Inside Your Heaven

“Lex, you are so sunburned.” I run my fingers lightly over Alex’s shoulders. His response to me is muffled by his face buried in the pillow. After a long pause of no answering, he turns his head to the side.
“Can you put some aloe on it?”
“Yeah, do you remember where we put it?”
“I think you put it in the fridge.” I head for the fridge, and sure enough it’s in there. “Why did you even put it there?”
“So that it’s cold for when you refused to put on sunscreen.” I squeeze the green gel into my hand and gently rub it into Alex’s shoulders.
“Fuck, you are the single smartest person I know.” He relaxes his head back into the pillow. “I regret not wearing sunscreen.”
“And who was right?”
He sighs heavily. “You were.” I flop onto my stomach next to him. “Can I ask you something?” I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling.
He turns his head to the left to look at me and immediately frowns. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” I assure. “Just, we’ve never talked about starting a family maybe more than twice. “
“I don’t think we’ve even talked about it once.”
I shrug. “Do you want to have kids?” I roll onto my side and fold my arm under my head.
“Yeah, someday. I don’t really have a timeline plan, but I definitely wouldn’t mind a little Alex running around.” He winks, and I laugh a little. “Do you?”
I nod. “I wouldn’t mind a little Alex running around either.” I lean forward and press my lips to the tip of his nose. “Or maybe a little Virginia.”
“Or maybe both.” His lips are pulled into a cute little smile.
“Yeah?” He nods, his eyes closing a little probably from the exhaustion of being in the sun all day. I kiss his lips. “I love you, Lex.”
“I love you, too.”

“As awesome as ten days in a tropical paradise was, I’m so happy to be home,” Alex sighs as we exit the plane back into the warm Baltimore air.
“Me, too,” I agree, wrapping my hand around his and heading for our luggage.
I was entirely aware of what would happen when we got home. Alex and I talked about how busy he was going to be with the band now that they’re in touring season. I just wasn’t quite aware how quickly it would occur. It feels like the day we get back, Alex leaves for tour and I head back to TCHS.
It doesn’t even occur to me that a month has passed into the school year, we’ve been married for almost three months, and we don’t talk more than a few times a week. It’s not like we’re struggling; we’re both just so busy.
It finally sinks in as I get home on Friday that I’ve only talked to Alex once this week. I pull out my phone and dial.
It rings a good few times before he picks up. “Hey, babe,” he greets. He sounds tired and stressed.
“Hey. I just thought I’d give you a call. I don’t think we’ve spoken since Tuesday.”
“Shit…I meant to call you last night, but I feel asleep after the show. I’m so sorry, Virginia.”
I laugh. “Lex, don’t worry about it. I think I was asleep by eight last night. One of the counselors quit this week, and all of their kids got thrown onto me.”
“Wow. That’s rough.”
“I mean, it means they trust me to get the job done, right? How was your week?”
“So long. I can’t wait to be home next weekend. We’ve been playing so many shows and going to so many interviews. All people ask me are questions about being married, and I’ve realized that we really haven’t had a chance to truly be married.”
“I know. It’s tough, but we’re tough.”
“You’ve got that right,” he agrees. “I miss you so much, baby.”
“I miss you, too, Lex. I can’t wait to see you.”

He wraps his arms around me tightly. “Fuck, I never want to spend that much time away from you again,” Alex mutters against my neck. I clutch him back. “Only two more months.”
I hum in agreement and bury my face in his chest. We turn to our friends as they collect their luggage off of the carousel. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
Even though it’s only three days together, we spend as much time with all of our friends as possible and stay up all night, just the two of us, left to nothing but our sheets and each other.
Saying goodbye to him is seemingly easier than before. I mean, I’ll get to see him again in two months. It’s kind of scary to me that saying goodbye for such a period of time is easy. I don’t want to get used to living my life without him, and should we have kids, I don’t want our kids to get used to living without him.
“It gets easier every time,” Grace sighs, closing the door after Jack leaves. She drops down on the couch.
“I know what you mean.” I follow her lead and pull my knees up to my chest. “I guess we’re just used to it.” Grace just nods slowly. “You’re worried, aren’t you?”
“About what?” I raise my eyebrows and stare at her knowingly. “What if he cheats on me?”
“You know the guys wouldn’t let him. Lord knows Alex would actually beat the shit out of him.”
“I know, but shit happens.”
“Oh, I know it does, but you two are different than Alex and I. Jack doesn’t exactly have the cheating track record.”
“I know, but he’s still been with a good number of people. He’s definitely had more one night stands than Alex. Take Tay for example. They’re friends, and he up and left in the morning.”
“Yeah, only to end up dating you. That says a lot, Grace. He’s not a relationship man like Rian and Alex. Just him being in a faithful relationship with you, especially for as long as you have been…”
She sighs. “You’re right. I’m just being paranoid.” She reaches for the remote and flips on the TV.

“Mother fucker!” I curse, trying to tug my jeans up my legs. I can’t get them up over my ass, and it’s really pissing me off. “Grace,” I holler.
“What!” she shouts back.
“Can I borrow a pair of jeans?”
Grace walks into the doorway and frowns. “What? You don’t even wear the same size as me. You’re a fucking size three. I’m a seven, and I’m taller than you.”
“Grace, they don’t fit. Am I gaining weight or something?” I walk over to the full body mirror next to the closet door. I examine myself in the mirror, and I don’t think I look any bigger, I’m still working out as much as I normally do, and Alex hasn’t said anything.
“You look normal, but then again I see you every day. It’s probably a question for Alex.”
I scoff. “Like he’d tell me.”
“I’ll grab a pair of jeans.” She disappears from the doorway and returns shortly. “These are my only pair of fives. Try them.” She whips them at me, and I snag them out of the air and tug them onto my body.
“Perfect fit.”
“So what if you went up a pants size?” Grace shrugs and leans against the doorway. “We’re just going to the mall. It’s not like there’s anyone to impress.”
I roll my eyes. “Easy for you to say,” I mumble. “Let’s go before I look in the mirror again.”