These Sleepless Nights

"Baby," he says.

"Hi," I say quietly.

"What's wrong?"

"How was the show?" I ask to avoid answering his question. Five days, five days, five days.

"Don't do this, Beth," he sighs. "Please tell me what's wrong."

I sniffle a bit, a sure sign tears are coming. "I don't want to go to sleep alone." I hug his pillow to my chest and inhale his scent, pretending that it's him, and his voice is with me, not miles away. I want him here to protect me, and keep me safe and warm in his arms. I know that's an impossibility. I clutch the pillow tighter and give up trying to hold back my tears. I put my hand over the receiver to muffle the horrible gasping sounds I make when I cry.

"Are you crying...?"

"No."

"I'm sorry. Only five more days," he reminds me. I've been counting down since the day he left. It's comforting to know he's been counting the days as well.

"I don't want to wait five days," I protest, trying my best not to sound demanding. I'm not sure it's working. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to be his girlfriend, but I never thought it would be this hard. Each time he goes, it only gets harder.

"I don't either," he says. That only makes it worse. The tears are still coming, escaping my eyes in a sudden downpour. I pull the phone away from my face in an attempt to collect myself. "Beth," I hear him say quietly.

"Tony," I reply, bringing the phone back to my ear.

"Beth, baby, please don't cry." I know I'm making him feel guilty. He hates it when I cry. I can't help it. I know this is his job, doing what he loves and I feel terrible for making him resent that.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. Don't be, because this is all my fault and you have nothing to apologize for."

"Tony, come ON," I hear Mike in the background.

"Mike, hold on a minute," Tony replies.

"Go, you can call me later," I insist.

"Okay," he says.

I hate myself so much right now.

"And babe?"

"What?"

"I love you so much. I'll see you soon, I promise," he tells me.

"I love you too."

"I'll talk to you later. Call me if you need me, okay?"

"I will," I promise. That's stupid. I need him NOW. He's dumb to think that talking on the phone will fix anything.

"Alright, love," he says sadly.

"Bye, turtle-butt," I return, sounding equally upset.

I hang up and throw the phone on the floor. I curl up in a ball, finally letting the sobs escape my body. My phone vibrates on the floor, showing that Frenchi is calling. I ignore it.

It stops vibrating. After a few minutes, it vibrates again, this time it's a text.

It says, 'Answer your phone, bitch. I'm coming over, whether you like it or not. xo Frenchi <3'

Fifteen minutes later, she's standing out on my doorstep, ringing the doorbell incessantly. "BETH! Let me iiiiin...!"

"I'm coming," I grumble, getting up and making my way towards the front door. "Hi," I say with a small smile, letting her in.

"You look awful."

"Thanks," I snort.

She pulls me into a hug. "Mike told me to come over. He said he was worried about you."

"I'm fine," I sniffle, wiping my eyes.

"Yeah, obviously," she rolls her eyes.

"Freeeeen-chi. Quit."

"It's alright," she tries to reassure me. She and Mike have been together longer than Tony and I have. She's more used to tour life, and, she's much stronger than I am.

"I need him so badly." I start crying again.

"Shhhh, it's okay. Only five more days," she says, rubbing my back, attempting to comfort me. I nod. I don't know how she handles being without Mike, and if she's upset, she does a pretty good job of hiding it.

"Hey, I brought chocolate," she smiles, pulling a box of expensive chocolate from her bag, as if it solves everything.

"You want me to eat that."

"Come on. It'll make you feel better..."

"Is this what you do every time you miss Mike?"

"Yeah, something like it," she smiles, taking a chocolate from the box and popping it in her mouth. "You can't tell me you don't want any."

"Ugh. Fine," I sigh. "You're trying to fatten me up for winter, aren't you."

She laughs. "Come on, a little chocolate isn't going to hurt you."

"I don't even care." I take three decent-sized chocolates from the box and shove them in my mouth.

She giggles again. "See? It helps."

"You're going to turn me into an emotional overeater," I smile, eating three more.

She takes two and sits down on the couch. "We should watch a movie."

We settle on Mean Girls. I fall asleep about halfway through, and when I wake up, Frenchi's gone. There's a note on the box of chocolates, it says 'Had some "business" to take care of, hope you aren't too upset that I'm gone! xoxo Frenchi - ps, you better finish these.'

I roll my eyes. Maybe later I'll have more.

My phone rings. I scramble to find it, and remember it's still on the floor in the bedroom. I grab it and see that Tony is trying to FaceTime me. Probably to say goodnight.

"Hi," I answer.

"You look terrible," he says sympathetically. At first it feels like an insult, but when I take a second to look at myself, he's right. My eyes are red and they have bags underneath them. My face is swollen, and my hair is a mess.

"I feel terrible. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Bee." There's wind in the background and his voice sounds crackly.

"Where are you guys?" I ask.

"Um, we stopped for food. I had to come outside cause I wasn't getting very good service."

"Oh," I mutter. "What time is it there?"

"Like two-ish."

"You try and get to bed, babe."

"It feels like it's only midnight."

It is only midnight here. He runs on San Diego time, still. Even though he's been on tour for a month and a half. "I'm tired," I yawn. "I want to go to sleep."

"Okay, Bee, you can go to bed." He smiles. "But could you let me in first? It's chilly out here."

"What?!" I gasp in disbelief, as if I've heard it wrong. I must have.

"I'm kinda cold."

"No, what did you say before that?"

"Could you let me in?"

I can't control myself. I start screaming and crying, and I can't move. I'm almost in shock and I still don't believe what Tony just said.

"Please let me in."

I giggle uncontrollably and run to the door. As soon as I have it unlocked, I'm out the door and nearly tackling him with a hug. "Tony baby," I whisper between quick breaths, hyperventilating from the excitement.

"Beth." He picks me up and spins me around, setting me down inside the door. He closes and locks it behind him and hugs me again, this time even tighter.

I stand on my tiptoes so I can kiss him. His lips are soft and warm and his breath is minty, like Tic-Tacs.

"Now you can go to bed safe and warm," he smiles, picking me up. "Come on, let's go tuck you in." He carries me to our room and sets me down on the bed. "Get comfy."

The bed is a mess of Tony's clothes I've been cocooning myself in while I sleep. I shove them onto the floor and do as I'm told. i snuggle into the mattress, and it doesn't seem nearly as big and empty now that Tony is here to fill his place.

He takes off his hat, hoodie, shirt, and pants, and climbs in next to me. "You've been sleeping in my spot, haven't you."

I nod, guilty. "It doesn't feel like home here without you. I wanted to feel as close as possible and that's all I could think of."

"I love you," he says, scooting closer, wrapping his arms around me.

"I love you too," I sigh contently, resting my head on his chest.