Status: slowly updating :D
Subtle Love
Prologue
I was never the popular type of girl or the pretty one either. In fact, I am the stuttering wall flower that always sits at the back of the class, trying to intermingle with the background.
Most of all, I never imagined I would fall in love, especially with a handsome fellow. My heart always yearned to be wrapped in some honest, loving and compassionate man’s arms, and to hear the most important words… I love you.
But I am just dreaming, because why would someone even glimpse at me, except to scorn or mock the girl who stutters. Why would they want to talk to me, yet be so kind and open to get to know me and love me?
Maybe love is not for everyone and that fact is set in stone. No matter what, as long as you have your dignity, you move on and get over it. At least that is what my father thinks. But his version of moving on and getting over things is moving out of the state.
It is not the first time he did that. He did it when he divorced mom five years ago after finding out all the money they shared was going towards alcohol and gambling. My brother took a similar approach as our mom, only his path included gangs and drugs and countless police arrests. When my dad finally had enough of his son’s nonsense, we high-tailed it out of there, settling down in a small, quaint town the next state over, hoping to start anew.
Though my dad smiles at both brother and sister, I can see it in his eyes that he is just waiting for another mistake so we can run away again. Sometimes I feel that he thinks I am going to mess up next, assuming that the rest of his family already messed up.
But who is he kidding? Does he really think that the girl with the least self-confidence in the world is going to enter the world of playboys and drugs, when she cannot even talk right herself? Does he think I am going to make a deal with the local mafia when I can barely even ask the price at the local flee market? Who the hell is he kidding?
I, for one, think he is disappointed in me. I always think that he wishes someone in this family could just be normal. But instead he got stuck with a gambling ex-wife, a drug dealer son, and a stuttering fool of a daughter. I pity that man who gave me so much. Who gave his family so much and only does what is right for them. He compromised so much for us and yet he still needs to live in a world where he needs to watch our every step so we will not fall. The least we could do is let him trust us.
I wish I had the power to give him a vacation. A vacation where he does not need to guide his eldest son every inch of the way so he does not end up dead in a gutter. A vacation where he does not need to provide speech therapy lessons for his daughter since the age of two. He needs a break.
Hopefully moving to this new town will let him get a breath of fresh air. Hopefully, my brother will fall into the right company this time and he will not disappoint or disgrace this family again.
Hopefully.
Most of all, I never imagined I would fall in love, especially with a handsome fellow. My heart always yearned to be wrapped in some honest, loving and compassionate man’s arms, and to hear the most important words… I love you.
But I am just dreaming, because why would someone even glimpse at me, except to scorn or mock the girl who stutters. Why would they want to talk to me, yet be so kind and open to get to know me and love me?
Maybe love is not for everyone and that fact is set in stone. No matter what, as long as you have your dignity, you move on and get over it. At least that is what my father thinks. But his version of moving on and getting over things is moving out of the state.
It is not the first time he did that. He did it when he divorced mom five years ago after finding out all the money they shared was going towards alcohol and gambling. My brother took a similar approach as our mom, only his path included gangs and drugs and countless police arrests. When my dad finally had enough of his son’s nonsense, we high-tailed it out of there, settling down in a small, quaint town the next state over, hoping to start anew.
Though my dad smiles at both brother and sister, I can see it in his eyes that he is just waiting for another mistake so we can run away again. Sometimes I feel that he thinks I am going to mess up next, assuming that the rest of his family already messed up.
But who is he kidding? Does he really think that the girl with the least self-confidence in the world is going to enter the world of playboys and drugs, when she cannot even talk right herself? Does he think I am going to make a deal with the local mafia when I can barely even ask the price at the local flee market? Who the hell is he kidding?
I, for one, think he is disappointed in me. I always think that he wishes someone in this family could just be normal. But instead he got stuck with a gambling ex-wife, a drug dealer son, and a stuttering fool of a daughter. I pity that man who gave me so much. Who gave his family so much and only does what is right for them. He compromised so much for us and yet he still needs to live in a world where he needs to watch our every step so we will not fall. The least we could do is let him trust us.
I wish I had the power to give him a vacation. A vacation where he does not need to guide his eldest son every inch of the way so he does not end up dead in a gutter. A vacation where he does not need to provide speech therapy lessons for his daughter since the age of two. He needs a break.
Hopefully moving to this new town will let him get a breath of fresh air. Hopefully, my brother will fall into the right company this time and he will not disappoint or disgrace this family again.
Hopefully.