain. I shouldn’t have said that.”
He was telling the truth. I saw it in his eyes. I scooted closer to him again as he continued.
“You’ve just got me so frustrated and…and confused. I don’t know why I love you so much, but I do and no matter how many times you say that I’ve hurt you, you’ve hurt me more.”
“What?” I asked.
“You’re always rubbing Gabe in my face. You’re always telling me that you love him and not me. That hurts, Rain. Especially coming from you…the person I love.”
He started to tear again. For a tough football player, this kid sure does cry a lot. But I guess I can’t blame him. Both of our lives are shit right now. If anyone knew what I was going through right now, it would be him. I couldn’t tell Gabe that I was confused on whether or not I still had feelings for Zack. No, so I might as well just tell Zack the truth. Maybe he’d stop bothering me.
“Come with me.” I said.
I took him by the hand and brought him upstairs. I walked him inside my room. He started to look around; much like Gabe did the very first time. He wanted to see what my room was like. It was just a room. What’s the big deal?
“I, ah…I’ve decided to tell you the truth.” I said.
He stopped looking around and looked at me. “And what’s the truth?”
I sat on my bed and he sat next to me. “I still have feelings for you…I always have. And even though getting with Gabe may have started out as a way to make you jealous…my feelings for him have grown. I love him. What I have with him is real and it’s honest. And I don’t think that reliving some Hawaiian love fantasy is worth ruining that.”
“So…what happens now?”
“I think that we’re both better off just going our separate ways. I’m not saying that we should pretend that Hawaii never happened.” I smiled. “That’s impossible. I’m just saying that we should just try and move on from it.”
“If your relationship with Gabe is so honest, why haven’t you told him about us?”
“I did; last night before we went into your house. I told him everything.”
“How did he react?”
“He was shocked, but he wasn’t mad.”
“Well isn’t he Mr. Perfect.” said Zack sarcastically and bitterly.
“Zack…I love you and I don’t think that will change for a while, but you’re just not in the same place emotionally as I am.”
He looked at me with confusion.
“If I was to leave Gabe today, right now, to be with you…Would you be ready to leave Amy? Would you be ready to come out at school and let everyone know that you love me and want to be with me?”
He didn’t say anything, but that was pretty much my answer. I leaned towards him and gave him a kiss. We sat in silence for a while. The topic was gone and out of the room. He got up and started to look around the room again. It seemed that the tension left the room along with the topic.
“You have a cool room. It suits you,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said
“So…do you like California?” he asked.
“Yeah…it’s almost like Hawaii with the beaches and everything.”
“Don’t let the beaches fool you. It gets pretty cold here at night.” he said.
Suddenly, I had no more hostility towards Zack. One of our talks had finally gone somewhere besides in a circle.
“So, are you coming to the game on Friday?” he asked.
“Yeah…” I said. “Football isn’t as big in New York so I’m excited.”
“There’s a dance the night before. Did you know?”
“Yeah…I’m going with Gabe. I assume you’re going with Amy.”
“Yeah…I always do. I don’t even ask her anymore.”
“You should ask her. I think girls like that kind of stuff; formalities and crap.”
“I guess. She’s the only girlfriend I’ve ever had.”
I didn’t know what else to say. There really wasn’t anything else. The silence was deafening. The doorbell rang in the middle of it. I was going to let one of my parents get it. I couldn’t really leave at that moment. But maybe I should’ve ran to get the door. Then, Gabe wouldn’t be as surprised to see Zack in my room.
“Gabe?” I got up to go give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Um…I think my bracelet broke off when I was in here yesterday. I wanted to come and try to find it. It’s kind of special. Devon made it for me.” He was eyeing Zack the entire time.
“Yeah, um…come in.” I said. “Where do you think it broke off.”
“Well, I was on the bed, so maybe there.”
We started to look around the bed. Zack stood in the corner, clueless as to what he should do
We found the bracelet pretty quickly. It was a string bracelet with beads that spelled out Gabe on it. The beads were spread around under the bed.
“Hey Zack,” said Gabe.
“Look, Gabe, Rain and I were just talking. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“Don’t I? I thought you wanted him back?”
“Gabe, please don’t do this. Zack is going through a lot.” I tried to defuse the bomb that was bound to explode soon.
“I’m sorry,” he looked at me. “I just don’t wanna lose you.”
He took me by the waist and kissed me. I could feel Zack rolling his eyes the way that he does.
“You’re not going to lose me.” I said.
“I’ve gotta go.” said Gabe. “My mom needs me to take Will to his soccer game.”
Gabe soon left and he closed the door behind him. Zack looked at me with his hurt eyes and his pouting face.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know he would do that.” I said.
“My problem isn’t with Gabe. I would have this problem if it were anyone else. My problem is that I can’t be the one that touches you…that kisses you. Instead I have to watch some other dude do that.”
“Maybe you should go now, Zack.”
“Yeah, but…can I call you later or something?” he asked.
I sighed not really wanting to answer and wishing he didn’t ask the question.
“Sure…you can call me.”
We hugged and he left the room. I followed him downstairs and showed him out. I walked out of my house and watched as he drove away. I looked to my left and saw Carly staring over at me like she just saw the Easter bunny and Santa Clause playing a game of cards. She was completely shocked.
“What?” I asked, speaking loud enough so she would hear.
She walked over, her face never changing. I invited her in. We walked up to my room and sat down.
“What was that?” asked Carly.
“Um…I’m tutoring him.”
“But…he’s got straight A’s.” said Carly. “It’s a well-known fact.”
I blew it. I sat down on my bed and she sat down next to me. The silence was killing me. I hate when she did that. I could feel her desire to ask a question. But if she thought the question was inappropriate or was too afraid to ask, she just stayed silent.
“Carly…just say it. Whatever you want to say, say it.”
“I’m just wondering why Zack Morgan, the hottest and most popular guy in school, is leaving your house and you have to lie about why he’s here.”
“I can’t tell you, okay. I just…I can’t.”
“Oh my God!” she gasped. “You just told me everything! I can’t believe you’re cheating on Gabe already!”
“I’m not cheating on Gabe, Carly. I love Gabe.”
“Well…What was Zack doing here?” asked Carly, smartly.
“I’m gonna tell you, C, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”
“I promise on Robert Pattinson’s life.”
I knew she was serious. She loved that guy more than her own life, I think. I couldn’t understand why. He’s not really my type I guess.
“Okay…before I moved here to LA, my parents and I took a vacation to Hawaii. There’s where I met Zack Morgan.”
“Whoa, that’s weird.”
“And it’s also where we fell in love.”
Shock, once again, on Carly’s face. Her eyes bulged out of her head and her mouth was wide open. I closed it for her.
“Say something,” I begged.
“You’re lying. Zack isn’t gay. He’s with Amy Jones.”
“Well, that didn’t stop him from making out with me in Hawaii did it?”
“Shit, this is pretty fucking unbelievable.”
“I think that’s more than I’ve heard cuss the entire time that I’ve known you.” I said, telling the truth.
“I need to tell you something too, but…I’m not 100 percent sure that it’s true.”
“Then why tell me?” I asked.
“Well, because I think it’s something you’d need to know if it were.”
“Um…okay…tell me.”
“I think Eric has a crush on you.”
“Really? I…I thought he still had feelings for Gabe or something.”
“Oh, no…definitely not. That relationship ended pretty badly.” said Carly. “No, if there’s someone that Eric will definitely never get with again, it’s Gabe.”
“What happened between them?”
“I don’t know. Neither of them would say, but whatever it was, had them punching each other.”
“Whoa…well…what makes you think that he has a crush on me?” I asked.
“Well, for one thing, he doesn’t stop talking about you when we’re together.” said Carly. “And another, anytime you and Gabe are around, he’s…sad.”
“What do you expect me to do about this?”
“Nothing. Just…try and be sensitive to his feelings. He may put off a tough front, but he gets hurt pretty easily.”
“I don’t want Eric to get hurt, but…I don’t feel anything for him and if he has a crush on me, then I think the best thing to do is to just tell him.”
“No, he’ll kill me.”
“Why? Did he tell you that he has a crush on me?” I asked.
“No, but…”
“Then you shouldn’t worry.” I said. “I’ll take care of him.”
We sat in silence for a moment. Then Carly opened up the conversation again.
“So…is Zack a good kisser?”
I laughed. I couldn’t believe that she asked that. But for a little bit of fun for a change, I decided to answer.
“He’s a really good kisser.” I smiled. “But Gabe is way better.”
“How?”
“Well, Zack is a very dominate kisser. He’s used to kissing girls. But Gabe is a totally sensual kisser. His kisses are soft and…and good; really good.”
“But…But you fell in love with Zack, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but we’ve made our peace. We made it even before we left Hawaii.” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“We said goodbye. We thought we’d never see each other again.”
“That doesn’t mean that your feelings just go away,” she replied, smartly.
“They do when the person you have feelings for treats you like shit.”
“Oh…I’m…I’m sorry.”
“Maybe you should go. I’ll see you later,” I walked her out of my room.
“Right…I’m sorry about Zack. I promise that I won’t tell anyone.”
I walked Carly out. After she left I walked back to the kitchen. My father was gone, but my mother was still at the table. She stared into space like she’d gone crazy or something.
“Mom,” I whispered.
She turned to look at me with a face of sadness.
“Oh Rain, Honey. I’m sorry about your father. He doesn’t mean what he’s saying. He just doesn’t understand.”
“He means what he’s saying mom. Don’t defend him.”
She sniffled and wiped tears from her face.
“Mom, don’t cry. This isn’t your problem. You shouldn’t be upset over it.”
“It’s my problem when you and your father can’t get along.”
“Let me worry about it, mom. You should focus on your work. I know it’s important.”
“Why are you gay, Rain? Did we do something wrong?”
“Mom, you didn’t do anything. This is just how I am. I can’t help it any more than you can help…I don’t know…having blue eyes.” I told her, putting my hand on her shoulder. “You didn’t make me gay. Dad didn’t either.”

* * *

Usually, the first person I see at school is Gabe, or Eric, since Carly takes me. But this time, the first person I saw was Zack. He was alone which was a rarity. Today was the first day I could use the car that my parents bought me a while ago. It took a while to get the insurance in order.
Zack walked up to Carly and I and looked Carly up and down. Carly did the same looking at him like he was nothing. I finally had enough of the back and forth silence.
“Carly could you give us a sec?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she looked Zack up and down again, this time with a suspicious look.
She walked away and Zack and I started to walk.
“So, where’s Gabe?” asked Zack.
“Probably in the cafeteria,” I answered. “That’s where we meet.” I paused. “So, what’s with meeting me in the front of the school?”
“I want to be friends with you, Rain. I know now that…that we can’t be anything more and I just think that being friends is better than nothing at all.”
“I…I’d like that…as long as you don’t mind being friends with a fag.”
“Don’t call yourself that.” said Zack.
“But you have to realize that your little friends over there,” I nodded towards the table with his entourage, “that’s what they call me. It’s gonna hard to explain why you’re friends with a fag.”
“Well…I’ll just tell them where they can stuff it.”
“Even if it’s Chad? Even if it’s Amy?” I asked.
“Chad, I can handle him. And Amy, she would never say anything like that.”
“I wouldn’t bet on it. She might seem nice, but you don’t know a person until they feel threatened by something that they don’t understand. My dad’s evidence of that.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll never let anyone talk anything bad about you.
“Well, I gotta go.” I said. “I haven’t seen Gabe since Saturday.”
“Oh…okay…”
“But I’ll see you later or something.”