April Fools
Joke
Warm water crashes around my ankles. The tide is rolling in. My feet are sinking into the wet sand, entombed in squishy muck. It’s peaceful here; I dread the moment I have to leave. Leaving means reentering the real world. It means facing the consequences of my joke, and I’m not ready for that yet. I can take the yelling and screaming, but I can’t take the disappointment on their faces. I can’t take the hurt in her eyes. My mind keeps replaying the events of the night and I can’t help but wince.
Maybe I should start from the beginning. I’ve known Hailey my entire life. Our mothers were college roommates and best friends. They couldn’t bear to lose touch with each other, so they became neighbors after graduating. Five years later, I was born with Hailey following a month after. And just like those cliché stories you always see on television, we became best friends – inseparable.
Every year, our parents host a bonfire on the beach. They invite the whole town – all 700 of us. Yeah, we’re on of those towns where everybody knows everybody. You can’t get away with anything here, a fact that was always a pain in my ass growing up. Anyways, this year’s bonfire took place tonight, April first. That’s right, we decided to host a bonfire on April Fools day. Sounds like a prank fest, right? Wrong. I was the only idiot that planned a joke, and man was it brilliant – in theory at least. The idea hit me a few days ago when I overheard my mom talking to Hailey’s. They were gossiping again – I swear that’s all they ever do – when the topic of my relationship with Hailey came up. Those two are dead set on the idea that we are perfect for each other.
It’s been a running joke in our families for years that Hailey and I would grow up, fall in love, and get married. Still, it was weird to hear our mothers talking about it so casually. It hit me then, what better joke than one that’s been in the family for years?
In the days leading up to the bonfire, I went to the jewelers and bought a cheap – and I mean cheap – engagement ring and wrote out my declaration of love. This was going to be the best fake proposal ever. I was officially a genius. The bonfire couldn’t get here fast enough.
Then this morning rolled around. In retrospect, I wish that I had just died in my sleep. It would have been better for everyone that way. But alas, things never work out like that. Instead, I dragged my ass out of bed and began the tedious task of helping my family set up for the party. I was on cooking duty with dad, while the girls did whatever it is that girls do to decorate. The day passed slowly; a blur of flipping burgers and fighting the miserable heat. More than once I was scolded for losing focus, almost burning some burgers.
I planned to pop the question at sunset; an hour after the party had started. It seemed like the most romantic timing. During that first hour of festivities, I was a nervous wreck. The looming proposal felt too real. I couldn’t rid myself of this feeling that I had forgotten something. Nevertheless, I continued on with the plan.
Finding Hailey, I led her to stand directly in front of the ginormous fire. The sun was just grazing the water, scattering pink, red, orange, and even some purple hues across the sky.
“Can I have everyone’s attention please?” I asked. Once everyone was looking, I continued.
“Hailey, we’ve been friends our entire lives. I know things about you that no one else does, and vice versa. Hell, we took baths together! In elementary school I hated you. I thought you had cooties. Thankfully I got over that phase. Then came high school. Something changed in those years. I stopped seeing you as a little sister and started seeing you as the woman you were becoming. And trust me, you were quite the woman. Now we’re about to graduate from college and begin our lives. I don’t know about you, but I can’t picture it without you.” With that I got down on one knee. “Hailey, will you marry me?”
I pulled out the ring and handed it to her. She gave me this glassy eyed stare; it was like she was actually in shock. Man, she’s a better actress than I imagined, I thought.
“Yes.”
Just one syllable and our mothers were going crazy. There was squealing, lots of squealing, and even some tears. Even Hailey took part in the celebration. They reminded me of bunnies, hopping around like they were. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen. After a few minutes I couldn’t take it anymore and started laughing hysterically. I’m pretty sure I sounded like a dying hyena. Cue the blank stares.
“Why are you laughing?” Hailey asked.
That’s when it hit me. I knew what I had forgotten. Hailey had no idea the proposal was fake. She thought it was real.
“April fools,” I said. And then I ran.
Now here I stand, feet encased in muck, guilt slowly eating away at my mind. The moon is shining bright overhead. It’s like a spotlight illuminating me in my shameful glory. I feel like such a douchebag, hurting Hailey like I have. I can still see her face, once so full of happiness, morphing into an expression of hurt and betrayal. The worst part is that I actually do love her; too bad it took royally fucking up my relationship with her to see it. Sighing, I haul my feet out of the sand, awarding my ears with a soft squelch. It’s time to attempt some damage control. April Fools is an awful holiday.
Maybe I should start from the beginning. I’ve known Hailey my entire life. Our mothers were college roommates and best friends. They couldn’t bear to lose touch with each other, so they became neighbors after graduating. Five years later, I was born with Hailey following a month after. And just like those cliché stories you always see on television, we became best friends – inseparable.
Every year, our parents host a bonfire on the beach. They invite the whole town – all 700 of us. Yeah, we’re on of those towns where everybody knows everybody. You can’t get away with anything here, a fact that was always a pain in my ass growing up. Anyways, this year’s bonfire took place tonight, April first. That’s right, we decided to host a bonfire on April Fools day. Sounds like a prank fest, right? Wrong. I was the only idiot that planned a joke, and man was it brilliant – in theory at least. The idea hit me a few days ago when I overheard my mom talking to Hailey’s. They were gossiping again – I swear that’s all they ever do – when the topic of my relationship with Hailey came up. Those two are dead set on the idea that we are perfect for each other.
It’s been a running joke in our families for years that Hailey and I would grow up, fall in love, and get married. Still, it was weird to hear our mothers talking about it so casually. It hit me then, what better joke than one that’s been in the family for years?
In the days leading up to the bonfire, I went to the jewelers and bought a cheap – and I mean cheap – engagement ring and wrote out my declaration of love. This was going to be the best fake proposal ever. I was officially a genius. The bonfire couldn’t get here fast enough.
Then this morning rolled around. In retrospect, I wish that I had just died in my sleep. It would have been better for everyone that way. But alas, things never work out like that. Instead, I dragged my ass out of bed and began the tedious task of helping my family set up for the party. I was on cooking duty with dad, while the girls did whatever it is that girls do to decorate. The day passed slowly; a blur of flipping burgers and fighting the miserable heat. More than once I was scolded for losing focus, almost burning some burgers.
I planned to pop the question at sunset; an hour after the party had started. It seemed like the most romantic timing. During that first hour of festivities, I was a nervous wreck. The looming proposal felt too real. I couldn’t rid myself of this feeling that I had forgotten something. Nevertheless, I continued on with the plan.
Finding Hailey, I led her to stand directly in front of the ginormous fire. The sun was just grazing the water, scattering pink, red, orange, and even some purple hues across the sky.
“Can I have everyone’s attention please?” I asked. Once everyone was looking, I continued.
“Hailey, we’ve been friends our entire lives. I know things about you that no one else does, and vice versa. Hell, we took baths together! In elementary school I hated you. I thought you had cooties. Thankfully I got over that phase. Then came high school. Something changed in those years. I stopped seeing you as a little sister and started seeing you as the woman you were becoming. And trust me, you were quite the woman. Now we’re about to graduate from college and begin our lives. I don’t know about you, but I can’t picture it without you.” With that I got down on one knee. “Hailey, will you marry me?”
I pulled out the ring and handed it to her. She gave me this glassy eyed stare; it was like she was actually in shock. Man, she’s a better actress than I imagined, I thought.
“Yes.”
Just one syllable and our mothers were going crazy. There was squealing, lots of squealing, and even some tears. Even Hailey took part in the celebration. They reminded me of bunnies, hopping around like they were. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen. After a few minutes I couldn’t take it anymore and started laughing hysterically. I’m pretty sure I sounded like a dying hyena. Cue the blank stares.
“Why are you laughing?” Hailey asked.
That’s when it hit me. I knew what I had forgotten. Hailey had no idea the proposal was fake. She thought it was real.
“April fools,” I said. And then I ran.
Now here I stand, feet encased in muck, guilt slowly eating away at my mind. The moon is shining bright overhead. It’s like a spotlight illuminating me in my shameful glory. I feel like such a douchebag, hurting Hailey like I have. I can still see her face, once so full of happiness, morphing into an expression of hurt and betrayal. The worst part is that I actually do love her; too bad it took royally fucking up my relationship with her to see it. Sighing, I haul my feet out of the sand, awarding my ears with a soft squelch. It’s time to attempt some damage control. April Fools is an awful holiday.