Symphonies of the Damned

“Ashley!” Jake called out.
I didn’t answer, twirling the pen between my fingers instead.
“Ashley!”
Raising my head up, I looked at him in response. “What?” I hummed.
“We’re going to get breakfast, do you want to come?”
“I’m not hungry.” I lied.
I just needed some time to think, and I’d rather be left with my thoughts alone than be distracted every five seconds.
“Are you sure?” Jinxx asked, coming up behind Jake.
“I’m sure.” I nodded. “Just bring me something back. All we have is Monster and peanut butter.”
“Don’t touch the peanut butter!” Christian yelled. “Andy will fucking kill you!”
“I know.”
They called out their goodbyes and trailed off the bus, leaving me alone for once. It was nice being surrounded by your best friends, but fucking Christ!
Sometimes, you just needed alone time.
Closing the notebook in front of me, I slid it under the couch. It’s not like I cared if anyone saw it.
There were random doodles and words scribbled down in the margins.
I wasn’t really a writer.
That was Andy’s department, and he practically kept his notebook under lock and key.
Ugh.
Just thinking about Andy made my heart ache.
He was like a perfect little doll, with his paper white skin, cerulean blue eyes, midnight colored hair, and his cherry red lips.
He was the male-version of Snow White if you thought about it.
Andy.
I don’t think he’d ever understand just how much he meant to me; it’s not like anyone really knew.
Jinxx had suspicions that I never actually confirmed.
I had mentioned it to Ronnie once, after promising he’d keep the secret for me. I could trust him, I’m sure.
He was absolutely perfect in my eyes, and I couldn’t help but admire the soft and determined look that radiated from him.
No matter how often someone talked shit about him or Black Veil Brides, he always had a sarcastic comment to return.
He didn’t let anyone get in the way of his success.
After the first album turned ranked on the charts, he was positive this next one would be just as good.
Set the World on Fire had reached a higher spot than the debut, and now he was writing our third studio album.
This was the last tour for STWOF, after this we’d be back to writing and recording for the next album.
Motionless in White was in the midst of writing songs for Infamous, the same with I See Stars and Falling in Reverse.
Everyone was pretty good friends, and this tour was definitely going to be a fucking awesome one.
The first leg was only going to last about three weeks; we were touring a couple large cities in the United Kingdom.
After that, we would have one week off and start the American leg of the Symphonies of the Damned tour.
It was pretty sweet, driving through historic towns across the Atlantic, meeting new fans we didn’t normally play for.
Last night was Manchester, and tonight we’d be playing Bristol.
Standing up, I stretched for a second before finally clambering off the bus. It was getting stuffy inside the boxed room.
Air didn’t circulate very well when the ignition was off.
We were parked in front of an outdoor venue, the stadium rising up to look some sort of modern day coliseum.
The closest tour bus belonged to Falling in Reverse, which I fervently hoped was where Andy had crashed.
Do you know how fucking terrible it would be if we left him in Manchester?!
“Andy?” I called out, knocking on their door.
The handle was unlocked, indicating that someone had left the bus already.
“Andy?”
Stepping up, I could see two bodies pressed up against each other, their lips locked together.
A moan escaped from the thinner form, the deep guttural sound making it obvious to whose it was.
Andy.
Ronnie was pinning him down, biting down on his neck and leaving bruises that matched the one on his own collarbone.
Fuck.
Sprinting away, I stopped to catch my breath once I was on the opposite side of the venue.
This was hell.
It was absolute fucking hell.
Andy had a fucking girlfriend! They’ve been dating for a while now, and he still fucked around with me.
It didn’t matter much, when it seemed like I was his only dirty secret, but this little encounter just shoved a realization in my face.
He didn’t care about me.
It wasn’t me who meant something to him, it was the fucking sex!
If he couldn’t get it from me, he’d get it from the next person with good looks and a pulse.
Fucking hell!
He’s nothing but a man-whore, and it’s something I’d have to accept.
There are plenty of other people out there, there’s bound to be fucking someone whose personality was compatible with mine.
Andy should be dead to me.
He should be fucking meaningless to me, if I was fucking meaningless to him!
Sighing, I started the slow and miserable walk back to my tour bus where I planned on locking myself in the backroom with music and beer.
Fuck everything.
He wasn’t good enough for me; I deserved someone who could respect me as a person and didn’t just use me.
Hell, Juliet deserved someone who wouldn’t cheat on her nightly.
She was so oblivious.
Fuck, she was such a sweet and genuine person who rarely complained when Andy left for tour.
She didn’t deserve a two-faced asshole in her life.
Neither did I.
So why did I want to be with him, if I knew he couldn’t be trusted to stay in a proper relationship?
Kicking off my Vans, I started rifling through the cabinets for something to eat. I couldn’t wait until the rest of the band returned.
There were several cans of energy drinks, and I finally found sandwich bread and the peanut butter.
Might as well, I shrugged.
“Step away from my peanut butter!” Andy shrieked, climbing onto the bus.
He ran towards me, pulling his precious jar out of my grasp.
“Andy!” I yelled in surprise.
“Don’t you fucking dare touch my peanut butter!” he pouted, cradling it. “It’s the only thing I’ll eat on tour!”
“Sorry!” I put my hands up in defense.
He was trying to smooth down the messy knots that made up his hair, his eyes sparkling erratically.
“Andy, where the fuck have you been?” I asked. “It’s almost two.”
“I passed out on Ronnie’s bus.” He shrugged. “I just woke up.”
It was an obvious lie; he was too busy being sucked off by the front man of Falling in Reverse.
“Oh.”
“Is there anything else to eat?” he asked, searching as well. “All I’ve eaten since we left home was peanut butter!”
“That’s because you’re always passed out when we stop somewhere to eat.”
“Whatever.”
He leaned against the wall, eyeing me carefully.
The look was sending chills down my spine, making me think of things I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I could feel his eyes raking me up and down, a satisfactory smile perched on kissable lips.
No.
He was nothing but a lying slut, he didn’t deserve me.
“Ashley…” he purred, accenting the Y at the end. It was seductive, to say the least and I wanted nothing but to kiss him.
“Yeah?”
“I want you…” he growled, stepping up to me. His fingers trailed down my chest, tracing invisible patterns against the dark pattern of my shirt.
“I want you in a different way.” I admitted, not really thinking about it.
Fuck!
“I know.”
“What?”
“I know.” He answered simply, brushing his lips against my forehead. “Ronnie told me, and fuck, I can’t keep my thoughts straight when you look so…sexy.”
He laughed slightly at his own joke, about non-straight thoughts.
“Andy, no.”
I pushed him off, closing the cabinet door above me.
“Come on.” he whispered, twirling a strand of my hair. “If you do love me, you’d be willing right now.”
“Just like every other night before?” I asked, glaring at him. “Andy, fucking no! If you’re going to treat me like I’m nothing, then I’m not going to be an easy fuck for you! You’ve got Ronnie for that. Hell, you have a fucking girlfriend!”
“Don’t be like that.” He continued, leaving kisses down my neck. “You’re something special to me. Ronnie? That was an early morning mistake Love. Juliet? She’s just someone to keep around. There’s something between us Ash, and I want to figure it out.”
His hot breath tickled my neck, leaving me dizzy.
Fuck.
He was so fucking…sexy. I wanted to fuck him, but I had to stand my ground! I wasn’t going to let him win this.
Not this time.
“We can figure this out without sex.” I forced, pushing him off of me.
“I can’t.” Andy breathed, stepping back to me. He started nibbling on my ear lobe, running his hands down my spine.
“Andy!”
“Come on Ashley, let me make love to you.”
His phrasing made me pause; did he mean it? He hadn’t asked for sex, he had asked to make love.
No.
Come on Ashley! This was nothing but a plot to get me into bed, he didn’t love me. Love happened between people who were in love.
Otherwise, it was sex.
“Please?” he begged, blinking his crystal blue eyes.
Fuck, it was adorable.
“Andy…” I sighed, feeling myself giving in.
“I knew you’d see it my way.” He smirked, leaning in to press his lips against mine.
Fuck everything.
My knees gave out as I felt the rising passion behind the kiss. There was something different in this one.
It wasn’t like all of his other drunken, lust-filled kisses, it was in sobriety and full of possible meaning.
Then again, my mind was probably lying to me.
Fuck.
I was in love with him, and I’d do anything to pretend he loved me back.
There was a cold drift, where the skin on my torso was suddenly exposed as he pulled my shirt off of me.
He was only in skinny jeans, making my task easier.
Sighing inwardly, I dragged my nails against his back as he fumbled with the zipper on my jeans, sliding them off.
“Oh, fuck…” Andy groaned, tensing under me.
He pushed me against the wall, leaving kissed down my chest and towards my Outlaw tattoo.
Placing my hand against his The Mortician’s Daughter tattoo, I switched roles and pinned him against the couch.
He seemed to like the control Ronnie had over him, might as well give it a try myself, right?
He moaned softly, searching for my lips.
“That’s right babe.” I smirked, sudden wave of confidence washing over me.
I started kissing his stomach, inching my way downwards.
He whispered my name suggestively; I almost didn’t want to follow through with the plan building in my head.
He wasn’t going to treat me like nothing and get away with it.
There was a battle going on in my head, between giving in and just letting him fuck me like every night.
After all, that was my role.
I wasn’t the one who walked away and left the other confused and heartbroken.
I had to do something.
I felt terrible treating him like this, but he deserved to know what it felt like.
“Ashley, fuck me.” He breathed, arching his back as I bit on his protruding hipbone.
“Sure.”
Smirking, I started palming him through his boxers and felt his hips buckle towards me in a sensual motion.
Abruptly, I stood up and pulled on my skinny jeans back on, followed by a Pink Floyd shirt that belonged to Jake.
“Where are you going?” he asked, lost and dazed.
“To hang out with my other friends.” I answered simply, slipping into my Vans before leaving the bus; phone in hand.
I felt my heart crack a little as I left him behind, catching sight of his falling expression, but I turned my back.
He deserved to know what he put me through.
He deserved to fucking know.