Status: Story In Progress
We Are Broken
We Are Broken Ch. 1
~1~
It's a hard thing to express. One minute he's there and the next he's gone, forever. We had been together for almost 4 years and were living together in an apartment in Miami Beach. We hardly ever fought and if we did it was over very trivial things like who was going to pick the movie we were going to watch on a Friday night. He was sweet and caring but had a crazy sense of humor and had the tendency to be a smart ass. But that's what I loved about him. He would show his affection for me no matter what he was doing or who he was with. We both shared a love for horror movies, classic rock, and offbeat humor. His name was Adam and I loved him with every fiber of my being.
It's been almost 2 weeks since the crash and not long after that they decided to pull the plug. That crash had left him brain dead, that crash had him leave us too early. Now the only thing left that was keeping him linked to me was the funeral that his mother insisted I helped plan. The whole process left me physically and emotionally drained. Deciding on what the casket looked like and consisted of, the decorations and location of the funeral and things like this that you have to plan. A part of me was glad that it was almost over, that the funeral was finally here. That I would have the chance to say my final goodbye before I locked him and everything he represented in my life away in the back of my mind. As I slipped in the black velvet dress I had picked for this very day, I was thinking about the time we went to the beach one night. That was one of my favorite memories. We had a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant. After our meal we had decided it was too early to just head home so we made a trip down to the beach. The air was warm and relaxing as we drove through the streets of the city. When we arrived he parked the car, got out and walked around to open the door for me. He helped me out and we walked into the sand. We walked for a while and finally found secluded spot to sit and just enjoy the moment. It took a while for my eyes to adjust but as they did it gave the allusion of the sky at early dawn. This light made it possible for me to see only his silhouette, which was a little disappointing because I always loved being able to read his face, a perfect outline of his flawless features. I took a mental photograph of it and saved it for my brain to cherish. As I was looking at him he turned to me, planted a perfect, delicate kiss on my lips and went back to soaking in the fresh scent of the sea air. I laid my head on his shoulder and leaned in close. Without a word we sat together, just enjoying each other's presence and how comfortable we were around one another.
Suddenly, I was sucked back into the harsh reality of what is and it gave me a jolt of anxiety and fear. The pit that I've had in my stomach for days grew and the feeling of dread was more present than ever. I take a deep breath as I tug at my dress to fix how it fit. "I'm ready." I say to myself. I grab my things and leave the apartment. As I get into the car and drive away from the building, things start to feel more real. The thought of me driving there all alone. Being there all alone. Coming back all alone. Going to sleep all alone. To wake up the next morning and not feel his warm body next to me. I take a big gulp of air and suppress the urge to let the tears flow. "If you start now, you'll never stop." I tell myself, and that seems to be enough intensive to snap out of it. The moment I arrive I have a flock of relatives in my face. They all ask the same questions and say the same general remarks.
"We're so sorry this happened to you."
"This must be so hard on you."
"How are you holding up?"
"Do you need anything?"
"If there's anything I can do to help, you let me know."
I just suffer through, smiling, nodding, hugging. It was a lot to handle and the only thing that stopped me from going outside for some fresh air was that the ceremony was about to start. The whole thing was very beautiful and hearing the memories his family members had of him were both heart warming and comforting. Every time a person would come up and speak, they would share the memory and lay a single white rose in his open casket. But when it came around to me, there was great anxiety. There are a lot of memories of him that were cute and amazing but when I really got to thinking about it, the pit in my stomach started to grow again. I stood up and slowly walked up to the podium that sat in front of his open casket. The scene was unbearable. "Keep it together." I demand to myself. I picked the memory I wanted to tell and had it clear in my mind. When I finally worked my way up the few stairs on the side of the stage and took my place behind the podium, the feeling of dread was too much.
I froze. Maybe it was all the grieving faces looking back at me or maybe it was stage fright, but the thing that really sent me over the edge was looking back and seeing his lifeless body just laying there. All of a sudden the tears began to flow and there was no stopping it now. I felt like I couldn't breathe and preceded to start gasping as the tears came, letting out sobs. That was the moment I realized he was really gone. That's when I realized I would never get to get lost in his brilliant green eyes or have his strong arms wrapped around me. Never again hear his voice or I love you. He was gone, and that's all there was to it.
It's a hard thing to express. One minute he's there and the next he's gone, forever. We had been together for almost 4 years and were living together in an apartment in Miami Beach. We hardly ever fought and if we did it was over very trivial things like who was going to pick the movie we were going to watch on a Friday night. He was sweet and caring but had a crazy sense of humor and had the tendency to be a smart ass. But that's what I loved about him. He would show his affection for me no matter what he was doing or who he was with. We both shared a love for horror movies, classic rock, and offbeat humor. His name was Adam and I loved him with every fiber of my being.
It's been almost 2 weeks since the crash and not long after that they decided to pull the plug. That crash had left him brain dead, that crash had him leave us too early. Now the only thing left that was keeping him linked to me was the funeral that his mother insisted I helped plan. The whole process left me physically and emotionally drained. Deciding on what the casket looked like and consisted of, the decorations and location of the funeral and things like this that you have to plan. A part of me was glad that it was almost over, that the funeral was finally here. That I would have the chance to say my final goodbye before I locked him and everything he represented in my life away in the back of my mind. As I slipped in the black velvet dress I had picked for this very day, I was thinking about the time we went to the beach one night. That was one of my favorite memories. We had a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant. After our meal we had decided it was too early to just head home so we made a trip down to the beach. The air was warm and relaxing as we drove through the streets of the city. When we arrived he parked the car, got out and walked around to open the door for me. He helped me out and we walked into the sand. We walked for a while and finally found secluded spot to sit and just enjoy the moment. It took a while for my eyes to adjust but as they did it gave the allusion of the sky at early dawn. This light made it possible for me to see only his silhouette, which was a little disappointing because I always loved being able to read his face, a perfect outline of his flawless features. I took a mental photograph of it and saved it for my brain to cherish. As I was looking at him he turned to me, planted a perfect, delicate kiss on my lips and went back to soaking in the fresh scent of the sea air. I laid my head on his shoulder and leaned in close. Without a word we sat together, just enjoying each other's presence and how comfortable we were around one another.
Suddenly, I was sucked back into the harsh reality of what is and it gave me a jolt of anxiety and fear. The pit that I've had in my stomach for days grew and the feeling of dread was more present than ever. I take a deep breath as I tug at my dress to fix how it fit. "I'm ready." I say to myself. I grab my things and leave the apartment. As I get into the car and drive away from the building, things start to feel more real. The thought of me driving there all alone. Being there all alone. Coming back all alone. Going to sleep all alone. To wake up the next morning and not feel his warm body next to me. I take a big gulp of air and suppress the urge to let the tears flow. "If you start now, you'll never stop." I tell myself, and that seems to be enough intensive to snap out of it. The moment I arrive I have a flock of relatives in my face. They all ask the same questions and say the same general remarks.
"We're so sorry this happened to you."
"This must be so hard on you."
"How are you holding up?"
"Do you need anything?"
"If there's anything I can do to help, you let me know."
I just suffer through, smiling, nodding, hugging. It was a lot to handle and the only thing that stopped me from going outside for some fresh air was that the ceremony was about to start. The whole thing was very beautiful and hearing the memories his family members had of him were both heart warming and comforting. Every time a person would come up and speak, they would share the memory and lay a single white rose in his open casket. But when it came around to me, there was great anxiety. There are a lot of memories of him that were cute and amazing but when I really got to thinking about it, the pit in my stomach started to grow again. I stood up and slowly walked up to the podium that sat in front of his open casket. The scene was unbearable. "Keep it together." I demand to myself. I picked the memory I wanted to tell and had it clear in my mind. When I finally worked my way up the few stairs on the side of the stage and took my place behind the podium, the feeling of dread was too much.
I froze. Maybe it was all the grieving faces looking back at me or maybe it was stage fright, but the thing that really sent me over the edge was looking back and seeing his lifeless body just laying there. All of a sudden the tears began to flow and there was no stopping it now. I felt like I couldn't breathe and preceded to start gasping as the tears came, letting out sobs. That was the moment I realized he was really gone. That's when I realized I would never get to get lost in his brilliant green eyes or have his strong arms wrapped around me. Never again hear his voice or I love you. He was gone, and that's all there was to it.