It's All About Reputation.

My head was still swimming with guilt as Ray and I walked to school together the next morning. I hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night because of the voice in my head and it's opinionated view on how I had handled the Alexander-Ray situation. I regretted introducing them.. I regretted letting Alexander meet me again after school without thinking about the consequences.. I regretted going to that party.. I, shamefully, regretted meeting Alexander. That's an awful thing to say, Jamie. My head whispered, but it was still true. If I hadn't of met Alexander, I wouldn't be on thin ice with Ray... My reputation was currently hanging by a small thread.

"Are you even listening to me, James?" Ray asked, annoyed. I looked up from the floor and noticed we were now passing though the gates into the school grounds and walking up to the building. I shook my head to rid my previous thoughts and focus on what Ray had been saying.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" I asked, now looking at Ray.

"Right, so, what's the actual deal with Alexander? Why was he hanging around and waiting for you?" Ray asked, annoyed but not at me. He seemed more annoyed at the fact Alexander had turned up.

"He's the guy from the party, if you didn't figure already." I said as Ray nodded, prodding me to continue. "He got my number from someone at the party apparently and now he won't leave me alone." I lied to Ray. He seemed to ponder the thought, thinking for a moment before replying to me.

"Well.. I know some guys, that could.. fix your problem if he's causing you trouble... If you get what I mean." Ray asked, slyly. James Baker! Don't you even fucking think about it. Alexander is a nice and gentle guy. You have no business even considering something like that. They'll beat him to a pulp, Jamie! They'll try and kill him! My head screamed. "They could probably punch the gay out of him if they tried." Ray laughed.

"No, I can deal with this on my own. Thanks, though. Only a real friend would look out for me like this." I said, smiling. Ray pulled me into a hug and chuckled lightly before we entered the school. We then walked through the main doors and parted.

"Give him a punch for me!" Ray shouted down the hall before disappearing into a sea of people and familiar faces. Don't count on it, fucker. My head spat, spitefully, causing a smile to fall on my lips as I entered my first classroom.

***

I was half-way through a Math lesson with possibly the most amazing substitute teacher ever, when I had an idea about Alexander. I could get him to hate me! If I managed to make Alexander hate me, I wouldn't have to hurt him by telling him to leave me alone. This could totally work, right? A small smirk fell on my lips as I pulled out my phone and sent Alexander a text.

'What's your address? - James.'

All I had to do was get his address, go over to his house and explain to him that I have a hatred for gay people... He couldn't tell me that I didn't, now could he? He'd just have to accept it. Like you're totally not accepting him? My head spat. "Oh shut up." I whispered. Fine, but when this goes horribly wrong, don't expect me to not say 'I told you so.' My head whispered before I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. My lips twisted in a small smirk once again and I closed my phone, placing it in my pocket and glancing at the clock. Today, all of this shit ends.

Don't count on it. My head spoke.

***

I strode up to Alexander's house quickly and with strength dipping from each of my strides. Apparently, in my mind, walking faster would mean I wouldn't back out of knocking on his door and trying to persuading him that I hated him for who he was... I'm really starting to sound like Ray now, aren't I? My pace didn't stop until I was faced with his shiny, black door. I knocked 3 times and waited patiently for him to open the door, though I looked as though I was about to strike at any second by the continuous shifting of my feet. Well, that, or I looked like a scared 5 year old. The door opened and I was greeted by a smiling Alexander wearing a long sleeved black tee-shirt and the tightest skinny jeans I've ever seen, his raven hair falling infront of his green eyes. He brushed it out of the way before I, regrettably, broke the short silence.

"I don't want to be friend's with you, Alexander... I don't want to be fucking NEAR you. You disgust me. You make me feel sick that I kissed you. You're sexuality is disgusting and probably just a pathetic little phase. Get over yourself and stop fucking with my life. I don't like you. I never have and I never will." I said, quickly and loudly. Alexander's smile faded and quickly turned into a confused expression.

"Uhm.. Excuse me, Jamie?" Alexander asked, completely ignoring everything I had just said. I took in a deep breath and continued.

"Kissing you was a mistake and I wish it had never happened. Gay people are sick in the head." I spat out, trying my hardest to hurt him but as hard as I tried, my words came out weak. Oh, James.. What're you doing? You like him, Honey.. You're making a mistake. He'll see right through you. My head spoke, softly. "Gay people should be.. Kill.. Gay people should be locked up." I stuttered out. Alexander frowned at me and looked upset by my comments. Maybe he didn't see right though me.

"If you really feel that way, Jamie, I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry to hear this, really I am.. And if your feelings change, feel free to come back and tell me." Alexander spoke softly, leaning against the door frame and looking calming into my eyes as he did so. "Hopefully I see you sometime soon and your mind will have changed. Bye, James." He said, turning to close the door on me and go back inside. He can still see though you, Jamie. He knows you like him. Just accept it...

"You're a stupid, pathetic faggot." I spat out, viciously. Alexander stopped, turned and faced me, furious. I swallowed a lump in my throat before Alexander suddenly grabbed me by the front of my shirt and dragged me to the side of his house, shoving me against the wall and lifting me slightly by the same part of my shirt. He pinned me against the wall and my breathing becoming fast and laboured as Alexander's face inched closer to mine.

"Don't you ever call me that disgusting fucking word again. Just because you're a fucking power-hungry, confused teenager, it gives you no right to be walking around like you own the place. In the real world, outside of school, you'll get fucking eaten up if you don't know your place, Kid. Now, I get that you may be 'confused' or what-fucking-ever but don't take it out on me. All I've ever been is nice to you and you think you can blame all of your problems on me? Are fucking kidding me! Figure yourself out without your so called 'friends' making the decisions for you." Alexander shouted in my face, his words like venom echoing in my head. He dropped me to the floor again and took a step away from me, looking straight at me. I avoided eye contact.

"I'm not confused." I whispered, still in shock. My head hung low.

"Oh really? What are you then?" Alexander asked. He still sounded pissed as hell and his violent voice caused tears to prick behind my eyes.

"I'm.. I'm straight." I whispered, still refusing to look at him. Alexander walked towards me again and I flinched away from him as he raised his hand to touch my face. Our eyes connected.

"Oh really? Prove it... Kiss me." He said more softly this time, raising an eyebrow but not breaking our eye contact. And with that, I inched my face closer to his, excruciatingly slowly. My eyes flickered once from his lips to his eyes before they closed and Alexander closed the gap between our faces, grazing our lips, very lightly together. So lightly it could barely be called a kiss.. and with that reasoning, I pressed my lips to his, harder than Alexander had before, but still very softly. It was this point where I finally accepted it.

You're screwed, you know? My head whispered.

'Yeah, I know.. But I'm okay with it.' I thought to myself, still standing in Alexander's front yard, leaning against Alexander's house. The sun shining not too brightly and the chilled air not too cold for me to find it uncomfortable.. Not that I would of if I hadn't of been so completely overwhelmed with the absolute perfection of this moment.