The Tale of the Domesticated Lion

December 20, 1986
Front Page News
The Tale Of The Domesticated Lion

There is a reported lion on the loose, he was released in the town of Florissant, 20 miles away from Divide, Colorado. Be on the lookout for an orange colored lion. This is his story.

Billy Bob prowled the open field on the hunt for a mouse to catch, his companion, Kat, was all too good at this game. There was rarely a thing to catch after the grey jaguar had been out. The Savannah had taken a sharp turn right and left the lion in a jungle of trees and bushes. Many animals were heard however, all were hidden from a glance. Billy Bob peered through the trees to find some prey. He searched high and low for a sign of life. Then, saw a sudden flash of orange; maybe an old foe of the sky. Billy crouched to the earth and stalked the movement. Now close enough to pounce, he went for the kill, only to find himself rolling with Justin the Bengal tiger, out to play with a lost brother. The two big cats rolled on the dry ground and chased each other up the trees and catching sap the whole time. They both caked themselves with the dark dirt from the deserted land; both interrupted by the call of their names and the sweet smell of catnip.

Up they pranced into the house; Billy Bob completely oblivious to the clean freak laying in wait for him behind the wooden door.

“Gotcha! Mary, ready to be a lion groomer? Somebody looks as grey as Kat Kat.” Billy Bob was already seeping the stench of horror.

“Okay.” She hesitantly agreed. They got into the bathroom and held the wild lion in the tub. He meowed with the cry of desperation.

“Could we just wipe him down with a rag? We have some leave-in shampoo for the poor kitty cat.” Mary was questioning the mad veterinarian.

“Absolutely not! He's covered in sap, he must be dunked, and dunked again! He brought this on himself, the little dirt ball must reap what he sowed!” With the metal stability of the Doc questionable, Private Mary hesitated to make a reply.

“No mercy!” Denny cried as she threw on the water. Billy Bob cried out to whoever was on the other side of the door, if anyone. A call for help. “Meooowww!” He dragged out his S.O.S.

“Pin it by the neck!” Denny called out. Mary unwilling obliged. “Certain death to him that rebels!” Denny soaked him in warm water and vigorously scrubbed the shampoo into his thick, filthy coat.

“Meooowww!” The ghastly cry lasted, forever imprinted on the minds of both parties. The lion was wiggling about trying to get free from the nurse's iron grip. The Doc dumped water on his head and his back legs kicked up and slashed the arms of both girls. Denny slammed his hips to the bottom of the tub.

“Just let him go!” Mary cried. Severely upset.

“Not yet! Pussy la cat-o still has sap, no mercy on him!” Denny's eyes were filled with compulsive revenge. She soaked him again, just rinsing away the last of the suds when Ken, the lion's sworn enemy, throws open the door and commands, “Let him go!”

The girls instantly let go of Billy Bob as he flew out the door and into the trap of the car. Ken drove the feline twenty miles away, letting the animal loose. Billy Bob was never seen again.