Diary of a Hunter

I sat, curled up on the porch swing with The Beautiful and Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I had a blanket wrapped around me but the cold December air was getting to me. I hugged the blanket around myself tighter but it was no use.

"Ugh," I groaned. I returned to my book to try and take my attention away from the cold. It was a beautiful day and I wanted to be outside but it was freezing! I shivered and my teeth chattered. I should just be a smart person and actually go inside but I was stubborn.

"Hi, girlfriend," someone said, draping another blanket next to me and sitting down. I smiled to see Dean put his arm around me and hold me close to him. I leaned my head on his shoulder, attempting to get warm. "You're freezing! Why don't you come inside?"

"Because I'm stubborn," I pouted.

"Yeah, you are. I had to come all the way out here in the freezing cold to give you another blanket just because you're stubborn. I could get hypothermia, you know? And it'd be all your fault," Dean teased.

"Hey," I said, nudging him playfully. The two of us shared a sweet laugh and just sat there for a while, just enjoying each others' company. I returned to my book and he just sat there, warming me up. Some would say we were cuddling but if I ever said that to Dean, he'd of course deny it and try and come up with some kind of manlier term.

This felt so right and so good. I had never felt this way before about someone ever. I could feel Dean's chest rise and fall as he took each breath. It was getting harder and harder to focus. Things had been heating up between Dean and me but we had never gotten to… that point. We hadn't even talked about but the thing was I didn't even think I needed to talk about it. I think I wanted it. I was in love with him so why not? Who else would I want my first time to be with?

"Watchya readin'?" Dean asked.

"Oh it's so good! It's called the Beautiful and Damned," I started.

"Is that some kind of tortured romance novel?" Dean asked, making a face.

"No!" I exclaimed. "It's a classic, Dean! It's by Fitzgerald. He wrote the Great Gatsby. You know that book you just happened to do a paper on."

"Ew, gross," Dean said, making an even worse face that his reaction to the idea that I was possibly reading a romance novel. I threw my head back in laughter at his reaction and then kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you, you know that?" I asked. I was completely enamored with this boy. He had me in the palm of his hands – really.

"I love you too," he said back. I leaned in and gave him a small peck on the lips before getting up off of the porch swing. "Where are you going?"

"I've decided to stop being so stubborn and to go inside, although I did enjoy you warming me up," I said, smirking a little bit towards the end of my thought.

"Any time, baby," he shrugged, playing it off like a 'cool' guy.

"So are you coming?" I asked.

Dean scratched his head hesitantly, "Dad, Sam, and Bobby are playing some board game and I know if I go back inside they'll make me play. You have to play too if I go back inside."

"Okay, deal," I said back.

"Okay," Dean stood up, walking towards me. The two of us walked inside as we were coaxed by Bobby to come play. "You promised."

"I know," I giggled. "I'm excited for our date tonight."

"Me too," he replied.

"Hey, I'm actually just going to get another sweater upstairs. This one isn't really working out for me. I'll be done in a second," I said.

"But- don't leave me!" he melodramatically cried.

I laughed, "You'll be fine." I shook my head as I ascended the steps and jogged to my room. I got out a large sweater that used to be Bobby's that I always wore out of comfort. Instead of going back downstairs, I picked up the phone. I needed someone to talk to badly.

I lay on my bed, propped up against the headboard and let the phone ring as I waited for Molly to pick up the phone. I grabbed the pictures from the photo booth of me and Dean that were inside my nightstand drawer. I looked them over and couldn't help but smile. The first few were beautiful and innocent. We just smiled and laughed together but you could see the connections. The other ones of us kissing reflected the early stages of our relationship.

"Hello?" a voice said, on the other line.

"Molly, hi, it's me," I said, urgently. I glanced at the door to make sure it was closed. It was.

"Hey, Meredith. What's up?" she asked.

"Can I talk to you… about something," I asked back, nervously.

"Yeah, of course. What is it?" she asked back, a tone of concern heavy in hear voice.

I swallowed hard before answering. I really hoped that no one was listening in to my phone conversation, "I think I want to have sex with Dean."

"Shut up! What?" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, I know. It's just that we were sitting on the porch today, I mean, just sitting there and it felt so right. Not that… I mean, I just feel like there's no other person and that it has to be Dean. I've never felt about someone like this before!" I explained, exasperated and head over heels.

"Oh my God. Well I mean, do you know when…?" she asked.

"I don't know! You can't plan that stuff, can you? I don't know when. And I'm not talking about tonight. I mean, we can't possibly do it tonight or many other nights either because Bobby and his father are always home. If they were to go on a hunt maybe but… I don't know it's not like I want it now it's just that I have some clarity now. I didn't really know but now I do," I replied, trying to clarify.

"Yeah, I get what you're saying. You weren't really sure if you even wanted to but now you are. So are you going to tell him?" Molly asked.

"I don't think so. Should I? That's kind of why I called you actually," I asked back. "I just… I don't know what to do! I've never been in this situation and I knew that I couldn't talk to anyone but you about this."

"Aw, I'm glad that I'm your person. You're definitely my person too! As for talking to him, if it ever comes up you can say something," Molly said. "Awww. Sorry, I'm just happy for you. Not the whole sex thing, I mean, not that that's bad but it'd just be weird if I were happy for you because you wanted to have sex."

I laughed, "Yes, that would be very weird."

"No, I'm just happy that you feel this way about Dean. Sometimes when things get tough, well before you and I became friends, Cole was the only person that I felt like I could trust during all of my parents' issues. He's what keeps me sane sometimes and I'm just happy that you have that too," she explained.

I nodded, "Well thank you and yes, it's really crazy. Dean and I practically grew up together. It's just weird that he's that person for me. I mean, we kind of had crushes on each other as kids but we were kids…

"Yeah. Well I'm glad that you called me," she said, sincerely.

"Me too," I replied.

"Hey, I should get going. I'm making dinner. It's just Dad and I now and I think he's really having trouble coping with the feeling of being alone," Molly said.

"Aw, well tell him I said hi. How are you doing with it all?" I said back.

"I'm fine, I guess. I mean, you know how it is. It's hard but I guess it's for the best. Good luck on your date tonight though," Molly said.

"Thanks, and good luck with your dad," I said back.

"Thank you, bye," she said.

"Bye," I replied, before I heard a click and ended the call as well. I put the phone down and hurried down stairs back to Dean. Dean looked miserable playing the board game. I couldn't help but laughing a little.

"Finally! Hey, Dad, Bobby, Sammy, Meredith and I should probably get going soon," Dean said, jumping up at the sight of me.

I smiled, "Sorry, I missed the board game."

"Yeah," Dean mumbled, bitterly. I had to fight the urge to laugh.

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Dean and I just talked and laughed in the car. The best part of Dean and I's relationship was the fact that we were best friends who just happened to be in love with each other. I felt like I could be 100% myself around him and he'd love me for whoever I was. We arrived at the restaurant and I just looked around it. It was a pretty, small, romantic, local, family owned Italian restaurant. A waiter came by and seated us and gave us menus.

"Thank you," the both of us said, politely.

"Aw, Dean, this place is really nice," I smiled.

"Yes, well you're only request was that it was somewhere where you didn't have to wear heels and a dress so voila!" Dean said.

I giggled before saying, "Yeah, it seems like the only places we've ever gone out on dates had been some formal event. Well and then homecoming too."

"That and the football thing," Dean said.

"That was not a date!" I exclaimed. Dean made a face at me in protest.

"You were with another girl," I pointed out. "And I was with Sammy."

"That's true," Dean said. "What about the mall?"

"I wouldn't exactly say that was a date but we did end up making out so that probably counts for something," I said, laughing a little.

"Yes, we did," he smirked. I blushed as I thought about my revelation today.

Dean and I ordered and got out food about twenty minutes later.

"You know, I think it'd be really nice to go to Italy sometime. I think that's the one place I would go if I could," I said.

"Oh yeah? I'd go to Vegas," Dean said back.

I laughed, "Of course you would. No but really, if you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?" I was truly curious. I really wanted to know.

"France. They have nude beaches," he said, in a very confident manner. I laughed and rolled my eyes, kicking him gently under the table. "Hey!" He then shrugged. "I don't know. My family has spent the most of our lives traveling. At some point I think I just want to have a real home. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I want the whole apple pie thing but just some place that I can actually call home – even if it's a shabby old apartment with a couch, bed, fridge, and I was living alone. I'd be good, you know?"

I smiled a little. Underneath his high school boy exterior, he was actually really deep, "Well you can have that someday."

"Nah. I think I'm probably going to grow up a hunter. I'll probably die doing it anyways," he shrugged.

"Dean!" I protested.

"What, Mer, it's true!" he said.

I sighed, "Well, I don't want it to be." I could tell that he didn't really want to have a deep heart to heart right now. "At least I don't want to think about you dying."

"Well I have to at some point," he shrugged. Obviously he had thought about this enough to have built an immunity to it, or at least a false one.

"I know, but not now," I said back. Under the table, I grazed his leg with my foot, hoping it'd change his mood. I watched as a smile curled on his lips.

"You.." he grinned, winking.

I nodded, "I'm your girlfriend and I've known you for too damn long. I'm supposed to know how to cheer you up. Besides, we can have this talk some other time but right now, we're actually on our first real date. Maybe we shouldn't talk about our deaths."

"You're right," he admitted. The two of us exchanged smiles and avoiding the topic of death for the rest of the evening.

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"You know, the fact that we live together is pretty convenient. Though, it does kind of get in the way of me walking you to your door and then leaving," Dean said at the end of the night.

"Yeah but that means we don't really have to say goodnight," I shrugged.

"This is true," he said, softly. Neither of us were really focused on the conversation anymore.

His eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips and then back up to my eyes again. Instead of letting the tension build, I just leaned in and crashed my lips against his. He kissed me back, pulling my body closer to his. Things started to heat up as his hands grazed my ribcage under my shirt. He pulled it off and I let him. I knew that things wouldn't go far tonight but this was the test. "So let's just say we were going to have sex tonight," I told myself. And to my surprise, I was okay with it. I was ready. Dean pulled my shirt off and I left a trail of kisses on his jaw down to his neck.

"Mer," he groaned. I smiled against his skin and began to unbutton his shirt. He pulled me back to him and kissed me. Suddenly the porch light went on and after the alarmed panic that ran through my Dean and me, the two of us laughed.

"We should get inside before Bobby comes out here himself," I said running my fingers through my hair and laughing embarrassedly.

"Yeah, definitely," Dean said, staring at me just in my bra. Well, he was definitely not looking at my eyes.

"Yeah, okay. My shirt, please," I demanded, playfully.

"Do I have to?" he groaned.

"Well I could go inside without a shirt on and Bobby could… you know, kill us," I suggested, casually.

"Here," Dean said, handing me my shirt. I laughed and then kissed him once.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," I said.

"Me too," he replied, pulling me in for another kiss before the both of us made ourselves look decent and then went back into the house.