The Universe

The universe tastes like dust. Not like that-one-time-you-tried-dirt-as-a-kid, but as if you guzzled down the contents of a vacuum’s storage bag. For the most part it would be as cold as the toilet seat when you have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, but at points you would be stabbed with a sudden onset of heat once you got pieces of stars on your tongue. Those would be the good bits. Planets would add a little crunch and texture here and there;as for asteroids, meteors, and comets, I say have a fun time trying to catch them in your mouth. It wouldn't be a filling meal though, since most of it is empty space. But then again, the universe is constantly expanding, so maybe you couldn't even finish one bite? We now have a conundrum on our hands. And another issue, where do you find spoons (or straws) big enough to eat (or drink, your preference) the universe? When do they go on sale?