I Don't Want the World to See Me

Clara woke hours before the alarm ever went off. She had left over at Tom’s house the night before, wanting to spend as much time with him as possible before he went to London. She knew their time apart was temporary, that she was going to visit but even still she was insecure, she was afraid.

Tom slept heavily, clutching her tight to him. The night before he had watched her sleep for a while because he couldn’t fall asleep himself, his blood was still pumping due to his conversation with Tony. He was just so irritated at the bloke’s guts to dare say such things to him. He was just glad that Clara wouldn’t see Tony ever again. In truth, Tom wasn’t intimidated by him but knowing that Tony was around and he was going away, made him insecure. He knew Clara would never cheat but he didn’t know what Tony was capable of.

Before falling asleep, he promised himself to make everything right this time and return to her as soon as he could or get a way for her to move to London with him. All he needed was time.

Deciding to set the alarm off, Clara began to gently peck along Tom’s neck, knowing this was a much better way to wake him up.

“Rise and shine.” Clara murmured softly, chuckling when she heard him groan and hold her tighter.

“But I’m sleepy.” Tom whined quietly.

“I told you to sleep earlier.”

“How could I when my pretty girlfriend was in my bed?”

Clara laughed and Tom took the chance to flip them over so he was on top of her “What happened to the alarm?”

“I thought you’d prefer to wake up with my kisses.”

“You know me well.” He smirked, leaning down to kiss her deeply. It was incredible how everything vanished in his head when their lips touched. It was so right and he knew that he had never been this happy before.

Letting her embrace him for a while longer, Tom had to eventually pull away. While he showered, Clara made breakfast for them since she would be driving him to the airport in just a bit. When Tom came back downstairs, he embraced her, gently swayed them. He knew that going to London was happening because it was something he wanted but now, that he had gotten so close and attached to Clara again, it was much more difficult.

They enjoyed breakfast together, Tom keeping Clara as close as he could. As he locked his front door, he was nearly dragging himself to the car. Clara had agreed to drive him and take care of his car while he was gone. They arrived at the airport just in time for the check-in and Clara stuck with Tom while he was in line and then she went with him until as far as they were allowed.

Once security didn’t let her pass, Tom stopped and said he’d stay just a bit longer. He had still a bit before the flight. Watching him fidget his feet a bit awkwardly, Clara smiled softly and leaned up to kiss him.

“I thought you were excited.” Clara said softly, wrapping her slender arms around Tom and he leaned into her for comfort.

“I am divided.” He admitted, resting his chin on the top of her head. All his buzz for London had nearly died by now. Leaving Clara behind, again, was even more painful than the first he did it years ago and he wasn’t sure anymore of what he wanted.

“I’m sorry if I caused you to be divided.” Clara murmured and Tom stroked her head, squeezing her tight to him.

“It’s not your fault darling. I just want two things and they happen to be away from each other.”

“Tom, it’s just a flight away or even four hours by car.” Clara said softly, knowing he was being a bit dramatic “We’ll be fine.”

“I just wish we didn’t have to be apart. I love you so much Clara.”

“As I love you, Tom. Our relationship is strong, we’ll survive this.”

“Do you promise?” Tom asked, pulling back to look into her eyes and he saw how watery they were and then it hit it. This was equally hard for both of them, perhaps even worse for her.

“I promise.”

Her tone was as firm as she could but she was near breaking. She wanted to cry, tell him to think better and stay for a while longer but that would be selfish. Tom’s dream was nearly back into his grasp and she couldn’t be prouder to see him have the strength to return after everything.

Tom’s hands cupped her face and he smiled tenderly at her. Their eyes locked for a minute as he stroked her cheeks and no more words were shared for minutes. He leaned his forehead against hers, there was so much he wanted to say but little that could actually match what he intended. Words weren’t enough to express his love and gratitude towards her.

Hearing the last call for his flight, Clara forced herself to smile.

“You have to go love.” She said softly.

“I’ll call you tonight.” Tom promised.

Clara nodded, nearly whimpering when she felt him pull away. They shared one more kiss before he left and Tom kept glancing at her over his shoulder before he disappeared from her sight. Once he was out, Clara gave herself the freedom to cry.

Wiping her tears, she felt like she was overreacting and she brought herself together before she turned around to return home. As much as she tried to keep it away, Tony’s word just kept pounding and pounding inside her head.

When she came home, she distracted herself with chores. Nana wanted to bring Tom up, ask how their goodbye had been but seeing her granddaughter’s puffy eyes, the woman lost all courage. Clara cooked for both of them, trying to seem normal as she saw with her grandmother but both of them knew that she wasn’t well, she was sad to have him away.

Jenny swung her legs slowly as she shared a seat with Clara in front of the piano. The girl couldn’t help but notice that something was off today about Clara and Tom wasn’t there either. For the last couple of months that he had been joining them on their lessons and Jenny adored his company because, not only did he make Clara laugh, but he also made everything much more fun.

They had been the practicing Peanuts’ theme song for about a month now since it was one of Jenny’s favourite cartoons. Given Clara’s patience, the little girl had managed to learn a few keys but today Clara was hardly asking her to do a thing. For the first time in a while, the piano was comforting to her.

“What is that, Clara?” Jenny said softly, tugging on Clara’s sleeve as a stack of papers on top of the piano called out for her attention.

Clara’s hazel eyes glanced up and she was silent for a moment. She hadn’t told anyone but she had re-started her work on Tom’s piece. He knew nothing of it and Clara wanted to somehow have it finished, to show it to him.

“Something I’m working on.” Clara replied softly, watching Jenny’s curious eyes glance over at her.

“You mean... it’s something you created?”

“Yes.”

“Can I listen to it?” Jenny asked excitedly, totally losing her interest on their current song.

Clara gave her a little smile and nodded.

“It’s not finished but I’d appreciate your opinion. Also, it’s our secret okay?” Clara said softly, getting the music sheets.

“I promise.” Jenny said excitedly, sitting back quietly as Clara started.

Clara had the melody so incorporated into her veins that she didn’t need the music sheet for the most part. She entered her own world as she played, memories of her and Tom flooding her mind.

Nana silently approached the doorway to the kitchen, recognizing the melody almost instantly while Jenny listened intently, her jaw dropping. Clara had never played anything original for her and, despite her age, the girl recognised the talent in it and how beautiful it sounded.

When Clara was finished, Jenny leaned closer and hugged her arm. Embracing as best as she could, Clara glanced at her grandmother and the woman was nearly crying.

“He needs to listen to it.” Nana Jenkins nodded with a proud smile, seeing emotions come across in her granddaughter’s eyes.

“He will. Soon.” Clara promised.

Jenny’s father came over a while later to pick her up and the night went like many others before Tom had returned. Making sure that Nana was alright and in bed, Clara sank in her own bed. Tom hadn’t called yet and she was doing her best not to call, she didn’t want to come across as needy.

Nuzzling her pillow, she tried to relax as she closed her eyes when suddenly her phone went off. She nearly jumped out of bed, in a rush to get the phone and answer it.

“Hello?”

“Clara? Clara, darling, I’m so sorry I took so long to call. My goodness, were you asleep?”

“No, no.” She said softly, sighing with relief as she laid back down “I was just getting ready for bed. Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine Clara. My flight went well and my parents kept me in their company until now. How was your day love?”

Clara told him about Jenny’s progress and Tom smiled proudly, complementing her on her teaching skills. She was a clear natural to him.

“You know, there’s just one thing that isn’t alright.”

“Oh... what is it Tom?” Clara asked softly as she laid down again.

“You not being here. I wish you could see my flat, sleep in my bed with me, wake up with breakfast in bed tomorrow when I woke you up for a change. I wish you were here so I could pamper you, introduce you to everyone and show you London.”

Clara smiled softly “That’s very sweet of you dear. I promise I’d visit, remember? Just focus on your auditions, they’re important.”

“You are important too. I would never have returned if it wasn’t for you.” Tom said softly, sitting on his couch with the fireplace going.

Clara had been on his mind ever since he had last seen her before boarding the plane. He knew he’d miss her but it hadn’t been a day yet and he was already missing her dearly. His parents were excited to hear about their relationship, both of them immediately seeing how good of an influence Clara was on Tom and on him keeping him on the right track of his recovery.

“Oh and I forgot something earlier.”

Clara furrowed her brow.

“You forgot something in your house?” She asked.

“Well... not exactly.” Tom chuckled “I forgot something back at the airport, I didn’t want to see you cry or for you to see me cry so I forgot to tell you something as I had to rush in.”

“What is it darling?”

“I love you.”

Clara’s worries melted as she smiled widely and chuckled quietly against the phone “I love you too,
silly butt.”

Tom laughed “Hey, no name calling!”

“But silly butt is cute.” Clara defended with a playfully whiny noise “Fine, we’ll go back to Tommy.”

“You are the only person allowed to call me Tommy, did you know that?”

“I know and I love you for that and for everything.”

His heart hammered a bit harder inside his chest as she spoke and he sighed.

“I love you more.” He said tenderly.

Clara nuzzled her pillow, curling up on her bed and she made a rash decision.

“I’m booking a flight for next weekend. I’m going over to see you.”

Tom had offered to pay for it a long time ago but Clara knew she could still afford at least a trip to London so she intended to pay for it herself. His excitement was clear right after she announced her decision and he promised to pick her up when she arrived. That made her smile and after chatting for a while longer, they both went to sleep.

Tom was happy that they didn’t have to be physically apart for that long, just a couple of days before he saw her again. On the other hand, Clara grew more and more sure that Tony was wrong. Tom had changed, Tom meant when he said he loved her and she loved him too. Distance was difficult but she was sure they could endure it and their relationship would come out stronger.

Clara was sure. Everything would be alright.