The Nanny Diaries

Today was not going smoothly. It turns out that I ate the last of my noodles yesterday, so I would be heading over to Lou’s starving. When I don’t eat, my stomach usually makes the loudest noises and people give me weird looks.

And while I was scuffling around trying to find something to eat, I spilled the water for my tea all over my top. I was considering changing, but saw that I only had thirty minutes to make it over to Lou’s. I pulled on a navy blazer and ran out my front door, and almost forgot my mobile. I ran down to the entrance to the tube and mentally picked the right one to ride. Lou had texted me her address really early in the morning and it turns out she lives in the rich part of the London suburbs.

I took the tube out as far as I could and I had to walk like, eight blocks the rest of the way. I came up to a pretty large house, but nothing too elaborate. It looked like something Lou would pick out I thought as I made my way up the front steps. I knocked on the door and waited for it to open up.

The door flew open and a tall lad with curly hair and a very sour expression on his face greeted me. I offered him a smile but he just turned around and walked away from the door into the rest of the house. My face immediately went into a frown. Who was this boy? He looked a tad familiar, but nothing I could put my thumb on.

I hesitantly stepped through the threshold and looked around, hoping to spot Lou and end my embarrassment. I checked my phone for the number to see if I had gone to the right door, and I did.

“Hello?” I said uncertainly. I couldn’t even see the boy anymore. It’s like he had disappeared and I was all alone in the house. All of a sudden, a blonde head poked out from the kitchen, I’m assuming. She had a huge grin on her face and I definitely knew that was Lou.

“Tatum, darling! I told Harry to see you inside, did you get lost?” So the lad’s name was Harry. I nodded my head yes, what was I going to tell her? That he just left me there?

“Well, come on in here and meet Lux!” Her head disappeared again and I briskly walked down the hall towards the room she was in. Sure enough, she was holed up in the white kitchen while a toddler was playing with some toys on the floor. I looked around and saw Harry sitting across from Lou with the same sour look.

Lou quickly grabbed me in a tight hug and I swear, she hugged the life out of me. I awkwardly padded her back and she released me and had a smile on her.

“You don’t know how much this helps me, Tatum! Gosh, I could just kiss you,”

“Please don’t,” I chuckled. She let out a little laugh, but Harry let out a loud scoff.

“Oh, where are my manners? Love, this is Harry. You’ll be seein’ a lot of him, I work for him,”

I turned towards Harry and stuck my hand out for him to shake. By this time he was already standing up. He looked at my hand like it was scum, glared at me and just walked out of the room, but not before knocking shoulders with me. Hard.

I looked over at Lou and she looked embarrassed. She gestured to the seat that Harry was just sitting in and I took a seat.

“Sorry about him, darling. He’s a little off put about me getting a nanny for Lux. He wasn’t particularly nice to the one before you either. He’s a bit close with her,” I looked down at the little toddler on the ground and noticed that she was kinda drooling on her clothes and the toys. I held back my grimace and smiled at Lou.

“It’s okay. What band did you say he was in?”

“Oh, it’s a group called One Direction. Have you heard of them?” My jaw dropped open. Have I heard of them? They were practically all over the radios. I can’t believe that chav was in that pop boy band. No wonder he looked familiar.

Finally all the pieces were falling into place. Why we would be traveling all the time, the hotel expenses, and the hair styling for teenage boys.

“Yeah, yeah I’ve heard of them. Not really my type of music,” Lou nodded knowingly. Her attention was diverted when Lux made a cooing sound. Lou bent down and scooped her up in her arms. Lux was the spitting image of Lou in everyway. They had the same eyes, mouth, and hair. Lux seemed to be getting fussy, so Lou started to fix her some formula.

“So, when do you want me to start?” I spoke up.

“Actually, the boys have a shoot in a while, and I was hoping you could stick around and watch Lux for a few hours? I figured that would give ya guys enough time to get used to each other, yeah?” She screwed the top on the bottle and gave it to Lux. Lux immediately shoved it in her mouth and started sucking away.

“Uh, yeah that should be good,” I was a little nervous, but honestly, how bad could it be? Someone cleared their throat from the door and both of our heads snapped over to see whom it was. Harry was standing there with a bored look on his face. He gestured towards the door and Lou checked the time on her watch.

“Oh dear, it seems I have to get going. I left you some directions on how Lux is, like allergies, foods she likes, bedtime, emergency numbers, and stuff like that. If you have any questions, do no hesitate in calling me!” She rattled off all of this while I walked with her and Harry towards the door.

“Good luck!” She shouted just before the door closed. I walked back to the kitchen and saw that Lux was still drinking from her bottle. I kept an eye on her as I grabbed the sheets of paper with all of the directions.

Hello dear!!!!!!

Lux gets very fussy around her nap times. She usually has two: one right around noon and one around five. But she is starting to not want to take the one at noon, so just play it by ear. She always has to sleep with her night-light on and her baby monitor has a camera so you can see if she’s actually sleeping

Lux is allergic to gluten and peanut butter. It’s not deadly, but she will get a red rash that will make her very uncomfortable. And if she eats gluten, she will have very bad gas. Be sure to always watch what she eats, this child gets into everything. But most foods in the house are gluten-free.

Holy hell, how can one child be so much work?

Lux will begin potty training in a few months, but please do tell me about her diaper changes and such to see if she goes during the night. Lux only gets 30 minutes of TV time a day and that time is only to be spent watching Baby Einstein. She loves the show and zones out while watching it. So put her in her bouncy chair, and that way you can do errands around the house.

Lux also has Gymboree every Wednesday afternoon (in the case that we are not traveling) the address is with the emergency numbers. The class is an hour long, so you can leave and get a coffee or something.

Now, to warn you, Lux has many, many, many, bad temper tantrums. It’s best to just let her ride them out and I encourage you to not let her have her way all the time. She needs to know that she’s not the queen bee.

Luxy loves her baths, so be sure to give her one every once in awhile. I’ve already told Tom about ya, he gets home kinda late everyday and I explained you to Lux. She might be a little shy at first, but don’t let it get you down, love. Please call if you have any questions!!

Lou xxxxxxx

Oh. My. God. This is going to be insane. The child had more activities in one week than I had in my whole life. Not to mention a lot of peculiar things about her. I was almost certain I wasn’t that much of a handful when I was this little. I looked down at the lil tyke and noticed that she finally realized that her mum wasn’t around anymore. She frantically looked up at me and I could tell that she was about to freak out.

I crouched down so that we would be at eye level and tried to calm her down.

“Hey Lux! I’m your new nanny! My name is Tatum, I hope we can we great friends,” I gave her a big grin but she just frowned at me. I guess she was in the “stranger danger” phase. I held my arms out and moved forward to pick her up, but she made a little noise and moved away from me.

“Lux! Don’t worry, I’m nice!” Lux responded by throwing her now empty bottle at my feet. I bent down to pick it up and placed it back on the counter.

“Seriously, Lux. It’s my first day, give me a fuckin’ break,” I muttered under my breath. I moved near her again and she moved even farther away. I was running out of tricks. I mean, Jesus, I don’t think I’ve even babysat before. What does every child love? I seriously have no clue. I scanned over Lou’s directions, looking for something, anything that would make Lux warm up to me.

It turns out that I missed a whole back page filled with all of her favorite foods, games, toys, TV channels, movies, stuffed animals, and whatever else babies like, I guess. I just picked the first food off the top of the list and it turns out this little girl is obsessed with gluten-free cheerios. I saw there was a box on top of the fridge and pull it down. They weren’t “real” cheerios, some weird all-natural brand that probably tasted like cardboard. I grabbed some paper towels and poured a whole bunch out for Lux. I cornered the demon and finally picked her up, but not without her pulling my hair and squirming in my grip. I almost dropped the lil shit.

I set her in her highchair and presented her with my grand display of cheerios. Her eyes went wide and she began diggin’ in to the mound of cereal. I hoped that by doing this she would finally warm up to me. I sat across from her and checked the papers to see if I missed anything else.

I looked over the listed of emergency numbers and there were some that looked a little weird to me.

These are the boy’s numbers! They know all about Lux and what she likes. Just call them if I don’t answer or you can shoot them a quick text. You’ll be meeting them soon enough, they’re lovely lads.

Who would have thought that I have all of One Direction’s numbers? I bet I could auction them off and bet loads of money for them. Or just hand them out to mental teenage girls on the street. I bet the boys would have fun with that.

I looked up and Lux had finished all of her cheerios but still was looking at me with a frown on her face. Am I scary looking or something?

“Ugh, c’mon Lux, work with me here!”

“No!” She barked out. I jumped in my seat, I wasn’t expecting her to respond to me.

“I want my mummy!” I saw her lip start to quiver and I prayed to the high heavens that she wouldn’t start crying. I rushed into the living room where I saw a bunch of toys littered all over the floor. I picked up a stuffed animal elephant and ran back in the kitchen. I held it out for her to take and she cautiously looked at it. She quickly grabbed it out of my hands and buried her face in the grey animal.

I checked my watch and saw that Lou had only left about an hour ago. I saw a MacBook lying on the counter with a sticky note attached to the front of it. The note told me that I could use the laptop whenever I wanted and she included the username and password. God, Lou was the coolest person. My phone vibrated from inside my pants and I pulled it out to see a text from Lou.

Love, it was a short shoot, I’m on my way home!

Lux and I just had a staring contest until I heard the front door opening. I scooped her up in my arms, despite her protests and made my way to greet Lou.

When Lou saw us, she starting cooing for Lux. Lux kept shifting in my arms, obviously happy that her mum was home. I handed the toddler off and stood by while Lou showered her with kisses.

“So, how was she?” Lou asked once she was done coddling Lux.

“Um, she doesn’t like me,” I stated bluntly. Lou just started laughing and put Lux on the ground and she ran off to another room.

“She’ll love you, I promise.”

“Well, I hoped she does,” I smiled at Lou and she motioned for me to follow her.

“So I noticed that you don’t have a car. So I arranged for a driver to pick you up and bring you here everyday, but you’ll of course have Sunday off. That way it’s easier for you to run errands without walking a mile to the tube. Is that okay?” She looked honestly worried that I wouldn’t like the idea of having a driver. I was fuckin’ ecstatic!

“Lou, are ya crazy? That’s more than okay. I really appreciate this,” I told her honestly. But really, this job was a dream.

“No, no, you’re helpin’ me out so much, darling. I appreciate you. So the driver will pick you up at seven tomorrow morning, be sure to get a good night’s sleep. Oh and text me your address!” She walked me to the door, kissed me on my cheek and I was on my way to the tube. For once in my life, I was excited about going to work tomorrow.