It's All Lies

One minute I'm crying and the next Alex kisses me. I don't pull away, but I don't kiss back right away. I'm shocked at first, at his actions, but I close my eyes and kiss him back. He tucks my hair behind my ear, placing his hand on my cheek and caressing my head. I grab his wrist and pull his hand away, before pulling away all together.
"Alex, you shouldn't have done that." I said, looking down.
"I like you, Jenna." He says, taking my hand in his. I pull my hand away.
"No, you don't." I knew what this was. "You're just drunk and wanting someone to rebound off of." I stand up, determined to get out of this house. He grabs my arm, but I pull away and leave. I make my way downstairs and head outside. I should be looking for Kara, but I know it's no use. I start to walk home, quietly crying to myself. I take out my phone to see it's only about ten. I put my phone away and sigh, knowing it will be about ten thirty when I reach my house. There was a diner on the way home so I decided I would stop by and eat. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I got there. I sat down in one of the booths and looked over the menu the waiter gave me. I hear the door open and close, wondering who else is crazy enough to come to a diner at ten in the afternoon. I look up to see a skater looking kid, who also looked like he was pretty strong, coming in. He saw me looking at him and smiled at me. I smiled back and he walked over.
"May I sit with you?" He asked. I nodded and he sat in the seat across from mine. "I'm Zack."
"I'm Jenna, and I thought I was the only one crazy enough to come here at ten in the afternoon."
"I was skateboarding and got hungry so I decided to come here. And you? You look a little dressed up for just a casual diner." I sigh.
"I was at a party, and something happened so I decided to leave. My friend who drove me there was wasted so I knew it was pointless trying to find her so I started walking. This was on the way home, and I realized I was starving." Zack nodded and my waiter came over to take our orders. He ordered a regular hamburger and I ordered a hot dog, and we decided to share a thing of fries.
"So Zack," I started.
"Yes?"
"I haven't seen you around, what school do you go to?" To be honest, I was curious about this kid and he was pretty cute.
"I go to Towson. I'm guessing you go to Dulanely?" I nodded. "My friend Rian goes there."
"Rian? Dawson?" I asked.
"Yeah, you know him?"
"Know him? I've known him for years!" I smiled. He smiled back and our food finally came. We spent about another hour there before saying our goodbyes and parting ways. When I got home, I was relieved that my parents haven't come home yet. I went upstairs to my room and changed into sweat pants and a Bink-182 tank before going into the bathroom to wash my face. After I dried my face, I looked in the mirror.
You're horrible. Because of you, Alex and his pretty little girlfriend broke up.
"I know." I say to my own reflection.
Alex was just trying to sleep with you. You're nothing more than a little whore.
"You're right." I open my bathroom draw, pulling out the one thing that's ever been my friend.
And that boy? Zack? He was just being nice. Don't get your hopes up. No one likes you.
Tears are falling from my eyes and I press the razor against my skin. I don't wince at the pain, I simply let out a moan of the bliss feeling taking over.
You're alone.
With every insult I hear, I bring that razor right back. Soon I have cuts all up my forearm. There's blood on the floor of the bathroom and I make a mental note to clean up so my parents don't get suspicious. I grab the rag I always use to clean my arm out from under the sink, wet it and dab at my cuts. I wince in pain now, but keep going. I grab the disinfectant from under the sink and clean my cuts further before wrapping my arm in gauze. I clean the blood from the floor and hide the rag and disinfectant. I go back to my room and slip in under the covers. She's right, I am alone. I'm a horrible person, who no one likes. I start to cry and I curl up into a ball, hugging my knees. When I finally fall asleep, my breathing evens out and I fall into a black world.
~_~_~
On Monday, I wake up, my arm still in a lot of pain. I roll out of bed and go through my normal routine to get ready. I pull out a long sleeved black shirt with a white cross on it, slip on some patterned tights followed by a pair of shorts. I put on my combat boots and go downstairs to make some breakfast. I make a quick meal of Lucky Charms before heading out to school. I pretty much stayed inside all of Sunday and slept the majority of the day and night. When I got to school I was greeted by Rian and Kara.
"Hey, where'd you go on Saturday?" Kara asked.
"Uh, something happened and I decided to get out of there." I said.
"Why didn't you get me?"
"It would have been pointless and you know it." I said poking her.
"Yeah, you're right." She laughed and poked my bad arm. I winced and Rian gave me a questioning look.
"Jenna.." Rian pulled Kara and I behind a tree where no one could see us and he lifted up my sleeve. He gasped when he saw I had the gauze on my arm. "Jenna, you were doing so well." He frowned.
"Why didn't you call me, hun?" Kara asked, giving me a hug.
"You were still at the party, no doubt wasted." I said, looking down. "I'm sorry, guys." Rian joined the hug and stroked my hair.
"It's okay, we're here for you. Why didn't you at least call me? I wasn't at that stupid party."
"I didn't think of it.." I said. He sighed.
"Well, at least you're okay." Kara and Rian held my hands and we walked into the school. When I got to first period, Alex was already there. I sat in my seat behind him and he turned around.
"Jenna, about Saturday.." He started.
"Save it, Alex." I said before putting in my ear buds. He frowned and mouthed 'I'm sorry' before turning around. I put my head down and scolded myself for not giving him a chance considering now he was sober. I always fuck things up.