Complicated Love

Friday 7th May,
I came down here to help get over mum but it’s so much worse now. I miss mum. I think dad is drinking again and I think I’m developing feelings for Ric; the most beautiful and perfect guy in the world. And the most crippling part is not seeing Ric again. He makes me forget and seems to accept that I’m a compulsive know-it-all.
Am I doing the right thing by trying to avoid him? I hope so. Because I feel if I get to know him more then that's it, I won’t go home. But I know I have to… I have to finish school and get into Cambridge Medical School. Unless I went to school here…
Noooo!! BAD idea, I’ve got to go home and see my dad. I have to go home.
Right now, I wish I had never met him.
Maria xღ

I left my hair to dry naturally curly after I washed it whilst I sat in the kitchen with auntie Morgan attempting to eat breakfast. I had dressed myself in a red t-shirt and faded grey jeans turning them up an inch automatically.

I poured myself a bowl of cheerios and added the milk. It was eight thirty in the morning and I knew I didn’t want to see Ric today.

"You ready to go round to Magentas today, I could take you round" Auntie Morgan said placing her mug in the sink.

She had her hair pinned up and was wearing black trousers and purple shirt and massive purple heels.

I looked up and smiled, but frowned at the same time. "I am ready but… can I stay here today?" I ducked my head in the bowl of soggy cereal.

I heard auntie Morgan pause, "You know, if you burry you nose anymore into that bowl, then you going to need a snorkel."

I looked up and saw a strange look on her face. "I want to be alone. I think I need to be.”

It was true, but not exactly only reasons I lead her to believe.

She stood for a moment, as if contemplating the idea of leaving me here alone all day. "Alright, but I have to go to work. Phone my mobile if you decide you want to go to Magenta’s. And remember to lock the door, you still have the key I gave you don’t you?”

I nodded and lifted a spoonful of the soggy cereal out of the bowl with the initial intention of eating it before being disgusted by it.

“Have fun at work.” I said before Morgan left.

I poured the cereal into the bin and went back up-stairs to the guest room and gathered my dirty clothes and took them downstairs into the laundry room and put them in the washing machine. I washed the dishes and hoovered the rugs.

When I had done cleaning all the rooms, I took my clothes out of the washing machine put them into the dryer.

I almost jumped out of my skin when my mobile started to ring. I looked at caller ID and realised it was Chelsea calling.

“Hey girl!" She said before I spoke.

"Hey.” I said, I couldn’t muster the energy to pretend to be even a little cheery. I was hitting depression and I didn’t care if anyone knew it or not.

"We’re bored without you, Gypsy says hi by the way. How are you, are you ok?" Chelsea asked.

"No.” I said; my voice sounding as I felt.

"I don’t know what to say to make you feel better." Chelsea said.

I heard a little scuffle between her and Gypsy before Gypsy spoke on the phone. "Listen; never be afraid to try something new. An amateur built the ark, but, professionals built the Titanic." Gypsy said.

I frowned and couldn’t stop myself from correcting her, “There are too many problems with that statement for me to count but for one; the Titanic sank. Two, the ark survived the flood." I said.

Gypsy didn’t speak but I heard Chelsea scolding Gypsy in the background before speaking to me again, “Give me the phone! Maria, ignore her. As always take your time and let us know if you need anything.”

We were interrupted by somebody knocking at the door. "I have to go right now." I said and hung up. I looked at the clock on the wall, five to twelve. Realizing that it wouldn’t be auntie Morgan, I looked through the peephole in the front door. I took a step back and stood agape, trying to figure out if I wanted to open it or not.

My mobile began to ring causing me to jump, the caller ID read: Ric. I denied the call and Ric shouted from the other side of the door. “Maria, open the door.”

I then realized what he had done. Opening the door, I frown and I said, “That was incredibly sneaky.”

"I thought you would have been round at mine by now." He had his arms crossed as he stood on the porch.

"I… I had stuff to do." I stammered, looking at our feet.

"Ok..?" He said questionably, but I didn't elaborate. He paused for a moment; he looked at me with concern and suspicion. "Well, are you coming round now?" He asked cautiously.

"No." I whispered, not looking at him. Hoping I didn’t offend him but I couldn’t spend any more time with him if I intended to carry out my education plan.

“Why are you avoiding me?!” He sounded exasperated, his hands displaying the feeling.

I was taken aback but I didn’t waver. “No I’m not.”

“You spent the entire evening with Raven last night and we both know you are too smart to find her company simulating.” He said, gesturing with his hands. He looked so… hurt.

"It's just... I needed to be on my own for a while." I said. It wasn’t the whole truth but it definitely wasn’t a lie.

He raised both of his eyebrows but I stuck to my story, giving no elaboration.

He stood there on the porch for a few minutes, thinking. "Come on." He said, turning round to walk down the steps.

"What? Where?" I asked shocked. I didn't expect him to say that.

"We’re going for a walk.” He said determined, he turned to face me at the bottom of the stairs.

"But..." I protested, standing in the doorway. I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to spend time with him let alone be alone with him again.

"Now." He said strongly, turning back around.

I still stood in at the door, weighing my options and didn’t expect what he did next. He ran up the stairs and knelt down a little and lifted me over his shoulder in a ‘fireman’s carry’. He grabbed the key from the table in the hall and locked whilst still holding me over his shoulder.

“Hey! Put me down! I’m not wearing any shoes!” I shouted but he ignored me; and continued to carry me down the street and down the road where the shops are which was on the way to his house.

As Ric walked, he didn’t speak and I had given up shouting at him. The silence seemed crippling and I didn’t know what I could say to break it.

He put me down on my feet and smiled. I put my hands on my hips and frowned up at him, “I have not got any shoes on!”

I started to walk past him to go back to my aunts but he grabbed my arm and stopped me.

“Look, I’m sorry, but I care about you and it hurts that you’re avoiding me.” He looked so sad; it actually made me feel guilty that I’d been so selfish. He lifted his hand and brought it to my right cheek, lifting my head, forcing me to look at him. "I have something to tell you." His hand left my cheek. He looked sincere and troubled.

I wanted to cry, I could feel the tears bubbling away behind my eye-sockets. Why did he have to make it so hard?

He took a deep breath and shuddered. "Maria," He started but didn't finish.

“Ric!” A females voice called.

Both our heads turned in the direction the voice came from to see a small thin pretty girl crossing the road.

The girl’s eye make-up was so heavy; I wondered how she was able to open her eyes. Her hair was so bright I couldn’t keep my eyes on its redness.

“I missed you!" The red-head said as she reached us but what she did made my mouth drop open. She stopped in front of Ric, put her hand on the back of his neck and kissed him full force on the lips.

I instantly turned around walked away, trying my hardest not to fall, stumble or trip over anything in my bare feet but I didn't stop; I just walked away as fast as I could.

I wiped my eyes before the tears that were forming fell to my cheeks.

"Maria!" I heard Ric call after me, but I ignored him and ran, hoping not to stand on something sharp. I reached in my jeans for the key to Morgan’s as I made my way up the stairs to the porch but it wasn’t there and I realized that Ric still had it.

"Maria, wait." His firm hand on my left shoulder.

“Give me the key.” I turned around and held my hand out for him to place it there. I hoped he wasn’t observant enough to see I was almost crying.

"Maria, that wasn't what it looked like." Ric had his hands in the air, as if he was ready to protect himself in case I tried to punch him.

"Why should I care what it looked like?" I asked, trying to be brave. “Give me the key!”

Ric looked taken back and embarrassed. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well...you ran away. What was I supposed to think?"

"I didn't run. I walked. I thought the two lovebirds should have been alone." I said challenging him, still waiting for the key.

"Me and Ellie are not together." He informed me, placing his hands on his hips.

My heart began to beat faster. "Why did you kiss her if you are not a couple?”

He stood for a few minutes as he thought about his answer. But the silence just made my heart race faster and my impatience shorten.

“Know what, don’t answer that. Just give me my key. I shouldn’t have to ask so many times.” I held out my hand yet again.

He just stood there with a blank expression on his face but he wordlessly handed over the key. I left him standing alone on the porch after I unlocked the door and entered. But once I was inside, I realized the flaw in what I had said; she had kissed him, not the other way round.

I hung my head in shame, realizing that I just made a complete fool of myself. I collapsed on the living room sofa and let myself cry. Cry about everything. My mum, my dad, Ric, that Ellie girl and especially home.

"Hello, anyone home?" Auntie Morgan called, coming through the front door.

I glanced at the clock wiped my tear stricken eyes and realized she was actually home before tea time. “You’re back early.”

"That’s right; I'm going to take you out for tea tonight." Auntie Morgan said coming to sit on the sofa next to me. She looked at me closely; "Are you ok?" she looked concerned, "Have you been crying?"

I didn't answer.

She didn’t say anything but she did wrap me in a tight comforting hug. After a little while of sitting like that, she spoke, "I know you miss your mum. I miss her too."

A couple of hours later, we walked into the restaurant where auntie Morgan had booked a table and were shown to our seats. Magenta and Ric were there, waiting for us. And I realized they must have been invited.

"Are Raven and Tony not coming?" Auntie Morgan asked, sounding disappointed.

"Yes, sorry." Magenta said as we sat down. "Tony had to work late and Raven is out on a date." Magenta explained.

I was sitting between Ric and Morgan, with Magenta across from me. Immediately, Morgan and Magenta started talking between themselves.

I glanced at Ric and tried to apologize. "Ric, about what happened this afternoon-" I began but Ric cut me off.

"Save it. I don't care. I didn't think you could become more of a know-it-all bitch but I was proved wrong by the way you acted this afternoon." He snapped.

My mouth shot open. I hoped he would have forgiven me but that was obviously out of the question. His face was furious, I’d never seen him look so angry.

A couple of hours later, Magenta and auntie Morgan were sitting in Magentas' living room talking. While me and Ric were arguing in his bedroom.

“So you were being an arrogant moron because?!" I yelled in Ric’s face, I hating being smaller than people.

“Why are you such a know-it-all?!” He shouted back, using his hands for emphasis.

I was getting so angry and exhausted with him for constantly calling me that, I’d had enough. “You know what?! There is nothing wrong with being smart! I am going to be such an extraordinary surgeon one day and being smart will make that happen!”

“Why do you always over-react? And what the hell was with you this afternoon?!" He asked just as loud.

I didn't know how to answer that so I just kept my mouth shut and didn’t say anything.

His eyes squinted, as if he was suspicious, "Were you jealous?"

My eyes widened but I denied the allegation, “No!”

Ric’s bright blue eyes widened, "You were, weren't you?" he asked stepping closer to me.

I didn't answer; I didn't even look at him. I felt utterly embarrassed, usually I run away from my feelings.

Ric stood in front of me; he took my chin in his left hand and lifted my head. "Elle's gay." He said.

My mouth dropped open into a comical O. “Seriously?”

He nodded and smiled.

My eyes drifted closed and I felt Ric’s warm, strawberry smelling breath on my lips. My heart felt like it had skipped a million beats.

"Ellie is my ex-girlfriend and when we broke-up we stayed good friends. And I haven’t seen her since she transferred schools a couple of months ago." He said; his breath warmer. He was getting closer.

Kiss me.

"Maria! Let’s go!" Auntie Morgan called from the living room.

We broke apart and started at each other in shock and embarrassment; we both knew what was about to happen.

"Maria, I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to-" Ric began but got cut off.

“Come on! Or I’m leaving without you.” Morgan called. I heard the front door open.

I stared at Ric and left without saying a word.

In the car on the way back to Morgan’s house, I kept thinking the same thing over and over again like a flickering light-bulb: I love Ric.