I Don't Want the World to See Me

The first months into Clara and Tom’s relationship were bliss, not only to them but to the people around him. His family approved highly of her, knowing Clara was just the right girl to keep Tom in the right path and, on the other hand, Nana was more than happy to have him as a part of the family. It was about time.

The only person hurting in the middle of this was Tony. It was torture for him to see Tom pick Clara at the café or just come with her and stay for hours as she played. Their love was obvious to everyone but, even still, Tony couldn’t help but to love her too. She was so perfect in his eyes, all he had ever wanted for a girl and it twisted his stomach to think that she was with someone else and above all men, Tom. He didn’t trust Tom. He feared Tom was just using Clara and he didn’t want her to get hurt in any way, not if he could help it.

Tony sighed as he unfolded his apron, getting ready for another work day. Clara was supposed to come and perform that day but, for once, he wasn’t looking for it. He knew that the smiles she gave him were nothing compared to the smiles she gave Tom but he had to be professional. He had to ignore it.

Stepping outside to start his shift, Tony was surprised to see Clara at the counter.

“You arrived early.” He said softly, going to grab his tray, seeing that she was already having tea to soothe her throat and warm her up given the cold weather outside.

“I woke up early and couldn’t sleep.” Clara replied softly with a little shrug of her shoulders “It’s really calm today.”

She observed Tony as he moved behind the counter, clearly trying to avoid looking into her eyes. Ever since Tom and her had become official, Tony had distanced himself a lot and Clara felt horrible about it. On any normal day, she would probably have gone for a walk or stayed in getting chores done, but she figured that if she went to the café early and alone, perhaps she could talk to Tony.

He was a friend she treasured and she wanted to make sure all of fine, unlike what Tom liked to suggest. They didn’t really speak much about Tony but every time they did, Tom made sure to remind Clara that he was probably nurturing feelings for her but Clara refused to believe Tom. She thought he was just trying to tease or being childish.

It wasn’t possible. Tony knew as well as her that their relationship could never be more than a friendship.

Before she could actually say another word to Tony, the ginger was already heading into the main dining area. With a sigh, the dark haired woman brushed her hair back and returned to sipping on her tea.

While Clara was busy, Tom took the time to sleep in a bit more. These last few months had been a miracle to him. He felt like he had been reborn and all because of Clara. He woke up with a smile every day now. He felt so free, he felt so himself again.

He had slowly regained his sleeping pattern, gotten healthier and started having more hobbies. He also contacted his family more but he kept mostly to himself and to the people around him, no interviews, no auditions. Only his manager knew where he was but he was keeping it a secret.

He would also spend most of his time with Clara. Actually he’d be with her every chance he got. He couldn’t be happier about coming back and having the courage to speak to her, the girl of his dreams. She was even more perfect than what he thought. She loved him, cared for him and she made him happy. He knew their relationship was new, young but he was just so happy that nothing else really mattered. This was home now.

After setting his things in the garden, Tom dedicated a few of his hours to paint. It helped him relax but nothing compared to the rush of the stage. He missed it terribly. He hadn’t admitted it to anyone but he wanted to bring it up to Clara.

Perhaps joining a local theatre would be good for him because he missed acting and he even missed London a little bit, and perhaps even his career. Not the part where it all went down but when everything was going right for him. He had interviews and photoshoots in all places, autographs to sign, photos to take with his fans, lots of scripts and not it was all suddenly gone and he wasn’t sure if that was what he really wanted.

Clara greeted her boss once he walked in and then she sat down to perform her first songs. Tony was surprised not to see Tom there and he couldn’t help but to linger a bit as he listened and observed. Keeping away from her was the ultimate sacrifice for him but he had to do it so he wouldn’t suffer, however, to see her there playing made him feel lucky. He knew that when she played, she went into this little, private world of hers and he wished he was lucky enough to know it.

His shift went by running and he was surprised to see Clara waiting for him in the back when he got out.

“Clara?”

“Hey Tony,” She said softly, standing there a bit awkwardly. This was nothing like her. In any given circumstance she would let it go but she couldn’t just see Tony drift away without saying a word.

“Is something wrong?” Tony asked softly, taking his coat in hand as he faced her.

“I’m not sure.” Clara said softly “You know me well... you know this is nothing like me but... I want to know if I did something wrong. To... To you.”

Tony’s eyes widened “To me? Why would you think so?”

“I just... I feel like you’ve been pushing me away further and further and I have no idea why.” Clara said softly. She was letting her courageous mood take over because, in any other day, she wouldn’t be able to say all of this to Tony.

“Oh Clara,” Tony said softly, smiling warmly as he saw how much she cared for him reflecting in her eyes “It’s nothing. It’s personal, trust me.” Despite wanting to tell her what was bothering him, Tony didn’t have the heart. She was so happy, it would be selfish of him.

“Are you sure? Tony... I’m worried.”

Still smile, the ginger stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her smaller frame. With a heavy sigh, he hugged her, wishing this could mean more but it never could.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” He said, whispering to her, feeling her hug him back.

For a moment, Tony let himself imagine that the hug was loving and not just friendly. He caressed a bit of her hair, keeping her pressed to him just for a bit more. His Clara was never and could never be his. He had lost his chance but he couldn’t just accept his defeat. She could need him at any moment so Tony promised himself to keep a watchful eye. Trusting Tom was out of the picture.



Tom smiled as Clara sat beside him in the park bench under the shade. It was Saturday and a late afternoon. She managed to have no classes and no work so they had spent the whole day together. Gently stroking her legs as they rested on his lap, Tom turned to face her. Clara’s eyes were closed but she was asleep.

“Clara,” He called softly, watching her open her eyes and he smiled once he met a beautiful shade of hazel.

“Yes, Tom?”

“There’s something I want to talk to you about,” He said as she sat up a bit more, listening intently “I have been thinking about this long and hard and I have realised that I miss acting.”

With a gentle smile, Clara grabbed his hand, in an encouraging gesture so he would say more.

“I... I really miss the stage. Not really my career as in the glamour, the fame and all but the roles, the opportunity to do things I love, to do new things as well. To be given amazing scripts and opportunities, I... I really do miss it but I am afraid.”

“What do you fear?”

“My life is so good here, Clara. I don’t want to ruin it. I have never been this happy before.” He said, kissing her hand “And I fear going back to official work, to London, to my old acquaintances... I fear it. I fear losing everything... losing you.”

“Tom,” Clara said softly, leaning closer to him “You’re over-thinking things,” She said softly. “I know you miss acting, it’s your dream and I know you can never be completely happy without it. However that doesn’t mean you have to jump back into your career. I’m sure your manager or publicist or whoever you have working for you is willing to compromise and welcome you in to something small, calmer.”

Tom listened to her attentively as she designed a little plan of how things could go. He found himself smiling before he kissed her deeply.

“You are the best for supporting me,” He said softly “You are okay with me going back to London if all goes well?”

Leaning her forehead against his, Clara sighed “Of course it will be hard to see you leave but Tom, it’s your dream. I love you and I want you to be happy. This time things are different. We are together and we can do keep our relationship.”

“Of course. I would never sacrifice you or our relationship over acting. Never. You’re much more important.” He said seriously, stroking her cheek “Will you sit with me while I make the calls?” He asked softly.

Clara smiled and kissed him deeply “Of course I will.”

Tom’s manager was delighted to hear from him again after months. As a way to keep sane, Tom deleted all e-mails and most of his contacts, wanting to start fresh which his manager agreed to. Clara kept silent as Tom spoke to his manager on speaker, their hands lacing as he felt her right there, supporting him yet again.

After agreeing to meet through Skype in a few days, the call was over. His manager was going to go around, clear all possible scandals and see what auditions he could get for Tom. Once that was cleared, the Brit leaned against his girlfriend.

“That went really well.” She said softly, rubbing his back as he hugged her to him.

“I could never do any of this again without you. You’ve always saved me Clara, specially now and from myself.”

“It’s mutual. You’ve always kept me going. With you, I was never really alone.”

With that he looked up, realizing the power of their words. Clara meant as much as to him as he meant to her and it was clear now and in the open. Unlike years before, if Tom did return to London, he wanted to take Clara with him but he wasn’t going to ask her yet, he wanted to be sure all was really going to happen.

As they said goodbye that night, Clara chuckled as Tom kept pulling her back for another kiss until she playfully pulled back for good just to rush back and peck his lips before she really went home.

She hadn’t told him about her conversation with Tony days ago but she wasn’t feeling relieved at all. She still felt like something was wrong with Tony and that she was to blame for that but she thought it was a matter of time before he returned to his older self.

Getting inside her house, she was silent as she walked upstairs. She knew that, as a good girlfriend and friend, she should be happy for Tom trusting in her and going to chase back his dream, but she was scared.

As she undressed and showered, a million thoughts ran through her mind. What if he got into alcohol again? What if it all failed? What if nobody wanted him for any role? What if he broke up with her or forgot about her again?

Lying in bed, the same questions kept pounding in her brain and she sighed in defeat. She should be more positive. Things never repeated themselves twice. This time, Tom and her were actually dating and it was serious so she had nothing to worry about. With his new motivation and her support, he would be able to go back to his career safety.
Nothing to worry about.