It's All About Reputation.

Things escalated quickly from that small, delicate kiss.. Not that either of us minded. Oh no. Alexander practically dragged me from my comfortable position, leaning against the outside of his house, and through the front door, closing it quickly (and very loudly) and then dragging me to the sofa in what I'd assumed was the living room. Alexander pushed my chest roughly, causing me to fall back on to the soft fabric. He made quick work of getting on top of me and pulling my arms up above my head, restraining me. He had a devilish look in his eyes as we stared at one another, smirking for a moment before his lips were on mine again and both of our tongues battled for dominance, Alexander's clearly winning. We kissed, quick and hungrily for not as long as I'd of liked before I pushed Alexander away, tugging at his long-sleeved, black shirt until the scratchy fabric was removed. I took this opportunity to unzip and remove my plain black hoodie and throw it on the ground before his lips were on mine again.

"Turn your head, Sugar." Alexander whispered, causing me to shudder and look into his eyes, searching for something, but not quite sure what. Alexander gave me a small smile which quickly twisted into his all too famous smirk, and with that, I did as I was told, turning my head and giving him full access to my neck. Alexander took advantage quickly, attaching his lips to my neck and kissing it in different places lightly until he found a reaction from me at one specific place. "You're so fucking beautiful." He whispered as I let out another shaky breath as he found it again, this time with his tongue and I moved my hands down to touch his bare torso, suddenly wondering what his pale, flawless skin felt like.

As my finger tips made contact with his chest, he took hold of my wrists, tightly and pinned them beside my head, making me laugh lightly and open my eyes, noticing they had fluttered closed at some point. Upon opening my eyes, I noticed Alexander's hands beside my head..

I also noticed the slightly darker coloured marks and indented lines across his wrists and forearms, one particularly dark purple one tracing from his elbow to the beginning of his wrist..

I froze.

Jamie.. You don't think that maybe..?

"Alexander.. Alexander stop." I whispered as he pulled his lips away from my neck and sat back on his heels to look at me. "Wh.. Alex.. Your.. Your arms...?" I whispered to him. I felt tears prick behind my eyes, overwhelmed by the marks and what my head had linked them with.. Alexander sighed loudly, dragging his gaze from mine to the floor and protectively trying to cover his pale but scarred arms.

".. I'm sorry that I'm telling you like this. I should of been smarter and told you before you'd noticed." Alexander said, softly looking into my eyes. I shuffled around so we were sat facing each other on the sofa and Alexander took hold of my hands, his touch almost too soft for me to feel. I nodded, urging him to continue. "When I was 16, after I had recently found myself out, I found an older guy who.. well.. He liked me the same way that I liked him. His name was Tom. We would meet up a lot, hold hands, sometimes kiss and he would tell me he loved me." Alexander's eyes flickered up to connect with mine before flicking back down to him arms, tracing a few of the lines.

“We fell in love, or, whatever, I thought it was love, and one night I was over at his place and we were kissing and... and he wanted to take things further.. A lot further than we had before.'' Alexander's voice broke at this. ''I'd only known the guy about a week or so.. So I told him no. But... Well. People don't always listen, Jamie." Alexander whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek.

Oh my God. James... My head whispered.

"You don't have to tell me the rest if you don't want to, Alex..." I whispered, wiping away the single tear and cupping his cheek, pulling his gaze back to mine. Truth be told, I didn't want to hear any more. The story, not only was breaking his heart, but mine also. He sniffled.

"No, no.. I can finish." He said, taking a deep breath and continuing. "After it had happened once, he.. forced me.. to do it again. He would tell me that if I loved him I would do anything for him. Even when I would cry and tell him I did love him he wouldn't stop.. I later found out it was emotional blackmail, at least that's what professionals call it. He'd hurt me and then tell me he loved me. He would take care of me after.. '' Alex explained, looking up at me hopefully and nodding lightly.

''That's what made me think he loved me, Jamie. That's how he knew I'd always come back.. And well, I couldn't handle it any more. It got worse.. Every time I'd refuse he'd call me names and the punches would get harder and just... The word 'Faggot' became a new name for me and one day I couldn't take it any more. That particular day, he'd punched me and split my lip, sending me crashing to the ground. That was the day I'd given up. I went home, took a kitchen knife from the draw and went up to my room, locking the door. I sat in the middle of my room and cried for God knows how long, the kitchen knife sitting in front of me. I had a choice to make.. I could spend the rest of my life being broken and r..." Alexander cringed.

''Raped,''

I could visibly see Alex breaking down, inch by inch as he re-lived each second of the words he was saying. " Or I could end everything and disappear.... I chose the latter." Alexander whispered, his head now hung low. "I wanted to close my eyes and never open them again and.. Well, engraving my problems in my skin was the best solution..." Alexander looked down at his hands in mine. It stayed quiet for a second longer than it should of.

"Who saved you?" I asked in a hushed, calm tone.

"My brother. I'd messed myself up pretty bad. I had traced a couple of the veins in my thighs, ankles and arms, so I was pretty fucked when he found me, but he called an ambulance as soon as he did and they shipped me off to hospital. I didn't wake up for about a week, they said. I didn't remember much either, but I do remember my brother telling me he loved me and I could hear him praying for me one night.. Which was weird because Mikey's never been religious.. He just wanted me back. He said he needed me." Alexander smiled. "When I finally woke up, he was the first to know because he had barely left my room since I'd been in hospital. He cried and then punched me, calling me an idiot for scaring him.”

“They kept me under observations, or 'Suicide watch' as most people call it, for about a week before giving me some meds for depression and shipping me home with these." Alexander said softly, holding up his arms in font of him with his wrists towards me. All of his scars were symmetrical. The two main ones were the dark, bumpy purple scars leading from his elbows to his wrists. The other main ones were the five neat lines across each of his wrists, though they weren't as bad, they were still pretty nasty to look at. He had other horizontal ones littering the top of his forearms near his elbows too... I dreaded to think of what his legs looked like.

Tears pricked my eyes, and Alexander's sad smile caused them to finally fall, as did Alexander's tears. "You're.. You're okay now though, right? Like.. Y-you're not going to d-disappear are you?" I stuttered through tears as he pulled me into a warm embrace. I pressed myself closer into his pale, naked chest. "I need you to be okay for me." I whispered, more to myself than to him.

"I'm fine now, Sugar. I'm still on my meds, but I'm not going anywhere any time soon, okay?" He said, quietly. I didn't respond. "I promise you." He said, kissing the top of my head. He means it, Jamie. He does. Trust him.. Cut him some slack, he's been through a lot. Too much for someone of 19 years old. He was a year younger than you when this happened. Could you imagine it happening to you?

"I'm not going to pretend like I know how you feel.. I never could.. I could never understand someone feeling so badly that they have to.. to c.. to cut themselves to feel better. I couldn't do that. You're so strong, Alex. You're so perfect." I whispered, tilting my head back so I could look up at his face. I placed a soft kiss on his jaw-line.

"Please never lie to me, Jamie. Don't hurt me?" He asked very softly as another tear of his was shed.

You better not hurt him, Jamie.

"I won't. I promise I won't."