The Vow

I bit my lip as I leaned back on the couch, taking a deep breath.

Why everyone in my bridal party had decided to leave me in here alone in the last few hours before I got married was beyond me.

How could they not see how terrified I was?! My nerves were making me a miserable bride. They ate at me from the inside, gnawing relentlessly at my cool exterior.

"Hey Har. Brought you something." My head snapped up at the sound of his voice, the grin I reserved only for my best friend finding it's place on my face.

"Jimbo!" Jimmy was holding a giant glass of wine out to me.

"Had to pull a How I Met Your Mother to snag this son of a bitch. I swear. 'It's for the bride' really does get you everything." Jimmy winked, sitting next to me and throwing his arm carelessly around my shoulders. I took a big long sip of wine, sighing and leaning into Jimmy's embrace.

"I am so fucked Jim." I murmured. "I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean? You go in there, agree to marry that lucky bastard, and then fuck for two weeks in Hawaii." Jimmy said bluntly, like it was the easiest thing in the world.

"Jimmy, I still haven't written my vows! The vows that should have been written weeks ago, and I can't figure out what to say! I'm getting married in three hours Jimmy!"

"Okay, okay. Calm your tits Harley. I'm sure we can figure something out. Finish that glass, I'll go get more alcohol. Let the vow writing party of two begin."
---
"Matty, I really don't wanna go out tonight, babe." I pouted, lifting myself up onto the counter. "I have cramps, and I just don't want to put on clothes."

Matt chuckled, fitting himself in between my legs and leaning his forehead in to touch mine.
"Are you sure?" He asked, smirking. I nodded.

"I really don't feel so hot." I murmured. Matt kissed my nose before backing up.

"As much as I love the idea of you walking around in your intimates, I'm going to have to double check and make sure you really don't want to be wearing clothes right now." Matt chuckled.

"What?" I asked, cocking my head to the right.

"Come on in guys!" Matt called. In came Zacky, Bri, Jimmy and Johnny. I shook my head. It's not like these guys had never seen me without clothes on, but I couldn't figure out what the hell they were doing here.

"What the hell is going on, Matty?" I wondered. Curiosity was taking over all my senses, making me momentarily forget that I was having cramps from hell.

Brian pulled out a video camera and hit record.

"You guys, for the last time, we aren't making a sex tape--" I stopped when Matt grabbed my hands and pulled me off the counter. He then proceeded to grab a box off the counter. He had a smile I'd never seen him with. It was almost fragile. Like he was about to do something that put him in a vulnerable position. Wait--

"Harlow, babe." Matt opened the medium sized compostable food box to reveal a red velvet cupcake. Stuck in the frosting was an engagement ring. I placed a hand over my mouth in shock. "Marry me?" I nodded, laughing and grinning.

"Of course!" I exclaimed. Matt took the ring out of the frosting, licked it clean, then chuckled as he placed it on my finger. Our lips met in a hungry kiss.

"Ahem." Coughed Johnny. "I believe we agreed on you saying 'Will you marry us'." I giggled, pulling away from Matt.

"Of course, when I said yes I meant all of you losers too."

Brian surged forward and shoved the camera in my face. "You just got engaged, how do you feel?"

"I feel awesome! I also feel like I want that fucking cupcake." Laughing out loud, Matt handed me the pastry.

---

"Alright." Jimmy came back with several bottles of various forms of alcohol. "Let's get drunk and write this fool."

1 hour till wedding

"Jesus fucking christ. This shit's hard. I ain't never gettin' married." A slightly drunk Jimmy exclaimed loudly.

"Maybe I should just not write nothing. I'll just wing it." I said. It sounded like a fucking genius plan to me. I was beginning to like it more and more.

"Dude! Yes! How come we didn't think of that before this. You can just speak. Speak from the heart. Ya know Harley? People don't do that enough. You can be like those losers on the online dating sites. Or the crazy bitches on Virgin Diaries."

"Okay Jimbo. Whatever makes you happy." I giggled, putting down my shot of whiskey.

"Hey girl, we're back with-- Ohmygod." I looked up to see an extremely distressed looking MOH. My extremely distressed MOH to be exact.

She paced back and forth in front of me, practically hyperventilating. "Okay. Okaaay." She breathed. "We can work with this. We'll just get her into her dress, and then..."

"Girl, if I can go to work, get groceries, cook, and go out drunk, and can most certainly get married drunk."

So that's what I decided to do.

I'd never seen anyone as nervous as Violet was in that moment, but she didn't say shit. It's my wedding goddamnit, and I will go through with it drunk if I want to.

"Alright angel," Violet sighed, helping me off the couch. "It's time to send you down that isle."

I giggled as she lined me up to walk-- with Brian. My parents had never really been involved in my life, which meant that friends got to play the esteemed role of bride-walker.

"Jesus Har! Did you raid the liquor cabinet or some shit? Holy fuck."

"Jus'a li'l bit." I slurred, showing a bright smile and holding out my pointer and thumb finger to show just how little I meant.

"You're a mess, Harley. I can't believe you let her get drunk! Come on you guys!" Brian chastised.

"Hey, it wasn't us!" Snapped Gena, her normally calm and free-flowing personality turning sharp. "It was fucking Jimmy!"

Brian rolled his eyes, tucking my arm with his. He put his other hand on my upper arm to steady me.
"Easy there Harley babe. We're gonna start walking in a couple of minutes, okay?"

"Of course I'm okay with that!" I scoffed, a little belch leaving my lips. "Oopsies!" I giggled. "I'm marrying the love of my life Bri! That's the best thing ever, ya know?"
Brian nodded, smiling softly.

"We're gonna start now." He whispered, before straightening my veil and readying me at the doors.

The music started playing, but it didn't sound like a wedding march to me. Never the less, Brian kept me slow and steady until I reached the front.

Matt was grinning at me, even when he noticed my stumble, though by that time his smile was less sincere.

Brian leaned my head close to his lips, kissing my forehead.

"Good luck sweatheart." I smiled softly at my friend, letting him hand me over to Matt.

As the preacher started his bit, Matt looked deep into my eyes, rubbing circles on the tops of my hands.

"Harley, are you drunk?" He whispered as quietly as he could.

"Jus' a little." I murmured, trying my hardest to stay near silent.

"Why?" Matt seemed a little peeved, but I guess, I would be too if I was in his position. Luckily I wasn't, because I would hate marrying me. I'm kind of a bitch.

"Dunno. Jimmy'n I thought it'd be fun! Plus, it's gonna help me later!" I let out a quiet giggle, which had the preacher, Father Ramos, eyeing me. I gave him a look that screamed 'Carry on' and he kept going.

"Harlow, I--"

"These two outstanding individuals have decided to not only follow my vows, but also state their own. So after Matthew repeats after me, he will state a deceleration of love to Harlow. And once Harlow repeats after me, she will do the same for Matthew."

My throat suddenly dried up and my hands became clammy. Matt definitely noticed.

"Do you, Matthew Sanders, take Harlow Williams, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do you part?"

Matt smiled at me, temorarily ignoring the fact that I was smashed.

"I do."

"Please state your vow."

"Harley, we have been through so much shit together," Matt chuckled. "I still can't believe you agreed to marry me. It was the happiest day of my life. Every day I spend with you is the best day ever. You make dark times seem brighter. I don't care how stupid it sounds. I love you, Har. I want to be with you until the day I die." I bit my lip, feeling my eyes mist over.

"Harlow--"

"Are you sure you wanna marry me?" I suddenly said. Matt looked taken aback. I heard Jimmy's booming laugh from among the horrified gasps of wedding guests.

"What?" Matt wondered.

"Are you sure you wanna marry me?" I repeated at what I thought was a slower pace.

"Harley, what are you even saying?" Matt looked scared. So scared. Like my drunken state had caused me to give up on him and decided I no longer loved him. I gave him a serious stare down.

“I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need."

Again, the guests seemed amazed, but the guys, and my girls, all seemed totally entertained. I heard Violet giggling nervously, and Johnny chuckling like a mad man. Zacky sat back in his chair, agreeing with my statement in a good-natured way.

Matt let out a burst of laughter himself. I frowned.

"Of course I'm sure!" He rested his hand on my cheek. "I love all those things about you. They're what make you you."

With a reassured grin, I turned to the Father.

"You don't have to finish your sentence. I do. I just wanted to make sure."

Father Ramos rolled his eyes.

"By the power invested in me by this lovely state of California. I now pronounce you husband and wife. Matt, you may kiss your bride."

---

7 years later

We always laugh when we think back about our wedding day.
The wedding video was a friend and family favorite. Even our kids, Evan and Audrey, adore it-- and they're not even old enough to understand quite what is going on.
We've stuck together for better and worse. When I got jealous and pissed at a slutty female fan; When he refused to go dancing with me and I refused to talk to him for a week.
No matter what, Matt was right the day we exchanged 'I do's. He was ready to take on all my crazy.

He had my back when I got mad at our neighbor for yelling at our dog, Lulu.
He was there when I went crazy every day of my pregnancy. Both of them.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is, that whole time I was worried that Matt wouldn't be able to handle me and all my bitchy-bat-shit-crazyness. But I should have been worried about something entirely different.

Does this mean that my "normal" husband is just as bat shit?