One Hundred Sleepless Nights

***Austin's POV***
I can't believe it. I stare, shocked, through Essence's shirt at the cuts that decorate her as the stars do the sky. Fourteen deep, fresh afflictions next to a countless amount of old, pink scars that stand off of her skin. Patterns of a sort, constellations. The sick, tragic beauty of it has me breathless. It shouldn't be beautiful to me, to anyone. There isn't anything beautiful, tragic or not, about self harm. But I can't look away. I'm in awe and shock, wonder and horror.
I feel my stomach lurch as Essence tries to explain, her voice shaking, cracking. She stutters and stumbles over her words, and eventually I break. I dash into the kitchen and collapse to my knees in front of the trash can before gagging. I bend over the trash and throw up, sobbing and heaving. After the contents of my stomach are all now the contents of the trash can, I shakily get up, and wipe away the tears from my face and the puke from my chin. I walk unstably to the living room, and sit where I was before my little episode. Damn. I'm a fucking pussy.
****Essence's POV*****
I hate myself. Well, I already had before, but now I do even more. Vic and Austin have so much pain in their eyes. I've hurt them, a lot. Damnit. I'm a fuck up. I didn't mean to hurt them. I didn't think they'd find out, and even if they did, I didn't think they'd care. I'm worthless already, so who cares? Apparently they do. And they don't even know about what Tony did to me. Well, they have an idea. Oh gosh, what if the band breaks up because of it? No. Oh my fuck. I'm a horrible person. It'd be better if I wasn't here, if I was dead.
I get up quickly, and stutter out, "Uhh. I think I'm going to go lay down." I wipe away the tears that slide down my cheeks, coat my eyelashes, and blur my vision before dashing into one of the bedrooms in Vic's hotel suite. I close the door behind me, and without turning the light on or crawling under the comforter, I collapse into a heap on the bed and curl my knees up to my chest. My breathing ragged, and tears streaming out of my eyes, I think. And think. I just think.
I could get rid of myself, commit suicide. I've tried before, but this time it could work. It would be better for everyone if I was gone. I can't do it now. Vic, Austin, or someone would find me and get me to a hospital. But, if I wait and get a room in this hotel for a night, maybe two, and do it then, once someone found me it'd be too late. Okay, I've got a plan. Now I just need to act normal for the next couple of days, make them the greatest they can be for Vic, Austin, Mike, Jaime, and I. Because these will be my last days with them, with anyone. My last days alive. I shiver with anticipation and excitement. Maybe even with a small amount of fear.
But, how could I be afraid? I've been begging for and awaiting death for the longest time. I've dreaded living; too much pain, disappointment, and brutality. I'm too worthless for life; to live, you need a purpose. I don't have one. I'm just a worthless, ugly, used, fat, scarred, talentless, stupid girl who no one likes, no one needs. I've always wanted to die. My fear about my newly thought of plan is stupid. I'll just forget it.

***Vic's POV***
I try to get myself to stop shaking and panicking, and eventually I succeed. I look at Austin, who's in a complete daze, staring at the now empty space where Essence was sitting about ten minutes ago. "Austin," I say repeatedly, trying to snap him out of it. It doesn't phase him, so I snap loudly and he quickly turns his attention to me.
"Oh sorry," he says quickly before running his hands through his dark brown, almost black, hair, and sighing deeply.
I sigh also, then say, "It's okay bro. I just wanted to let you know that I'm gonna go to bed, since Essence is in there and all. You can crash out here, or in with Mike or Jaime. I would let you sleep in the extra room, since Tony isn't here, but he was staying at his apartment he owns here, not staying in the suite with us, so that's not an option."
He nods, and says, "Thanks. I'll probably crash out here. Goodnight. Tell Essie night for me?" I nod, and go to my room.
I knock softly on the door before opening it slightly. "Can I come in?" I say softly. I hear a muffled mhmm, so I shuffle my way in and close the door behind me. On the bed, Essence is curled up in an uncomfortable-looking ball, tears silently streaming from her eyes. I frown, then go to lay on the bed beside her. I wrap my arm gently around her, being extremely gentle. She's like the most expensive, frail porcelain doll to me. Too much pressure, or hold her wrong, and she'll shatter. You don't want that either, because she's precious. She turns to face me, and I force myself to smile, the result a weak grin. She returns the attempt, the result more convincing from her than me.
She starts shaking, and he whispers, "I'm sorry...I'm disappointing." Her voice sounds so full of self-hatred, and like it hurts her to even speak.
I feel a tear roll down my cheek, and I wipe it away as I say, "No, no, you'll never be disappointing. Never. You're perfect, I promise."
She shakes her head, disagreeing. "I'm not perfect, I'll never be, I'm worthl-." She sobs, preventing her from finishing. I stroke her hair, and pull her close to me.
"You're perfect in my eyes. And that's all that matters," I whisper. I hold her, and hum, trying to calm her. I kiss her head, and continue humming. She calms down a little bit, but not much, and I frown. I just want her to be happy. Her crying picks up, and before I know it she's sobbing once again against my chest. It hurts me to know she's in so much physical and mental pain.
To keep myself from crying and breaking down, I start singing. "She sits up high, surrounded by the sun. One million branches, and she loves every one..." I sing softly, still stroking Essence's soft hair. I keep singing, and I start crying while I sing, "If I were you, I'd put that away. See, you're just wasted and thinking 'bout the past again." I pull Essence's face gently away from my chest and stare deeply into her gorgeous, but saddened eyes, as I sing, "Darling, you'll be okay."
Before I can sing the next word, her lips are pressed softly against mine. I kiss her back, as gentle as I'm holding her. Tears start streaming down my face as we kiss softly and slowly, gentle yet passionate. I can't lose her. Tears stream down her cheeks as well, and our kiss is loving but sad. Passionate, showing we love each other, but gentle, because we're both sad and hurt. Like a last kiss. Like one a soldier leaving home would give his wife. The love and passion is there, but sadness and risk of losing each other is also, making it delicate.
We lay there, kissing each other this way for what seems like forever, until we pull away at the same time. We keep our faces close to each other though, our noses and lips only a breath away from each others. "I love you," she says softly, her lips brushing against mine slightly as she speaks. "I love you too," I reply, before delicately kissing her once more before she shuts her eyes and drifts to sleep in my arms.