Kill Me With Words

Andy had to walk quickly in order to avoid being mobbed by fans but he managed to sneak Beth a wink in from behind his black bangs. Beth could feel her knees buckle at the sight of Andy.

"Beth?" Emily nudged Beth's side with her elbow.

Beth broke out of her zoned out mode and noticed the fan standing in front of her with a drawing in one hand and a shy smile across his face. "I drew this for you." He said, offering her the paper.

She took it from him and gazed down at the drawing of her face staring back at her with a big smile. This was how her fans saw her. They didn't see her as broken the way she did. It was amazing to her to see how her fans saw her compared to the way she viewed herself. "This... This is amazing!" She exclaimed and offered the boy a hug.

"Th-Thanks." He stuttered out of nervousness. "I love you." He blurted out.

Beth smiled weakly. "I love you, too."

"BETH! OH MY GOD!" Someone screamed from the line of people waiting to meet the band.

Beth looked up and saw a guy about Marcus's height and build waving at her frantically with a grin wider than she thought his face could handle.

"BETH, I LOVE YOU!" He shouted. "HAVE MY CHILDREN!"

Beth's eyes widened at the comment and the line of fans laughed. Beth glanced over at Spencer who was trying to hide his disgust at the comment while hugging a fan and sending her on to Heidi.

Twenty or so minutes went by and finally the last fan had passed through the line and the band was free.

"Run before more people start showing up." Tony, their merch guy, commented.

Beth grabbed Emily's hand and began pulling her away to the bus. Emily grabbed Marcus's hand and Beth grabbed Spencer's hand on her way past him. The four of them walked hand in hand back to the bus together.

"That signing was... interesting." Spencer said.

"I'll say." Beth agreed.

"Looks like Beth has a fanboy." Marcus teased.

Beth rolled her eyes. "Shut up..."

Marcus held up one hand in defense. "Hey, you're lucky you have a fanboy. I want some crazy bitches crying and fangirling over me."

Emily shot him a look. "Is that so?"

Marcus leaned down to kiss Emily's forehead. "You're still always gonna be my girl."

Beth smiled weakly at the two of them. She wished she could have a relationship like theirs. She'd never met a guy who was so enthralled with her that he was willing to call her "his girl". She'd never met a guy who's sole purpose in a relationship was something other than getting some.

When they got back to the bus, Bryan was sitting on their couch waiting for them to start the interview.

"Bryan!" Beth exclaimed and gave him a hug.

"Hey guys!" Bryan smiled and motioned for them to sit. "You guys ready to start this? I'm excited it's my first interview with you guys. I've been getting a lot of requests to interview you. Your fanbase has been blowing up since your Warped announcement."

Everyone nodded and smiled. Bryan gave his cameraman a small nod to let him know he was ready to start.

"Alright: 3, 2, 1; What's up you guys? It's Bryan Stars and I'm here with Maiden Voyage! How are you guys doing today?" Bryan began.

"Pretty good." Marcus spoke and everyone nodded.

"Pretty good? Well, that's good. So, you guys are a new band on tour this year. What has your experience been like so far?" Bryan asked.

"Amazing." Beth answered. "We've had the chance to meet so many amazing fans and have been given the opportunity to interact and make life long connections with people in other bands. Our closest friends on tour so far would probably be Black Veil Brides."

"Oh, BVB." Bryan said. "I love those guys." He laughed slightly. "Andy's a character."

Beth nodded. "That he is..." She trailed off.

"Speaking of Andy," Bryan continued. "Rumor has it that things are getting serious between you two? I know there have been pictures posted on tumblr of you two together and numerous amounts of fan fictions have popped up ever since."

"Uh... Um... No, Andy and I are just friends. He's a flirt, though, I'll give him that." Beth said, unsure of what to say, really. The truth was she and Andy were just friends. Heidi was the one who was sucking him off every night.

"I see there's only four of you. Heidi's not here?" Bryan observed.

"Oh, yeah." Marcus answered. "She's busy, if you know what I mean." Marcus put his fist up near his mouth and used his tongue to push his cheek out.

Bryan laughed and Emily smacked his arm. "Marcus!"

"It's probably true." Marcus shrugged.

Bryan laughed as he put his microphone down to switch papers. He picked the mic back up and looked at his paper. "So, tour. You guys have only been out here for a month. Have you had any crazy fan experiences yet?"

"Well," Spencer said. "I would say what happened today." He motioned to Beth.

Beth smiled, remembering the strange fan moment. "Ha, yeah..." Beth said. "I had a fan today yell out to me that he loved me and wanted me to have his children."

Bryan laughed with the rest of the band. "I've heard crazier but that's pretty intense."

Everyone nodded and Bryan looked back to his papers. "Alright," He transitioned. "I have some fan questions here. Hayley on twitter asks 'What are your opinions on self harm and do you have advice on how to stop?'"

"That always seems to be the hot subject nowadays, huh?" Spencer mentioned.

"Well..." Beth began and took in a deep breath. "I've kept this pretty secret for a while but I had a fan experience today that made me change my mind. A girl today gave me her razors and that made me see that I give my fans strength. But I want them to now that not all of us are as strong as they make us out to be. And none of us are superheroes."

"Beth..." Emily tried to stop her.

"It's okay, Em." Beth assured. She turned back to the ever patiently waiting Bryan. "When I was a teenager, I used to cut, too. I know what it's like to feel as though you have no other way out. I know how it feels to feel nothing at all. And sometimes, I still get triggered. A couple of our shows were canceled on tour because I was in the hospital after having a mental break down. I think I speak for the rest of the band when I say cutting is not the way to solve your problems. My advice to those of you who do is to find other alternatives. I used to hit myself when I got overly frustrated. So, instead, I took up boxing to relieve my stress and frustration. My dad helped me out by hanging up a bag in our basement. Tell your parents. Tell someone. They can help you."

Bryan nodded and motioned for the camera to stop running. "Do you want to take a break?" He offered when he saw the tears forming in the inner corners of Beth's eyes.

Beth nodded quietly and stood up, walking towards the bus door. Emily stood and followed her outside. Beth leaned against the bus with her arms crossed over her chest. She glared up a the clouds in the bright blue sky, envying the fact that they could look so happy yet she still felt full of sadness, pain, and remorse.

"You didn't have to do that." Emily finally spoke.

Beth nodded. "I know... But I had to. That girl, and all of our other fans out there deserve to know that I'm not strong. They deserve to know that what they're doing to themselves is something I've struggled with for much of my life."

"But to announce it in a Bryan Stars interview?" Emily questioned. "Bryan's interviews are supposed to be fun and funny."

"I know." Beth nodded. "But I guarantee you when we go back in there he's going to ask us what our pornstar names would be." Beth laughed.

Emily nodded and smiled. "You're probably right."

Emily looked at Beth. She appeared happy on the outside with her bright, smiling face. She could trick anyone into thinking she was truly happy with everything in her life; everyone except Emily. Emily could see past Beth's fake smiles. Emily knew Beth better than anyone else; even Spencer. She could see that despite this sudden realization, Beth wasn't going to be happy until she found out what was really wrong with her. Music can't solve all your problems, and can't always save you from yourself.