New, Old and Miss

Do you ever get the feeling that your not being yourself? You can say I am finding myself and whatever you want. I mean I say those things too but what I am trying to say that friends make a big decision on who you wanna be. Its like I am now in my last year of high school almost half way through and I have switched and changed who I am and friends who I hangout with a lot. Sometimes I ask myself why I changed and moved on with my choices. Then I just notice or I talk with my mom that I was never happy with those friends. Doesn't mean that they are horrible but we are all trying new things and making life changing paths. I am writing this cause earlier today I was hangout with an old friend who I used to be super close with her. I miss her so much not seeing her around school makes me sad. She is also in the same grade as me. So we actually have the same things to talk about which is always great. I am not 100% sure that we will stay friends but I really hope so. As you can tell she was the old part of me who didn't know much and just wanted to learn about people. There is more to say about the old girl aka me but I don't wanna just rant on about it. Now a days I have I guess you can say "New friends" kinda I guess I have known some of them longer and just decide to hangout one day. It made me very happy to see this change I began to laugh almost everyday cause of all the craziness they would do. We even got caught a few times. Great times. Then at some point it got rocky. My underclass grade friends got themselves into a bunch of college parties, drugs, drinking, Insane things that I won't say. At one point I couldn't even look at them. I even got in a huge fight with one of my best friends. We eventually made up because I couldn't handle not seeing her and talking with her everyday. It was that bad. When I can back to the group two people were still missing that wouldn't came back till everyone stopped doing drugs. It took them a very long time to come back. Before they can back I heard the stories that went down those nights. It was Freakin Nuts! But something in my head told me that we are teenagers, we are gonna try stuff even if it get us in total trouble. It sounds so stupid yea I now hangout with stoner like people but they make me laugh. I love them it that friend way. Now I don't really now exactly what I am trying to say anymore but I almost in the weirdest way wanna go out and be insane like them. And not even to impress anyone but myself. That is one of the things I can't find in this new group. I just need to BE MYSELF AND SAY SCREW YOU TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T THINK I CAN'T.