Status: trying my best to update when i can :) full-time college student!
Mutually Numb
Hakuri
Right on time, I heard a faint knock on my front door, and then familiar mumbling outside. The door was unlocked a few moments later. A small body came bursting into my apartment, running to find where I was.
“Momma!” The small voice cried as she ran up and hugged me. I picked her up and spun her around, listening to her rapid giggling in the process.
“Hey, honey, how was your day?” I said while putting my daughter on the ground
She fixed her lacey pink dress and looked up at me, “It was good! Me and daddy painted together and then baked some cookies!”
Ruki looked around the corner of my door and let himself in. He walked over to the kitchen where Aimie and I were standing. I looked at Ruki with a questioning eye, “You two cooked?”
He chuckled. “It was just from a box mix. I think we managed out alright, didn’t we, Aimie?”
She laughed and hugged Ruki’s leg. “Daddy had to read the instructions a few times and almost burned them! He put in the wrong temperature number!”
He rolled his eyes and scruffed the hair on the top of her head.
About five and a half years ago, Ruki and I both had a little bit too much to drink at a party. The ending result was obvious; I had gotten pregnant. But, after much persuasion, Ruki was able to convince me to keep the baby. To this day, I am so glad that he convinced me to keep her - we both love Aimie with all of our hearts. I can honestly say that she is the best thing that has happened to me and to Ruki. We were able to remain friends throughout the entire process, so Aimie sees both of us quite often. Our relationship has never evolved from anything past being platonic, even though we have a child together. I often wondered if he had ever thought of us as a couple, it has been 5 years and neither of us has been in a serious relationship. Even though we were still very close, I wonder if it is only Aimie keeping us together. Usually everything we do together only revolves around her; and it is an odd feeling not knowing if the father of your child actually likes you as a person.
“Hey, Aimie,” I started, “Why don’t you go in your room and play with your dolls for a little bit. I’ll meet you in there in a few minutes, okay?”
She nodded her head and ran over to her room.
“Was she good?” I asked, leading me and Ruki over to the couch.
“Yeah, she was great. Although I feel like she’s a little tired moving between your apartment and mine so much, she always complains about forgetting things.”
“I know Ruki; she’s mentioned it to me too. But considering that neither of us have enough space for a second person to move in, I think that needs to get put off. I really would love for her to have a normal home life, though.”
“Why, has she been asking ‘the question’ again?”
I sighed and nodded my head. “She brought it up the other day.”
Ruki looked me in the eyes and breathed deeply, “Actually, speaking of that, I was wondering if I could ask you something, Claire.”
I always hated it when people said that to me; I need to ask you something. Out of instinct, I assumed the absolute worst and I panic more than I should. Most of the time the resulting answer isn’t as bad as I think it will be, but I would rather not have a panic attack before hearing it. “Go ahead; what do you want to ask?”
“Do you think us seeing other people would affect Aimie? I know she already thinks it is weird that her mom and dad aren’t married, or even in a relationship. But, she is five now, and I feel like she would be able to understand. I mean, it isn’t any weirder than her parents just being friends, right?”
I looked at him in complete shock. I guess my panic before wasn’t really unnecessary, the feeling didn’t go away when he asked the question. Ruki and I never had a relationship even before we had Aimie, but I guess I still thought of it as weird for him to be with anyone else. We obviously cared for each other, but hearing that made me feel like I was being pushed aside. I had never thought of us being a couple before, but hearing that definitely put the thought into my mind.
Ruki continued to speak to fill up the empty space of my response, “I mean, it isn’t like I have met anyone just yet, but I was wondering for future references.”
I still wasn’t exactly sure what to say, but I managed to get something out, thankfully. “You’d have to talk with Aimie about that, I guess. Speaking of her, it’s almost 9:30 and I need to put her to bed. You should probably go.” I didn’t really care if I sounded rude or not, I wanted him out and Aimie to bed so I could lie down and go through things in my head; maybe call Kai up.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
“…and then the prince and the princess lived happily ever after.” I closed Aimie’s favorite story book and pulled the covers up on her more. “Goodnight, dear, I love you.”
As soon as I was about to turn off her light, Aimie started to fidget. “Wait, Mommy,”
“Yes, dear? What is it?”
“Why aren’t you and Daddy like the prince and princess in the story?” There is it again, ‘the question’. “All of my friend’s parent’s live like the people in the stories, and they kiss just like they always do at the end. Why don’t you and daddy kiss?”
I sighed, still a little shooken up about what Ruki brought up earlier. “Well, you see, some moms and dads aren’t meant to be just like the princes and princesses in the stories; if everyone was royalty, who would they rule over? All you need to be sure of is that me and Daddy love and care about you, okay?”
She smiled, but was still dissatisfied with my answer. She asks me the same question every other day because she wants a straight answer; if only I could give myself one.
“Go to sleep, you don’t want to be tired tomorrow morning. I love you.” I kissed her forehead and turned off the lights.
After making sure Aimie was in bed and asleep, I went straight to my room and pulled out my phone. I pushed Kai’s number on speed dial and waited for him to pick up. The phone rang a few times, and then I was taken straight to his voicemail. It was only 10:00, he is usually awake now.
Since Kai was asleep or out somewhere, it was only me and my thoughts for the night. Being stuck with myself isn’t always my most preferable choice, but when it comes down to it, all a person really has is themselves to rely on. I wasn’t able to stay up thinking and sorting things out as much as I would have liked, but it’s more than I would have gotten done if Ruki stayed; Aimie always wants him to spend the night here. Even though he sleeps in the couch on the living room, she loves it when we’re all here together.
“Momma!” The small voice cried as she ran up and hugged me. I picked her up and spun her around, listening to her rapid giggling in the process.
“Hey, honey, how was your day?” I said while putting my daughter on the ground
She fixed her lacey pink dress and looked up at me, “It was good! Me and daddy painted together and then baked some cookies!”
Ruki looked around the corner of my door and let himself in. He walked over to the kitchen where Aimie and I were standing. I looked at Ruki with a questioning eye, “You two cooked?”
He chuckled. “It was just from a box mix. I think we managed out alright, didn’t we, Aimie?”
She laughed and hugged Ruki’s leg. “Daddy had to read the instructions a few times and almost burned them! He put in the wrong temperature number!”
He rolled his eyes and scruffed the hair on the top of her head.
About five and a half years ago, Ruki and I both had a little bit too much to drink at a party. The ending result was obvious; I had gotten pregnant. But, after much persuasion, Ruki was able to convince me to keep the baby. To this day, I am so glad that he convinced me to keep her - we both love Aimie with all of our hearts. I can honestly say that she is the best thing that has happened to me and to Ruki. We were able to remain friends throughout the entire process, so Aimie sees both of us quite often. Our relationship has never evolved from anything past being platonic, even though we have a child together. I often wondered if he had ever thought of us as a couple, it has been 5 years and neither of us has been in a serious relationship. Even though we were still very close, I wonder if it is only Aimie keeping us together. Usually everything we do together only revolves around her; and it is an odd feeling not knowing if the father of your child actually likes you as a person.
“Hey, Aimie,” I started, “Why don’t you go in your room and play with your dolls for a little bit. I’ll meet you in there in a few minutes, okay?”
She nodded her head and ran over to her room.
“Was she good?” I asked, leading me and Ruki over to the couch.
“Yeah, she was great. Although I feel like she’s a little tired moving between your apartment and mine so much, she always complains about forgetting things.”
“I know Ruki; she’s mentioned it to me too. But considering that neither of us have enough space for a second person to move in, I think that needs to get put off. I really would love for her to have a normal home life, though.”
“Why, has she been asking ‘the question’ again?”
I sighed and nodded my head. “She brought it up the other day.”
Ruki looked me in the eyes and breathed deeply, “Actually, speaking of that, I was wondering if I could ask you something, Claire.”
I always hated it when people said that to me; I need to ask you something. Out of instinct, I assumed the absolute worst and I panic more than I should. Most of the time the resulting answer isn’t as bad as I think it will be, but I would rather not have a panic attack before hearing it. “Go ahead; what do you want to ask?”
“Do you think us seeing other people would affect Aimie? I know she already thinks it is weird that her mom and dad aren’t married, or even in a relationship. But, she is five now, and I feel like she would be able to understand. I mean, it isn’t any weirder than her parents just being friends, right?”
I looked at him in complete shock. I guess my panic before wasn’t really unnecessary, the feeling didn’t go away when he asked the question. Ruki and I never had a relationship even before we had Aimie, but I guess I still thought of it as weird for him to be with anyone else. We obviously cared for each other, but hearing that made me feel like I was being pushed aside. I had never thought of us being a couple before, but hearing that definitely put the thought into my mind.
Ruki continued to speak to fill up the empty space of my response, “I mean, it isn’t like I have met anyone just yet, but I was wondering for future references.”
I still wasn’t exactly sure what to say, but I managed to get something out, thankfully. “You’d have to talk with Aimie about that, I guess. Speaking of her, it’s almost 9:30 and I need to put her to bed. You should probably go.” I didn’t really care if I sounded rude or not, I wanted him out and Aimie to bed so I could lie down and go through things in my head; maybe call Kai up.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
“…and then the prince and the princess lived happily ever after.” I closed Aimie’s favorite story book and pulled the covers up on her more. “Goodnight, dear, I love you.”
As soon as I was about to turn off her light, Aimie started to fidget. “Wait, Mommy,”
“Yes, dear? What is it?”
“Why aren’t you and Daddy like the prince and princess in the story?” There is it again, ‘the question’. “All of my friend’s parent’s live like the people in the stories, and they kiss just like they always do at the end. Why don’t you and daddy kiss?”
I sighed, still a little shooken up about what Ruki brought up earlier. “Well, you see, some moms and dads aren’t meant to be just like the princes and princesses in the stories; if everyone was royalty, who would they rule over? All you need to be sure of is that me and Daddy love and care about you, okay?”
She smiled, but was still dissatisfied with my answer. She asks me the same question every other day because she wants a straight answer; if only I could give myself one.
“Go to sleep, you don’t want to be tired tomorrow morning. I love you.” I kissed her forehead and turned off the lights.
After making sure Aimie was in bed and asleep, I went straight to my room and pulled out my phone. I pushed Kai’s number on speed dial and waited for him to pick up. The phone rang a few times, and then I was taken straight to his voicemail. It was only 10:00, he is usually awake now.
Since Kai was asleep or out somewhere, it was only me and my thoughts for the night. Being stuck with myself isn’t always my most preferable choice, but when it comes down to it, all a person really has is themselves to rely on. I wasn’t able to stay up thinking and sorting things out as much as I would have liked, but it’s more than I would have gotten done if Ruki stayed; Aimie always wants him to spend the night here. Even though he sleeps in the couch on the living room, she loves it when we’re all here together.