Gone Forever

Don't know what's going on
Don't know what went wrong

I laid there on our cold bed alone. It had been three days since Andy walked out on me. I had just came home the other day and he was packing his bags. I stared at him in confusion and asked was was wrong. He just screamed at me and walked out the door without another word. Now I'm just sitting here staring at his pillow. What happened between us?

Feels like a hundred years
I still can't believe you're gone

I woke up the next morning and climbed out of bed. Slowly I made my way into the living room and said, "Good morning, babe." I was expecting Andy to answer back, but then I remember that he was gone. I just sighed softly and sat down on the couch. I placed my face into my hands and sighed. He left without warning, but where had he gone.

So, I'll stay up all night
With these bloodshot eyes

I held a bottle of whiskey in my hands. I had nothing else to do, but drink away my sorrows. I took a drink from the bottle and the alcohol burned the entire way down. I glanced over at the clock and saw the red numbers read, "2:00am" I just stared at them and took another drink of the whiskey. I hadn't slept in two days. All I did was sit around and drink away my pain. I looked around the room and the memories of me and him filled my mind.

While these walls surrond me
With the story of our life

Andy giggled softly and kissed my cheek.

"I love you, Ashes," he whispered and I kissed him softly.

"Love you too, Andy."

Everything in this house had to do with us. Everything held some sort of memory of me and him. I glanced around the room and I saw a photo sitting on the dresser. I walked over and picked it up staring at the small frame. The photo was of us smiling and laughing. I held it tightly in my hand and I felt the fragile glass crack in my grip. Another moment wasted in my life.

I feel so much better
Now that you're Gone Forever
I tell myself
That I don't miss you at all

Maybe I can't live without the small man. Maybe I need him to be with me every second of the day. I'm not as strong as I thought myself to be. I set the picture back on the dresser and climbed into my bed. The whiskey bottle stared at me from my beside table. I pulled the blankets over my head and I curled up with his pillow. Maybe I need him.

Not lying, denying
That I feel so much better
Now that you're Gone Forever

I shut my eyes and I felt a tear of pain roll down my cheek. I missed him more than anything. I want him to be here with me. Without Andy I'm nothing, but another lost soul. I need him and he didn't realize that when he walked out on me.

Now things are coming clear
And I don't need you here

Weeks passed and the pain from losing him let up a little bit. Not much, but still a little bit. If I saw something that reminded me of him my heart would feel like it was being shattered all over again. I didn't hear from my bandmates and I didn't hear from Andy. I still didn't know why he left me, but it didn't matter anymore.

And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared

Things were so much different now that he's gone. I can do whatever I want without having to hear him bitch about it. He didn't like it when I came home drunk, but now I can stay out all night and do whatever I want. I didn't have to listen to anybody anymore.

So I'll stay out all night
Get drunk and fuck and fight

I started drinking a lot more since he left. I would sit at bars for hours and just drink. Girls would come up to me and flirt and if I was lucky, one of them would want to take me home with them. A girl walked over to me and she looked at me with a smile on her face.

"What are you doing here alone, cutie?" she said with a sweet giggle. She had bright blue eyes that looked exactly like Andy's.

"Waiting for someone like you to come along," he said flashing a smile at her. A blush rose up on her cheeks and she sat down next to me. We talked for a while and she waited until I drunk before she dragged me back to her apartment and I had my way with her for the night.

Until the morning comes
I'll forget about our life

I sat at my apartment the next day. The empty walls and a bottle of whiskey seemed like my only friends now. I took a drink of the bottle and stared around the room. I was tired of sitting around here alone. I stood up and I pulled on my jacket and boots. I walked out the door and started heading towards the club without another word.

I feel so much better
Now that you're Gone Forever
I tell myself
That I don't miss you at all

I ordered my usual and took a seat at the bar. Not very many people were in the club at this time. It was too early in the day and most of them had other things to do with their lives. I looked around the room and took a sip of my drink. I had been staying in that house for way too long.

Not lying, denying
That I feel so much better
Now that you're Gone Forever

I stared at the people that were dancing. There was only a handful of them moving along with the music. I saw a couple standing on the dance floor and I sighed softly. I missed that dearly. I wouldn't mind finding someone else to share the rest of my life with. I looked back down at my whiskey and I heard someone take the seat beside me. I glanced over and I saw a man with raven black hair and bright blue eyes. Andy...

First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave

He stared at me for a second in surprise.

"Ashley..." he whispered softly and I glared at him. Just when I thought I was over him, he shows back up in my life.

"We need to talk, Andrew," I said grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the back door.

I should have known
It could be so much better

"A-ash I can explain," he stuttered and I just shook my head.

"What is there to explain. Andy I've been in pain for weeks because of you! You walked out on me for some stupid reason that I can't even explain!" I shouted and he just stared at me.

"Ashley, I had my reasons," he whispered.

"Then what were they?" I hissed at him.

I hope you're missing me
I hope I've made you see
That I'm Gone Forever

"I was having issues with the band. I needed some time alone," he whispered looking away from me.

"Why didn't you just tell me that, Andy? Why didn't you say you needed to have some alone time? Why did you just leave me?" I hissed.

"I didn't want to hurt you, Ashes," he whispered staring at me with those crystal blue eyes.

"You hurt me more than you think you did," I said with tears welling up in my eyes.

"I want you back, Ashley," he said placing his hand on my cheek.

"I-I-I..." I trailed off not able to say what I wanted to. He stared at me and I sighed.

"I can't," I whispered turning away from him and I walked away.

And now it's coming clear
That I don't need you here

I laid there thinking about the terrible thing I had did earlier. I had told Andy that I didn't want him. I was afraid I would get hurt again. My heart was screaming that I needed him, but my mind was telling me that I could do better. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life?

And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared

I heard my phone ring and I picked it up.

"Hello?" I choked out.

"Ashes, I'm coming over," Andy said and I just sighed.

"Go on ahead," I whispered and hung up the phone. Maybe I want him here with me...

I feel so much better
Now that you're Gone Forever
I tell myself
That I don't miss you at all

He knocked on the door with a sharp smack. I opened it up and he was standing there with tear tracks on his pale cheeks.

"I can't live without you," he whispered staring at me as if was afraid to walk into the house.

"You're going to hurt me again," I said looking at him. I was trying to hold back my tears.

"Ashes... I won't," he whispered walking into the house.

Not lying, denying
That I feel so much better
Now that you're Gone Forever

"How do I know that you won't," I said staring at him.

"If I do then, I'll leave you alone forever. I won't speak to you ever again and I'll leave you to live a happy life without me," he whispered and I nodded my head.

"Does that mean you'll take me back?" he asked.

"Only because I can't live without you, Andy," I whispered and he pulled me into a hug.

And now, you're Gone Forever

I kissed his lips softly and whispered, "I love you, Andy."

"I love you too, Ashes," he said and rested his head on my shoulder. I held him in the embrace because I never wanted him to leave again.

And now, you're Gone Forever

He'll never be gone forever.