Status: Updates whenever I can! Thank you for reading!
Passenger Seat
What do you think happens to a person after they’ve lost a loved one? Of course you’d think that they’ve gone to a great depression and only eat ice cream, sit in front of the television and watch sad, sappy movies, and think about nothing but: ‘We would’ve done so much together but our time has passed, you’re nothing but a memory buried into the ground.’ That would be correct, or you would think that they’ve moved on happily and accept the fact that someone near and dear to them has passed away and they would want nothing for them but happiness and love. That may also be correct.
But you need to help me out here, what if a person is in between those two states? What if a person is happy but has not moved on; not depressed but still thinks that they would’ve done so much with the time that they’ve wasted worrying, panicking, crying and fighting? Because sadly, that’s where I’m in right now. This confusing state wherein I think everything is the universe’s fault for a sad excuse to blame something and I’m not sure how. I’m not sure how the universe had anything to do with his death.
I’m not sure how the universe killed him through the accident. Well, there would be some contributing factors that the universe probably had something to do with and I’ve already thought of some: Of course You (my boyfriend/the driver), Me (the Passenger), The douche-bag asshole (The driver of the opposing car). And the state of the drivers while they were driving: One of the drivers could’ve been intoxicated while they were behind the wheel. Or one of the drivers could’ve had bad eyesight and not have seen properly. Or the driver could’ve been sleepy as hell and fell asleep at the wheel. These are some of the factors that I’ve thought of since two years ago. There are allot more of reasons that I was able to think up but I really don’t think you’d be interested to read all of them.
But out of all the reasons that I was able to conjure up, not one of them had anything to do with the fact that the universe was in the way. Now I’m starting to think that it was his fate to die. I mean everyone dies someday, but I can’t help but ask why that day? Why did it have to be that particular date? He could’ve died five months after or five years after, but why did he have to die on the day we were the happiest?
Probably this ‘God’ my mom has been talking so much about had a reason why he had to leave me. Not technically ‘Leave’ I hate that word, uh, lets say ‘go’. I’m surely he had a reason why he had to go. But unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, I can’t ever seem to find the reason. My reason.
But you need to help me out here, what if a person is in between those two states? What if a person is happy but has not moved on; not depressed but still thinks that they would’ve done so much with the time that they’ve wasted worrying, panicking, crying and fighting? Because sadly, that’s where I’m in right now. This confusing state wherein I think everything is the universe’s fault for a sad excuse to blame something and I’m not sure how. I’m not sure how the universe had anything to do with his death.
I’m not sure how the universe killed him through the accident. Well, there would be some contributing factors that the universe probably had something to do with and I’ve already thought of some: Of course You (my boyfriend/the driver), Me (the Passenger), The douche-bag asshole (The driver of the opposing car). And the state of the drivers while they were driving: One of the drivers could’ve been intoxicated while they were behind the wheel. Or one of the drivers could’ve had bad eyesight and not have seen properly. Or the driver could’ve been sleepy as hell and fell asleep at the wheel. These are some of the factors that I’ve thought of since two years ago. There are allot more of reasons that I was able to think up but I really don’t think you’d be interested to read all of them.
But out of all the reasons that I was able to conjure up, not one of them had anything to do with the fact that the universe was in the way. Now I’m starting to think that it was his fate to die. I mean everyone dies someday, but I can’t help but ask why that day? Why did it have to be that particular date? He could’ve died five months after or five years after, but why did he have to die on the day we were the happiest?
Probably this ‘God’ my mom has been talking so much about had a reason why he had to leave me. Not technically ‘Leave’ I hate that word, uh, lets say ‘go’. I’m surely he had a reason why he had to go. But unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, I can’t ever seem to find the reason. My reason.