Clockwork

As the clock at the old diner rang four times, announcing the arrival of four o'clock, I bit down hard on my tongue, trying to swallow the hovering urge to vomit. Was I really supposed to sit there and pretend that everything that I knew from the future hadn't happened? How was I supposed to forgive him that he had gotten busy so quickly after I left him - he did have a nine year old child after all. Not long after I had met Mikey in the hospital I had done the math: nine months pregnant... that meant he had been together with the blonde as soon as he could - it had only been three months for him to get her pregnant.

I took a deep breath as I thought. No, in this life, there was no Mikey...no blonde... Danny was mine as long as I let him be that. Rewriting the future was in my hands.

I glanced at the clock as the minute hand was reaching towards the one - five minutes past four. I could only sigh as his absence disturbed me as much as it had the first time. I remembered how jitter I was that time; I had a final that night and it was my twentieth birthday... Danny was supposed to be de-stressing me during this hour, but he was only causing me more stress. How many times that morning had I debated not going? But I had went as if by some sort of fate... In my now-distant future, I had believe that I had been sent to go to rid myself of his hindering influence - now I knew that hadn't been true. I was called to have a baby with Danny...

That only set off more questions in my head. Logistics... When exactly were we supposed to be getting busy? Was I supposed to be missing my final to get into bed with him? If I was supposed to ruin my whole future for him... but what had been so good in my future except my job? Nothing.

"I'm sorry I'm late, babe!" Danny's apology announced his arrival much like the first time. I looked up to see him in his nice dress clothes that he was required for his engineering job every day, and my heart fluttered a little. God, I hadn't seen him in... well, my present self saw him the night before, but I hadn't seen him in ten years. My eyes surveyed the area of his body and rested on the coffee cup in his hand - well didn't that just damper my mood?

"Sure you are." I sighed resting my head in my hands and trying to not take it personally that he had went to see the blonde before coming to see me. "Didn't exactly stop you from stopping for coffee did it?"

"You saw that?" He smirked at me. "Sorry, I guess I couldn't help myself..."

"Right. 'Can't help myself.' Who am I kidding? You never can..." I was truly enraged now and I couldn't stop it. It was almost as if the words were just spewing out of my mouth, not by choice. I recognized the words - had been saying them over and over again in my head for the past ten years - and they weren't my own thoughts that were coming out anymore. It was like I was on the inside of a movie, just a character being told what to say without any control over it. I had to stop it though, before I went too far and said the same words that would ruin our relationship again; if I remembered correctly, they weren't too far back in the dialog.

"I'm sorry, baby! But hey, this time is about you! Can we not dwell on all of my mistakes?" He pouted as he sat down at the table. I clamped my teeth hard, pushing them deep into my tongue that was insistent on continuing this conversation even while I compelled it not to.

"I'm gonna head to the bathroom quickly." He finally stated, studying the red ink that had formed the scribbled handwriting of a phone number on his hand. "I need to get this off!"

"What is it?" I asked, pretending I hadn't stalked him to the coffee shop before or knew about the blonde that worked there and constantly fluttered her eyes at him.

"Some blonde's number from the coffee shop..." He was staring at it intently, rubbing his thumb over it furiously as if trying to scratch it off.

"Shouldn't you put it in your phone first then?" I asked, dreading the answer but finding the question necessary.

"Baby, why would I need another woman's number when I have everything I need right here? I love you! I've put you through so much crap as I am, but I wanna be good to you!" He replied, kissing me on the cheek before stumbling his way through the oddly placed chairs and tables to get to the bathroom.

At that moment, I sat there fiddling with my phone.

Everything going ok? I received in a message and I assumed it was from mystery man.
Fine, I guess. No fights, well sorta... How are you texting me?

I'll explain later. Be on your best behavior! And don't use protection!! ;)

I closed my phone just in time as Danny came back to the table, his had completely free of the red ink that had previously been there. I fiddled with my fingers until I felt the heat rush to my cheeks when I realized that he was staring at me. His eyes held a strange intensity that I didn't comprehend, and he was biting his lip with some sort of insecurity.

"What, Danny?" I asked.

"Why are you with me?" He asked and I wrinkled my eyebrows. "Why are you with such a guy who keeps man-whoring himself around with flirting and such? Why? Why haven't you found someone better?"

"I love you, Danny!"

"I love you too... so much. But I don't deserve you. You have to see that my imperfections are too great for you..."

"No, Danny. I love you! I always have, and I always will!" I grabbed his cheeks and pulled him into a kiss from across the table. He kissed me back so that the pressure of his lips against mine made me breathless as he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I will never understand you," he muttered after pulling away from me. "I love you."

At that time, the clock hit four-fifty and I jumped away from Danny, knowing that I had to go back to work. By "work" I meant sitting at a desk pretending to look busy while I actually crammed for my final that would be in three hours. Danny walked me out of the diner and we held on to each other for a few minutes.

"Good luck, baby!" He said, giving me a kiss on the forehead before we had to depart in separate ways. "Come over after your test, and we'll celebrate."

I nodded to him and gave him another kiss before turning my back to him. As I walked away, I thought: what did I get myself into?! But this is how things were supposed to be, and I was ready to let it happen...