Phobia.

I was back on the streets again. Gordon had managed to persuade Blake to take me off of house arrest.

Not that he would have known really, they were both out the majority of the day, so I could have left easily. I didn’t though, although I wasn’t sure why, maybe I was hoping if I behaved, proved I wasn’t completely stupid, that I didn’t want to permanently put myself at risk he would lighten up, start talking to me properly.

He had been speaking, I couldn’t accuse him of ignoring me but it was stilted, cool. There was no intimacy.

I had gone too far, pushed him against me with my stupid actions and lost him in every way he had tried so hard to gain. I switched between feeling numb about it, accepting it.

Persuading myself I had expected it.

He didn't want me.

And anger, at him, myself, Jonathon.

But it also sunk back into truth, this was my fault, I’d pushed him away into this odd business like relationship, only speaking to me when necessary.

Most night he didn’t even share the bed with me, choosing to sleep on the couch.
Had it been our conversation the day I had seen Jonathon, my admittance of my fear.
Did he see truth in it? My mentality wavering.

Had he simply decided I was no longer worth the bother, causing him more worry.
After all, it had been six weeks, the city was either chaos or dead.
And there was a nuclear device.

I sighed, my breath released in white, it was cold, snowing, frost thick on the air that had caused me to slip a few times.

I took a few more steps, heading towards the library, a week ago, looking for books to burn a couple of others had discovered something odd.

A mass of families in there, workers from Wayne enterprises, Lucius Fox. There were also other wealthy families, the mayors children, judges and their spouses.

We’d stumbled across them and formed another sort of alliance, sharing supplies.

There were random spots of aids coming in, checked at gun point. And if they didn’t leave within twenty four hours they didn’t leave.

I was currently taking a bunch of candles raided from somewhere I wasn’t aware of, I was supposed to be exchanging it for things to burn. Not books, that was practically a crime in itself, but journals, old newspapers, something useful.

I had to check up and down the street as I made my way around, thankfully today the power was on, a rare treat so I was able to use the lift, greeting Lucius as I entered and pulled my hood down, fingers thick in my gloves.

“Good afternoon.” I nodded at him smiling, “Cold outside?”

“Freezing,” I answered, bringing my backpack around and pressing it into his hands, “It’s as much as we could spare.”

“Well, we’re thankful, come a bit further down, you look frozen half to death.”

I felt like it but nodded, trailing after him, the small bundles of families had made make-shift rooms on the lower floor, but the elevator door there was blocked for safety.

“How have you been keeping up?”

Lucius knew about the reactor, because, in a horrid twist of fate they had made it Wayne industries at first I wondered if it had been for Bruce, but no, it was some kind of green energy project he had started with Miranda Tate, a small foreign woman with piercing eyes.

The irony was almost laughable.

But with knowledge, a date came. The number of days we had left.
Gordon was coming up with a scheme, to try and use some kind of detector to work out which truck held the reactor, to mark it attack.

But we had none of what we needed, so instead we lurked in the shadows, checked on people.

“We got some rather interesting photography books for you, naked stuff, a lot of the folks here wouldn’t mind it being burnt.”

“Gordon will love it,” I teased, forcing the bomb from my mind.

How selfish was I? More concerned with Blake being off with me than the likely death of Gotham.
I suppose I was focusing on the now, on myself.

I was beginning to grow use to this new Gotham, so twisted. It was becoming regular, I knew where to avoid, who to avoid.

What we still didn’t know what how to disconnect the bomb without it exploding, that’s what Lucius was working on.

I let him shovel a bundle into my backpack, it aching my shoulders the instant I slung it back on.
“Thanks Lucius, Gordon’s planning on coming over next time he’s free and it’s clear.”

We were even working out the routes of the more trained and prepared men Bane owned.
Even so we had lost three men in the last week, they were hunting police down, going to their homes if they worked it out.

A widow and her surviving child were staying in the two bedroom apartment we had been in a couple of weeks ago. I swallowed hard, feeling my throat clench.

“Well, alright, you keep safe out there. We’ll keep doing all we can.” I nodded, smiling into Miranda’s unusually hard eyes and leaving out of the back door, not aware I had been watched.

Until the hand snatched up my wrist. I bit down hard on my tongue, ready to swing when I saw the red lips. “Selina?” I felt my eyes pop, letting her drag me down an alleyway, her eyes scanning swiftly for the hooded men that patrolled.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“What the hell am I doing?” I scoffed, tugging my arm free, “Where the fuck have you been, Blake says you announce Batman’s gone and then vanish?”

“What did you expect me to do?”

“Not sell him out!” My teeth were gritted, earning a flash of regret.

“I had to or they would have killed me.”

I sighed, a stream of white in front of my open mouth, “Well, now we’re all going to die anyway whatever happened to Bru...” Her face didn’t change at all, so she was well aware of Batman’s identity. “Batman doesn’t really matter, unless he’s planning of coming back on that fucking spaceship of his.” She rolled her eyes a little.

“I didn’t find you for you to have a go at me.”

“What did you expect, Oh hey Selina, haven’t seen you in almost two months, heard you fucked Batman over, enjoying the nuclear bomb?”

She blanked me, letting my anger flow over her, brushing it off with a gloved hand.

“I got one,” We started walking, and I allowed her to lead me, perhaps foolishly, “Why on Earth did you think going to the court was a good idea? You really do have a death wish don’t you?”

“Apparently so,” I said bitterly, “But I don’t need to explain that to you, I won’t be going back...and Jonathon has apparently put a price on my head.”

“Then why the fuck are you walking about?”

I didn’t answer and she turned, meeting my eyes, “He’ll do it you know whether you’re his sister or not.”

I swallowed deeply, my words enough for her. “You’re idiotic if you don’t realise that, blood means nothing.”

“It should.”

“Yes,” she said bitterly, keeping her eyes from me, mine own full with childish tears, “It should...but it doesn’t...oh, what’s wrong?”

“A lot of things are wrong Selina, if you hadn’t noticed.”

We continued onwards, there would have been some reason she found me, some purpose and all I had done was bitch at her. “Can you tell me what actually happened to him...Bruce?”

“I can tell you as much as I know.”

“Which is?”

“Not much, and it doesn’t really matter now, Bane is out in the open, they were hiding in the sewers, underneath Wayne enterprises...they...I kept getting threats, I did a deal with Daggett that he,” She pulled a pained smile, “Didn’t exactly go through on, so I sold him out like a coward to keep myself safe, to get him out of the way so I could leave Gotham.” Her voice was dripping with venom and sarcasm, “Clearly that didn’t happen.”

I shot her what I hoped was a comforting smile.

Turns out I’m not the most selfish person in Gotham.

“And they’re catching on to whatever you’re doing.” I lifted a brow, trying to keep my face unbothered, stone. “Jen unfortunately has decided to make a few ‘friends’ they know something is happening, but not where yet. Although they’ve worked out you’re tracking the tumblers, so you need to be careful.”

“We are being.”

“Obviously not enough.” We stopped at the end of a road, “You want to come up?” I glanced up, I hadn’t even realised we’d crossed into Oldtown and were back at her old apartment.

I frowned up at the building a little, “You’re still here?”

“Yeah?” I bit my lip, trailing after her up the stairs, all over flats seemed empty, two had the doors open, messes visible inside them both. “That surprise you?”

I shrugged, finally brushing into the familiar living room, “I just assumed with everything going on you’d take advantage of it.”

“You assumed wrong then.”

I nodded, admitting defeat at my belief of her character, “I guess I did, why are we here anyway?”

Part of me was scolding myself, I shouldn’t have come so easily, instantly. There was a time frame in me getting back before people would grow concerned.
Although I doubted by now Blake was one of them.

“I’m not a complete bitch.” She laughed at my face, “That’s a vote of confidence.”
“Let’s just return to what we were talking about earlier.”

“You’ve done things,” The teasing dropped, “Don’t you dare ever stand in front of me and pretend you have never done anything bad in your life.” Again I bit down on the inside of my cheek.

Don’t rise to it.

But it still came flooding back, at first I hadn’t really known what I was doing. Gathering bits for Jonathon, letting his coax me into meeting strange men and accepting packages.

When he was testing on people. I knew what he was doing.
And I was convinced the only way to stop him doing it to me was to help him.

“I never said that.” I was stiff, my voice, body, tense. Hers was much the same until she started to move again, dropping her small bag on the unmade bed.

I wasn’t that surprised her flat hasn’t been ransacked, it was in one of the nicer areas around here but it wasn’t worth ruining, nothing to steal.
And Selina certainly held a bit of authority and power.

I wanted to work out what Daggett had promised her, “What Daggett wanted, it was at Wayne’s wasn’t it..the night of the Harvey Dent Gala.” She nodded, back to me, “What was it?”

“A fresh start,” She said simply, confusing me, “But it doesn’t matter because it’s gone.”

She gestured for me to sit, “Why didn’t you find me beforehand? I’ve been keeping an eye out for you.”

“Why do you have to ask so many questions?” She grumbled, searching through her chest of drawers, eventually pulling something out as I stared at the faded picture on her bedside table, it held a woman, no doubt her mother.

I’d never asked her before, and I suppose never would.
“Why don’t you answer them straight?” She smirked, placing something in my hands, a small box.

“Happy Birthday.” It took me a second to realise, to calculate the date, of course. “You forgot,” She grinned, white teeth contrasting strongly against the red, “Of course you did.” She poked my forehead in a way so unlike her smiling, lips a thin line.

“I didn’t even know you knew when my birthday was.”

“I don’t know how old you are if that helps.”

“Twenty Eight.” She lifted a brow, obviously trying to work it out.

“Always assumed you were younger but that fits.”

I hadn’t been given a present as long as I could remember, I doubted Jonathon even knew the date. I was amazed she knew.

“Look, don’t piss yourself, it’s just a pair of earrings I stole from a judge.”

“Thank-you.” My voice was pathetic, weak.
In that second it just meant so much to me.

“I...I need to get back.”

“To your little police officer?” The tease was back, I shook her off.

“I don’t have a police officer.”

“Is that why you look so miserable?”

“That,” I said honestly, “And the bomb.”

“Funny,” She commented as I reached the door, “Sometimes I almost forget it’s even there.”
Sometimes...I hated how similar we seemed to be.
___________________________________________

“You took your time.”

“Yeah sorry,” I breathed, rubbing my hands together after I handed him the backpack, “Got talking with Lucius, he thought you’d enjoy these.” I nodded at the pile of magazines, several coated with nude images. I smiled, letting it flicker to Blake who pulled one towards him, earning a forced half smile in response.

It was another three weeks until we spoke properly again.
And by this time there was eighty-seven days until the nuclear device exploded.

Winter was in full force, the streets cold, wind hard and fast, lifting hair and taking away your breath.
Even inside I could feel the cold.

“Will you please just fucking look at me!”