It's All About Reputation.

The walk back to my house had been unusually silent between Ray and I. There was no chatting, no arguing about who's hotter between the girls, and no mindless talk about getting laid... Just silence. We reached the gate in my front yard and we muttered a small 'bye' to each other before I walked up the pavement and into my house, avoiding the living room and my mother at all costs. I headed for the stairs quickly but to my despair, Mom heard me come in.

"Jamie? It that you, Sweetie?" She gently shouted from the kitchen. I sighed loudly, stopping in my tracks and walking into the kitchen, head hung low.

"Yeah, I just got home, Mom. And don't call me Jamie! What's up?" I asked, looking up at her with curious eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, only for me to hear a loud cough coming from the living room. "Is.. Someone here?" I asked, turning and walking into the living room. I entered it cautiously, pushing the door open slowly before walking in and spotting him instantly. "..Fuck." I said aloud, not caring that he could hear me. I sighed loudly. "What're you doing here... Uhm.." I raised a hand to my head and pressed it against my face in an attempt to remember his name.

"Alexander. And.. Well.. I thought we could... Talk?" He said quietly. Hm. Alexander, ey? I looked at him sympathetically. It wasn't his fault he was an idiot. So, he'd made out with James Baker and now he thinks we should 'talk'? Nu uh. Not gonna' happen. I sighed, louder than the first time and walked towards Alexander, placing my hand on his shoulder, which was a bit awkward considering I was my fair part shorter than him.

"Listen," I started, looking right at him. "What happened the other night.. It didn't mean anything. It was just some harmless, drunk, fun. Okay? It was cool while it lasted... But I'm not gay. I'm not even anywhere near that side of the scale. I like girls. Lot's of 'em, you know?" I spoke, cockily. Yeah, I liked girls. I liked them, a lot. And hey, the easiest way to let down a gay guy must be warning him off with threats of girls, right? That made sense... Weirdly. To my surprise, Alexander let out a small laugh, removing my hand from his shoulder and smirking at me. I looked up at him, confused.

"Okay, Sugar. So, from what I've been told, you may like girls, but the things you do and say when you're drunk don't point that way. Don't you remember what you told me before you kissed me?" He asked. Cocky motherfucker! I couldn't help it, but I began getting slightly defensive over myself and my sexuality at this point.. As any straight guy would..

"I was drunk. So whatever you say, means nothing to me. I say lots of things when I get drunk. I do lots of things too, and most of the time, I'm pretty sure I'm doing chicks." I said, spitefully. I turned to exit the room, but Alexander grabbed my wrist and kept me there.

"You told me how confused you were about your sexuality." He said.

Someone's been caught.. My head sang.

Silence filled the room now, and he knew he'd hit a sensitive spot, so he continued his attack. "You said that people couldn't choose who they loved and that you'd never been in love, but you'd always found girls creepy and unattractive. You wanted to know what it felt like to kiss a guy... And then you kissed me, Sugar." He finished, winking at me. I pulled my wrist out of his grip and turned to face him, annoyed like fuck.

"I am not confused about my sexuality. Nor do I find girls creepy or what-fucking-ever. I don't care about your bullshit lies or that you're not in love with me or whatever, just get out of my fucking house!" I shouted into his face. He smirked at me and walked around to leave, but stopped closer to me than he was before.

"You also told me you like to dominate people..." Alexander winked, then continued. "My numbers on the coffee table. Call me when you stop being a prick." He whispered, sexually. He tipped my chin upwards slightly and pressed an innocent kiss to my lips and I knew what he was going to do, and I started to panic, and before I even thought about stopping him...

I felt like I'd melted.

My eyes slipped closed and I felt my anger melt away into the kiss. My hands slowly moved to his hips, where he took them and placed them around his neck and I could feel him smirk against my lips. Oh, I get it. So just because I'm shorter, I'm the bitch? Great. I pressed slightly harder into the kiss as I felt his lips leave mine, but it just ended up looking like I was desperate. He pulled away and grinned at me as I desperately tried to hide my embarrassment. "Not gay, my ass. Call me, Princess." He whispered finally before leaving, closing the front door with a small 'click'.

And just like that, I was alone again. My head was a complete mess, I felt so very confused, and now, I was all alone? I ignored my Mom as I left the living room and made my way up to my own room. That was the only place I didn't have to hide myself away in. It was my space. It was private and personal... And at the moment? It needed to be destroyed.

I kicked the door open, closed it and locked it with shaky hands, then kicked it again, denting it. It was dark in my room, and only my lamp illuminated the room slightly, posters and pictures littering the walls and filling them with memories. The first string of tears began to flow down my cheeks and I turned around swiftly, walking over to my window and glaring out, watching Alexander still make his way down my street and turning the corner. He pulled his hood up as a few raindrops began to fall, now matching the tears streaming over my face.

"I fucking hate you." I whispered, not knowing if I was aiming it at Alexander or myself.. Either was possible. I was a fucking freak and he was the one who made me this way. He was to blame. I punched the lamp on my bedside table and it fell to the ground with a sickening crack. Darkness swallowed me as soon as my lamp hit the ground only causing my tears to fall harder.

Why did it have to be me? Why did these feeling come to the guy whose friend's will fucking kill him for feeling this way? I was perfect without all of these fucking emotions screwing me over. I wasn't about to risk everything for him, who would? I will fucking fit in this world if it kills me. I will stand up with my head high and fake it if I need to. If this world wants me this way, that's what they'll get. I didn't need him to ruin everything for me after I'd spent so much time building it all up.

I walked over to my bed and sat down, my head in my hands and my elbows resting on my knees.
"I'll be perfect... I promise I will be." I whispered into the darkness.

'No you won't. Stop pretending... Nobodies perfect, James. Not even you.' The little voice in my head replied.