Phobia.

“I do have a job you know.” I rolled my eyes slightly, smiling lightly at him and making my way to the passenger seat.

“I was expecting to ride in the back.” He glanced at me.

“Told my partner it was important, persuaded him to go home an hour early, make some time with his kids and stuff.” I nodded, for once swallowing my pride;

“Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Just doing my job,” he breezed, indicating to turn around the corner, “You alright? What happened?” I bit my lip slightly,

“I’m fine...same old really...I just need to talk to Gordon,”

“He not around?”

“Clearly,” I rolled the word off my tongue, “Or maybe I just missed you so much,” he snorted lightly, the car slowing as it caught in the seemingly never ending traffic that surrounded downtown.

“You sure you’re okay?” I fought back the urge to smile although my stomach was still turning from Jonathon’s insinuation, it was nice, someone seeming to care about me, whether or not he was getting paid for dealing with me.
Or likely boosting his salary as a perk from Gordon.

“My brother is in the highest security prison in Gotham for trying to poison the water supply and kill most of the city.” I stated blandly, turning so I was facing him, “I happened to be the person who turned him in...” his eyes widened slightly, and my tone grew sarcastic, “So, as you can imagine our visits are never particularly delightful.” He turned back to the road, the traffic moving again.

“And you’re not going to tell me what it was about?” I almost scoffed.

“I don’t tell anyone anything.”

“Except Gordon.”

“I trust Gordon.”

“You don’t trust me by now?”

This time I did scoff, “You mean in the last almost 24 hours, including the stalking?”

“I wasn’t stalking you. I was... I recognised you and it bugged me, and to be quite frank you seemed pretty mental.” I laughed out loud, shocking myself.

“That’s not very professional is it?” He looked a bit bashful, focusing intently again on his driving.
“Well, to be fair I think you’re proving my suspicions right.”

“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet...” I glanced outside, “Can you drop me a couple of blocks from here? I need to meet some people.” His eyes narrowed slightly, the skin prematurely crinkling around them.

“Nothing illegal I hope,” as we pulled over, he spoke again, looking more serious than for the majority of the trip, “Of course not Officer,” I said with a hint of sarcasm, not lying for definite.

I may be visiting a criminal but I had no plans to commit any crimes myself.
Maybe.

I wet my dry lips, removing my seatbelt and fiddling in my bag. “Any luck with the congressman?” he shrugged, obviously wondering why I hadn’t got out of the car. Quite simply I didn’t want too, to enter back into what was my reality...to go dig around Selina, find out if she heard anything then spend the night trying to get a hold of Gordon to inform him.

“Not yet,” he answered eventually, shifting in his seat so he was more comfortable, his body twisted towards me, “Not that it’s exactly a major issue.”

“I’d be thankful that’s all you have to worry about.”

“It isn’t” he said bluntly, eyes turning intense in the drop of a hat.

I pursed my lips, once again feeling the overwhelming urge to open up to him. It was horrible that I suddenly felt like I should care about what made him look so angry, what made his voice turn suddenly.

Caring about people was horrible.
Considering the only people I did was my mad scientist of a brother, a prostitute I saw perhaps a couple of times a month and the aging commissioner of this shit-hole.

Actually caring about someone so...irritating, so quickly was horrific.

I sighed, “I was talking to Gordon yesterday because I think my brother’s compound is reaching the public again.” He seemed shocked I was telling him but nodded mutely, letting me continue, “The dealer last night confirmed it, but Jonathon didn’t...although he was hinting, that...” I gestured with my hands, unsure of what I had even heard, of what meaning could be behind his riddles, “I think something bigger is going on, and I want to find out what that is.”

“Something is definitely happening,” he confirmed after a few minutes silence, turning further so he was leaning over the handbrake slightly, his jaw tense as he thought out loud.

“I spoke to someone earlier, I found a body I recognised from...” he shook his head slightly, more to himself than me, “I spoke to his brother, it’s the poor end of the city...he said that people are looking for work in the sewer, that something is happening down there.”

“In the sewer?” I felt my forehead furrow as I searched for any reference I had heard, shaking my head when I came up empty, “I don’t think I’ve heard anything about that.”

That was strange, all I did with my time was pretend to be someone else, or interested in something and ask around the underbelly of crime that still lurked in Gotham.

“Are you sure?” he leant back again slightly, shrugging, his teeth biting into his thin lower lip, the rest of his face finally smoothing, instantly making him look younger, his skin soft.
I almost rolled my eyes at myself, of all the things to think of.

“I’ll keep an ear out, there’s a chance the two might have something in common, normal dealers won’t touch Jonathons’ compound.”

“So you think they’d linger in the sewer?” he frowned again, fingers tapping on the steering wheel.

“Nah, he said job... there was work down there for men.” I licked my lips again, letting out a light breath as I leant back against the stiff seat.

“I’ll ask around, where are the accessible entrances?”

“No.” He said instantly, staring me down, “It’s dangerous, we don’t know what it could be.” This time I did roll my eyes,

“You know it’s probably nothing, rumours.”

“I dunno,” he mused, “I feel like it’s more than that.” The silence stretched again, as always broken by him, “I know you clearly like putting yourself in stupid situations but don’t try and get down there.” I frowned, I hadn’t been planning on actually going down the sewer, just asking around and I told him as much, once again he shook his head.
“You always eager to put yourself in such danger? What is it?” I kept silence but he guessed, easily.

“You blame yourself for your brother don’t you?”

I didn’t answer, and he sighed, climbing out of the car and coming to my side, opening the door for me, “Whatever bad stuff people around you do doesn’t make you bad,” he looked slightly embarrassed at his sudden philosophy.

“When multiple people you trust get absorbed by darkness you begin to wonder if it is you.” I said curtly, brushing past him as I left the car. Stopping suddenly when his hand gently looped around my wrist,

“Don’t do anything stupid Keira.” The way he said my name made my breath catch in my throat slightly, “I mean it.” I turned round to him, his hand was warm, palms slightly rough, I exhaled deeply but nodded, his hand moving away slowly, the cold hitting my wrist instantly.

“I’ll stay home,” I promised, not mentioning that I still had every intention of going to Selina’s apartment.

“Good,” he breathed, nodding at me shortly before brushing past me again, having to lean lightly against me, his hand on my hip as a car went past far too quick.

“Thank-you,” I said quietly, following him around the car and standing on the sidewalk and he got back into the cruiser.

“No problem,” he said, with a small smile on his face. “Don’t do anything illegal alright?” I smirked at his teasing, nodding again, “I’ll try my best. Good luck with the congressman, I’d start with lap dancing clubs.” He chuckled, the noise pleasant and pulled away, mutely fluttering the fingers on one hand as a wave.

We had been in the car less than an hour, and he had got me to reveal pretty much everything whilst also getting in a chance to analyse me.

Very smooth Officer Blake.

And to tell you the truth, I felt more relieved than annoyed.
Maybe there was some truth behind this opening up and feeling better malarkey Gordon spouted.

_________________

“She isn’t here.” Jen said simply, her hair as frizzy and large as always.

“Where is she?” Jen giggled lightly, opening the door and letting me answer the ding apartment, bigger than mine and with a lingering dust. “What did you want? She hasn’t done any big jobs in a while.”

“She was at the fundraiser and Bruce Wayne’s place, don’t tell me she was there just to be a waitress,” her eyes widened slightly and she laughed nervously, shrugging her shoulders,
“I don’t know what she was doing,” she lied and I let it drop, it didn’t really matter.

“Have you heard anything about the scarecrow’s compound lately?” She looked confused, and I felt uncomfortable, both from asking her and from using the term the newspapers slapped on my brother.

“What do you mean?” I shrugged, trying to act casual, neither she of Selina knew my real identity and I preferred to keep it that way.

“I’ve heard stuff about it being back on the market, I don’t want it personality obviously.”

She scoffed slightly, “You gunna report it to Gordon?” she said it scornfully, although well aware I had never said anything that would compromise her or Selina.

“You know I have never mentioned either of you,” I said once again, when people know you’re a rat they’re less likely to be honest, “And Selina has always respected that, so I expected you would.”

She turned, starting to boil the kettle and offering me a mug of tea which I turned down, “You hungry?” she offered, the clock on her wall saying it was past two pm. I shook my head, ignoring the grumble in my stomach.

I wouldn’t touch food I hadn’t brought and prepared myself.
That was the paranoia breaking through.

“A guy I went out with the other night mentioned something that sounds like it from what you’ve said before,” she said, finally sitting down, a packet of crisps in one hand, speaking with her mouth full, “Like the shakes and shit,” I nodded, wishing she would just hurry up.

“But I dunno where it’s coming from, he just mentioned it in a kinda ‘stay away from that shit’ way, I haven’t heard anything else.” I frowned but wasn’t overly surprised, Jen was nowhere near as vigilant as Selina, she only cared about what guy she could fuck and steal their wallet.

“Thanks anyway,” I said, standing up slowly, suddenly feeling really tired, “You hear anything else lemme know.”

“Why are you so interested in it?” She asked finally, the open door in her hand as I went to head down the stairway,

“I’m not... just heard some stuff and Gordon asked me to keep an eye out.” She nodded, grinning before she let the door slam and I hurried on down the stairs.

Another thing, Selina would have seen through that lie, I suppose in a way it was good that Jen wasn’t very observant.

___________________________________

I was debating breaking my promise to Blake, it was late and I was bored. The TV was on in the background, some reality show that just seemed to be girls shouting at one another. I had eaten my first and only meal of the day, winced at a large and very strong vodka and lemonade and had collapsed on the sofa bored.
So bored.

I kept switching between staring blankly at the screen and thinking about Jonathon’s words, striving to work out what he had meant, or how I could figure it out.

But I wasn’t clever enough, as he had pointed out. As he had always pointed out.
And then Blake, actually seeming to give a fuck.
That confused me more than anything.

I growled, standing up and treading softly over to the small kitchen units built into the wall at the opposite end of the room, pouring myself some more vodka, this time without the lemonade.
Fuck it.
No-one cared enough to worry about me drinking myself to death.

I couldn’t get into my book, well in truth it wasn’t for me, I had brought it to give to Jonathon on my next proper visit. That thought alone made the drink turn in my stomach.
“Get your fucking head together,” I scolded, standing up.

I had to go out, being alone just made the thoughts worse. And when they got worse well... the scars I took a great deal of care to cover were made.

I talked to my wardrobe, flicking quickly between the clothes I liked to wear and the clothes I wore when I went out on nights like this. I chose a purpledress with cut outs, sexy but not overly slutty so depending on where I went I should be able to get in. I could hear Blake’s voice ringing in my ears but shook it off.

I needed to find this stuff out.
I couldn’t let Jonathon hurt anyone again.
After I has just idly watched before...until it was too late.

I couldn’t fuck up like that again.

I slipped on a pair of heels, regretting it instantly as I felt the arch of my foot stretch. No wig, I couldn’t be bothered, and I was intending to hit up areas I normally wouldn’t. Less need for a disguise.

Perhaps I was beginning to grow careless.

I left the apartment, heading further down my street before I hailed a taxi, paying in cash.
I suppose when I promised not to do anything illegal I may have lied.
I still thieved the odd thing, jewellery, expensive heels – stuff I could sell and make a decent profit from easily.

Gordon didn’t pay me anywhere near as much as Harvey, not that I expected it.
I just liked to have nice things sometimes.

“That’ll be fifteen forty,” the driver called back, and I paid him quickly, I swear Gotham got more expensive every year.

“Louise!” a voice called a few minutes later as I walked past a couple of bars, I froze as a young guy ran up to me, grinning widely.
Place him, Louise. When was the last time I used Louise?

“I thought it was you, you’ve changed your hair though,” he said, lifting a curl.
Touchy, he was flirting.
I found the memory quickly,

“Hey Ryan,” I said, plastering a large fake smile on my face, “How’s the black market treating you?” he laughed, placing his arms around me and seemingly not noticing me going rigid.

“Same old, nearly got caught a few weeks back, someone must have tipped the pigs off.”
Oops.

“That sucks!” I exclaimed, still making my voice overly high, play to the character. Dumb bitch who wanted to sell some electronics....what was the back story behind that?

I didn’t have to remember myself, Ryan bringing up my lack of produce quickly, “Oh yeah, the guy who gave me the stuff got worried about the cops.” I lied easily, irritated that Ryan had now decided to escort me along the road, seemingly intending to spend the rest of the evening with me.

“Are you meeting someone, you’re all dressed up.”

“Yeah I am,” I lied, He frowned slightly but turned it quickly back into a winning smile.

“Well I’ll see you around, you have my number if you get or need anything.” I nodded, of course I didn’t have his number, it had been shredded and tossed in my small bin the second I no longer needed it.

“Yeah, we’ll have to arrange too...” I stopped talking and let out a light scream, the sound of gunfire loud in the air, just round the corner.

“Whoa!” he shouted, coming forward and dragging me back as multiple police cars sped around the corner, “What the fuck do you think is going on?” I shook my head, worry hitting me in a weird way, aimed on one question I didn’t even realise until later.

What if Blake was there?