I Don't Want the World to See Me

The next morning Clara woke almost around lunch time. She had a minor headache but she forced herself to stand up anyways. Last night was still too present in her mind and she had bangs under her eyes from crying so heavily. Not only she was worried, she was also terrified of the man she loved. That wasn’t right.

Standing up, she unlocked the door reluctantly. The house was silent but a shiver ran up her spine when she peeked inside of Tom’s room to find it empty. She walked inside to get some clothes as she turned around, he was standing by the door way.

“I made breakfast.” Tom said softly.

Last night was slightly fuzzy to him but seeing Clara’s estate plus not finding her sleeping next to
him, only could mean one thing. He had done something terrible.

“I need to shower.” Clara replied coldly, eyeing him a bit as she took her things and went to the other room.

“Clara...” Tom called softly but she banged the door closed and he went back to the kitchen to wait for her before he ate.

Clara came down about thirty minutes later, taking just her mug with coffee but preferring to stand up instead of sitting with him.

“Love, you should eat.” Tom said quietly, pushing a plate towards her with eggs and bacon.

“I’m not hungry.” Clara replied, keeping away from him as she sipped on her drink.

“You’re... You’re still leaving at 6 right?”

“No. I’m leaving after I finish my coffee.”

“Oh... but why? I thought we were spending the day together.”

Clara sighed and put her mug down.

“Do you think that after last night I can even bear to look at you?” She snapped, turning towards him.

It killed her to yell at him when he looked so broken but she couldn’t take it. Why had he been weak? He had promised that this time would be different and now he had failed them both.

“I want to go home Tom.”

Tom tensed, pushing his plate away as he stood up to approach her.

“I screwed everything up didn’t I?”

“You did.” Clara nodded, stepping away from him.

“Clara, don’t. Don’t pull away from me. I need you.” He said, reaching up to her but she pushed him away.

“Don’t touch me.” She snarled “You promised this would go well, I trusted you and look where we are now. You’re back on drinking and drugs.”

“I am not!” Tom yelled, slamming his hand down on the kitchen counter “It was just a party. Everyone drinks to have fun.”

Clara shook her head “I drank for fun and I had one glass Tom. You had God knows how many and then you took cocaine in front of me. Great progress.”

Tom narrowed his eyes but before he could speak, Clara continued.

“I don’t want to fight with you. It’s your call, your career, your life.” She said “Now excuse me but I’m going home. I hate being here and I don’t want to say anything that I don’t mean. Tom I love you but... I can’t. I just can’t.”

Tom watched his girlfriend go and collect her things. Clara left without another word, leaving the Brit there in his kitchen, tears in his eyes. Clara was right. Clara was always right and Tom was nothing more than a weak. With that thought in mind, he opened a bottle of wine and ditched work. Why did he care anyways? His career wasn’t professing as he wanted. Maybe drinking could make him forget about acting, about Clara and about the fact that he was ruining their relationship.

-----

During the next week, Tom called Clara in a desperate attempt to apologise and tell her that he wanted nothing more than to be with her. She never picked up or returned his calls and so the man got more and more into the bad roads of his addictions, letting his manager introduce him to the wrong people again. Without anyone to truly love him, support him and without anyone to return to, Tom gave up and let himself go. If he couldn’t be with Clara because of his own fault, he didn’t want to face himself.

In the meantime, Clara’s life had spun around almost 360 degrees. The trip back home was calm but when she got to her house, terrible news was waiting for her. Her inbox was filled with messages from both Tony and her neighbours and as Clara listened to them while unpacking, she nearly felt her heart stopping when they mentioned that her grandmother had had some sort of stroke and was in the hospital.

Clara drove to the hospital that same evening and she spent the whole week there. Nana’s stroke had immobilized her from the waist down, though the doctor was hopeful that with physical therapy she could regain a bit of movement on her legs but that was all he could hope for.

“How was your trip to London? You’ve hardly spoken about it.” Nana said softly as Clara sat on her bedside as per usual.

Given her age, Nana was being kept at the hospital for longer than most cases so that they could keep her under surveillance. Clara returned to her job at the café and at teaching, almost unconsciously leaving Tom to the side until now.

“It was bad Nana...” Clara sighed, looking away. She had seen the missed calls but she hadn’t had the heart to call back. She didn’t know what to say. “Tom and I got into a big of a fight.”

“Everyone couple has arguments sweetie. You should call him. He must be worried sick.”

With tears in her eyes, Clara leaned closer to her grandmother.

“He’s back on... on drinking and drugs.” She whispered, her bottom lip quivering “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him or you Nana.” She sobbed, feeling her grandmother touch her face with a gentle expression.

“Clara... Tom is just a bit lost in all that wonder again. He needs your help my dear. At least consider it.”

Clara nodded slowly and spent the rest of the night with her grandmother, leaving when visiting hours were done. As she returned to her house, she was tried to call Tom but he didn’t pick up on either of the numbers she had.

With a sigh, the young woman made herself dinner and received Tony’s visit. Since her return that Tony had approached her again, being her biggest support at the time. They didn’t talk about Tom and Clara was just glad to have company. Tony was always nice and funny.

As she walked the young man to the door, she got a call and her face paled. Nana had had a second stroke.

Tony immediately drove Clara to the hospital and he was there for her when the doctor’s announced that Nana hadn’t made it. Tony tensed as Clara felt limp in his arms while he hugged her close, hearing her cry and beg that someone told her that it wasn’t true.

In London, Tom spent the week working. Unlike what Clara had seen, he made an effort to avoid parties and go back to exercising. The look she had given him upon their departure had stuck in his mind. He could screw up a lot in his life but leaving Clara alone or disappointing her was something that Tom couldn’t live with. Therefore he stopped calling and focused on getting well again before he could go back to her. He belonged to her and he knew what he needed. If he was to succeed, Clara had to be with him in London. She kept him sane, safe and down to Earth. He needed her to come and if she didn’t, then he would stay with her and do something else of his life.

Tom returned to see Clara about a month later and only after much debate. He knew he wouldn’t break this time and he wouldn’t leave without her, without them being together.

Driving up to her house, he was shocked to see the door and windows all open. The several rooms seemed empty or covered in white sheets while the front porch and the garage were stocked with boxes and boxes as if someone was moving out.

“Clara?” Tom called as he climbed up the front step “Clara!”

Tony appeared from the kitchen, walking straight up to Tom.

“What the hell are you doing here mate?” He demanded, stopping Tom from advancing.

“That’s none of your business.” Tom replied, looking into the living room “Where’s Clara? Clara!”

“She doesn’t want to see you.” Tony replied, pushing Tom away and towards the door “You’re not welcome, get out of here. You really have no shame. You let her down again and you dare come back? Clara’s better off without you.”

“I don’t want to get violent with you Tony but I need to see Clara. And she’s better off with who? You? Let me laugh. She did pick me for a reason.”

“You bastard.” Tony snarled, grabbing the collar of Tom’s shirt, ready to punch him when Clara emerged from the second floor.

“Tony, no violence in this house.” She warned, carrying a box.

Tom’s expression turned into bitter shock. She looked totally different. She was dressed all in black and she looked both exhausted and older.

“I’m sorry Clara, he’s not listening to me.”

“Not your fault, he never listens. Please take this to the car and I’ll meet you there.” She said softly, smiling a bit as Tony kissed her cheek before he went, throwing a dirty look at Tom.

“Where are you going?”

“Away to live with one of my uncles for a while.” Clara replied, meeting Tom’s eyes. He looked like himself again but she couldn’t bring herself to be happy. “Why did you come back?”

“For you. I... I’m sorry I took so long and I’m sorry about what happened but I’m here now Clara. I’m here. What happened?”

Clara sighed “You’re too late Tom. Nana passed away and the debts I was left from her hospital stay were too large so I had to sold practically everything.”

“Why didn’t you come to me? Clara, I would have helped.”

“You couldn’t even help yourself!” She snapped, moving back shakingly while trying to hide her hands from Tom’s. “Sorry... I didn’t mean to yell but there’s nothing for you here Tom. Not even for me either. I lost everything. I lost my home, my Nan and you.”

“Clara, I’m right here. I’m so sorry, darling so sorry. Please take me back.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry you wasted your time. You should go back to London because that’s where you belong.” She said, gasping as he leaned in to kiss her deeply.

“I’m not giving up on you.” Tom whispered “I’m going to let you go for now but I’m not giving up. I need to repay you for everything. You saved me Clara and I will make everything better. You’ll see.”

Clara went silent as she quickly left to get into Tony’s car, so he could drive her to her uncle’s home where she would be living.