Easy to Fall in Love

The sound of a guitar strumming in the next room woke me up. I stretched out; expecting to feel Justin next to me, but no one was there. I sat up startled, realizing I was all alone in Justin's bed. I pushed the covers off of me and got out of bed. I creeped over to the door and pushed it open silently. I poked my head out and saw Justin sitting on his couch, guitar in hand. His hair was sticking up in the back and his clothes were perfectly rumpled from sleep. He played a few cords and then wrote something down, whispering to himself at the same time. He repeated this a several times and then played them all together.

"And as she stirs and breathes, I wonder, do I complicate you like you complicate me?
From all my thoughts to all my dreams, the never ending mindful sea. I want you to understand everything, everything you mean to me.

Hard to believe you happened here,
Hard to believe you love me dear,
Hard to understand why you still need him,
Hard to understand why we can't begin,
Again."

I retreated back into the room and into his warm bed. The lyrics of his song replayed over and over in my head until I fell back asleep, wondering what I doing with my life.

***

"Mmm," I murmured and opened my eyes. Justin was gone again. "What the fuck?" I said out loud. I sat up and looked around his room. I walked into the living room and no one was around. I heard rustling in the kitchen, so I decided to investigate. There was a guy in there making breakfast, but it wasn't Justin.

"Hey Austin." I yawned.

"Is that the beautiful Donia Hudgens I hear?" Austin turned around and grabbed me in a big bear hug. I laughed and hugged him back.

"My, my, my, don't you look cute?" Austin pulled back and checked out my outfit. "What happened here last night?"

"Not what you're assuming, trust me." I grabbed a carton of strawberries out of the fridge and chopped off the leaves. "Where's Justin?" I asked and Austin glanced back as he flipped pancakes and smiled.

"Picking up the boys. You're going to have a whole lot more stupid jokes and drunkenness to deal with."

"Awesome," I said sarcastically. "Is Nick still asleep?" I dumped the strawberries in a bowl and rinsed them.

"Yeah." He kept on flipping and pouring pancakes while I finished cleaning the fruit. "So what am I not assuming about last night?" Austin slipped in.

"That's a very loaded question."

"All I know is that Justin was in a very good mood when he left this morning. I think one of the words he threw out was 'amazing?'"

"Okay, does everyone know about his feelings but me? I feel like I've had the rug pulled out from under me."

"I think love always feels like that darlin'," he chuckled. When he called me darling it reminded me of Adam.

Fuck. Adam. What am I going to do about Adam?

"Hey, we're here!" Justin called from the hallway. He walked in with Andrew and Halvo trailing behind him. "Hi," he said directly to me. He smiled and I smiled and we just stood there for a minute. Then I remembered I probably looked like a mess, so I ran to Justin's room and shut the door.

"I'll be out in a minute!" I searched frantically for something acceptable to wear in front of a group of guys. There was a knock at the door and then Justin asked if he could come in. I let him in and he handed me my clothes from yesterday.

"I was feeling restless last night, so I went outside and got our stuff. I couldn't sleep so I did some more laundry. Oh and here's your phone. I don't think it got wet because our clothes were on top of it." He handed me my cell.

"Thanks." I hugged my stuff to my chest.

"Sorry I wasn't here when you woke up. I know it sounds corny, but you looked so peaceful." Justin looked down at his feet. "I know you're still not sure about what you want...but I know what I want. And that's you, Donia." I wasn't sure what I should say to him. I had to remember we weren't the only people involved anymore. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

"I'm going to go take a quick shower," I said quietly and walked into the bathroom.

***

I got ready and we all had breakfast and everything was okay. The guys were really great and funny and I had an awesome time. Still, I was feeling very conflicted. I checked my phone and I had a text from Adam.

From: Adam
Can we meet for lunch? I already miss you.

Dammit dammit dammit dammit.

I walked into the kitchen and tapped Justin on the shoulder.

"Hey, um, can you drive me home? I'm meeting...someone there."

"I know it's Adam. You don't have to dance around the subject with me."

"I'm sorry Justin. I just can't drop him, though. I told you I needed a little time."

"I know what you told me, but that doesn't make it suck any less."

"This is all too much pressure. God, this is way too complicated." I leaned my stomach against the counter and rested my head in my hands.

"You don't have to say anything." He stood behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. I turned around and hugged him.

"Let's go." He grabbed his keys. My face said everything I was feeling and hopefully that was good enough for now.

***

He pulled into the lot at Daisy's and cut the engine. I got out of the car and went over to his side. I leaned in the window and tried to think of something, anything to say. Justin beat me to it.

"I want you to be happy and if it's not because of me, then it should be Adam. But, I mean, it really should be me." He looked at me meaningfully and started up his car. I stepped back and he drove off.

I walked up to the diner and went inside. Adam was sitting at a booth reading a newspaper. He looked up when he heard the bell jingle and smiled.

"Hey darlin'." He stood up and kissed me. I tried to smile.

"Hi." I sat down and he sat across from me.

"Are you okay?" He placed a hand on top of mine.

"Yeah, But I think..."

"I'm glad. I really missed you. All I thought about last night was you and how I couldn't wait to hold you and kiss you and just be next to you."

"Yeah, me too." I faked a smile and decided I was the worst person in the world.