Realize

"So are you admitting this was a date this time?" Pamela asked me, bursting in my room just as I was looking for something to wear.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my damp hair, letting it air dry after my shower. "Yes, this was a date. Does that make you happy?"

She smirked at me. "Yes, it does. Now, when are you going to see him again?"

"I don't know, Pam. I haven't talked to him yet today. I know that he's got plans tonight. So, I don't think it will be tonight."

"Oh, well, what about we go to kareoke night? Denise said she's in. You're off tonight, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that sounds fun. Count me in. I'm gonna get dressed now then we can make lunch, sound good?"

After seeing her nod, I went back to my closet to find something to wear. Once I found something and put it on, I picked up my phone. I was anxious to text James. I didn't know what was making me feel like this. It wasn't like much had changed. Sure, we went on a date or two, but more than that we were still friends. I sighed out loud and flopped on my bed. Grabbing a pillow, I put it over my face and screamed into it.

I didn’t really care as to what I wore, so I just threw on anything I could find and left my room. I walked into the kitchen to see Pamela already whipping up some eggs.

“So, omlettes for lunch?” I asked as I walked to the fridge to grab the orange juice.

“Yeah, I couldn’t think of anything else and wanted to use up what we had left of the green peppers before they went bad.”

I nodded as I poured my glass.

After we had lunch, Denise had come home and we were going over our plans for the night. We were sitting in our living room thinking of which songs we were going to sing that night when my phone went off. I walked over to answer it, leaving Denise and Pamela to continue talking.

Looking at the ID, I saw that it was work. I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath before answering.

“Hello?”

“Hey Rox, it’s Roman. Uhh… I hate to call you in on your day off and all that, but uhh… we kinda need your help.”

“My help with what?” I closed my eyes, already knowing what the answer was going to be.

“Uhhh…”

“Oh, just spit it out Roman.” I huffed. “When do you need me there?”

“4:00. But only til 8:00. I know it’s your day off, but Mark can’t make it in. I’m gonna go home when you get here to sleep for a few hours, then come back and close.”

I couldn’t argue with that. It was a little more money on my pay cheque, plus, I’d still get to go out with the girls. “Okay, I’ll see you at 4:00.”

“Thank you so much, Rox.”

“Yeah, yeah. Remember me in your will, buddy.”

I hung up the phone and walked back into the living room. The girls stopped what they were talking about and looked up at me. It was almost like they could sense something.

“What?” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Who was that on the phone?”

“Are you ditching us for James?”

I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t James. It was Roman. I gotta go into work for couple of hours.”

“What?” Pamela whined.

“But it’s girls night. Can’t you just tell them no?”

“I could use the money, Denise.”

“Oh, that’s right. You’re dating a big time hockey star now.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s got nothing to do with James. It’s only until 8. I’m going in at 4. That gives Roman time to go home and sleep for a bit, so he can close and I can come back out and party with you guys.”

We all shared smiles. I looked up at the time and saw that I had two hours before I had to be in for work. Since I knew it was going to be a long night, I decided to take a nap.

When I woke up, the girls were planning out their outfits. I walked into Denise's room to see clothes flying everywhere. Laughing, I searched for her through the chaos.

"Hey D, you alright in here?"

"Oh yeah, just peachy."

"What are you looking for something special to wear for? Is Frank coming out, too?"

She peeked her head out of her closet. "What do you think?"

Chuckling lightly to myself, I turned to leave her room. "Okay, I'm gonna get ready for work. If you see Pam in the pile of clothes in her room, tell her I said bye." I heard a mumble in response as I walked back into my room.

Walking into work, Roman took his time to look me up and down.

"Geez, got a hot date tonight or something?"

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, I dressed up a little bit more than I normally do for work, but it wasn't over the top or anything.

"No, I'm just going out with the girls after work, that's all."

"Okay, well, I think you can handle this. I'm heading out. See you at 8:00."

I waved as he walked out of the bar.

Halfway through my shift, I received a text. I had my phone in my pocket just in case the plans for tonight fell through. Looking across the bar to see that everyone was quite satisfied, I unlocked my phone. It was James.

What's cooking good lookin'?

I laughed out loud and replied, telling him I was at work. I put the phone back in my pocket as a customer had just walked up to the bar.

Two hours, about three dozen drinks and almost 20 texts from James later, I found myself walking out of work and getting in my car. Pulling up to Bernie's, I parked, and made my way inside to look for my roommates. I found Frank standing by the bar. That could only mean one thing: the girls were dancing. I looked out onto the makeshift and sure enough, there were my roommates dancing to a guy’s off-key version of Luke Bryan’s “Country Girl (Shake it for me).” I walked up to Frank and tapped him on the shoulder. He sent a smile my way and gave me a short hug.

“Hey Rox, how was work?”

“Meh, it was work, y’know? Nothing but booze, drunks, and sports on the tv screens.”

Chuckling as he raised his bottle of beer before tipping it back, he smiled. “I hear ya.”

“So, you buying this round or what?”

“What do I look like, the pimp daddy to you three whores? You’re a working girl, get it yourself.”

Smiling, I tapped the bar, signaling the barkeep to take my order. After getting my drink, I turned around to see Pam and Denise have returned from dancing.

“Hey Rox, you ready to get up there?”

I shook my head at Pam. “Not yet, this is just my first one.”

“Well, too bad, cause we already put your name in. You’re next.”

My eyes widened. “What?! I didn’t even pick out a song.”

“That’s okay. We picked one out for you.” Denise grinned. I wasn’t sure if I was going to like this.

Hearing my name being called from the stage, I rolled my eyes at Pam and Denise and walked up to the microphone. Once the first few chords played, I couldn’t help but laugh. of course they’d pick this song, I thought as I began to sing the words.

I’ve been cheated, been mistreated.
When will I-I be loved?

After the song was over, I got a round of applause from the bar. I stepped off the stage and walked back to my friends, they were all giggling to themselves.

“What’s so funny? Why’d you guys pick that song?”

“You love that song, and you needed to let loose a little bit,” Pam said, sipping her martini.

“Yeah, outside of seeing James,” Denise added.

“Who is this James guy, anyways?” Frank asked with a quizzical look on his face.

“Oh, just Roxy’s new man. He’s a hockey player.” Denise said as she wrapped her arm around Frank’s waist.

I ordered myself a second beer and rolled my eyes. “You guys are being ridiculous, you know that? He’s just a guy.”

“Just a guy that you loooove.” Pamela said, nudging my shoulder.

I huffed and took another chug of my beer. “I’ll be right back.”

I walked over to the “karaoke guy” or whatever he’s called and put my name down with another song. Anything to get them off of my back about James. I was out to have fun with my friends, not think about the gorgeous hockey player that is stuck in my every thought. I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I thought of texting him, but quickly remembered telling him I would talk to him in the morning in the last text we exchanged while I was at work. For the sake of not seeming needy, I put my phone back in my pocket.

“You gonna sing again?” I heard over my shoulder. Turning around, I saw a blonde, blue-eyed mass of man behind me.

“Uh, yeah, I guess so.” I lightly chuckled.

“Pick a good one. You were amazing earlier.” He said, giving me a smile that one would consider slightly creepy.

“Thank you.” I said as I tried to step around him. He put a hand on my arm, stopping me in my tracks. He leaned down and whispered in my ear.

“To answer the songs question, it could be tonight.” I looked up at him with wide eyes and gently moved my arm out of his grasp.

“Um, sorry, I, uh, have a boyfriend.” His hand came down again.

“Yes, you do, and my name is Mark.”

I pulled my arm away again. “No, I don’t think it is.” This time, he didn’t stop me, but I heard him chuckle to himself as I walked away.

“Where did you run off to?” Denise asked me, sipping what I could only guess is her fourth martini.

“I put my name in for another song.”

“Right on, sister friend.” Pamela exclaimed, raising her hand, motioning for a high five. I shrugged my shoulders, ignoring her hand.

“I don’t think I’m going to go up, though.”

“Why not? You’re a hit!”

“There was just this creep that I have a feeling will be front and center and I, don’t really want him there.”

“What creep? Where? I’ll kick his ass.”

“Easy, Frank. It’s no big deal, I’m just gonna, keep my distance from him, that’s all.” I put my hand on his shoulder and gently push him back down into his seat.

“Who was he?”

“I don’t know, Pam. He said his name was Mark, that’s all I know.”

“You should’ve invited James.”

I sighed. “Oh, give it up! I just want a fun night out with my friends, can we not talk about James?”

“But he makes you so happy, and we’re happy that you’re happy.”

It took everything I had to hold back my smile for coming out, but I felt it show on my features.

“Yeah, I guess he does, but he had plans tonight. We’re going to talk tomorrow.”

My name was called from the stage once again. I was debating between fleeing from the bar and having Mark gawking at me while I sing. I looked between the stage and my friends before making a decision. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to the stage. I heard Denise and Pam cat calling as I walked up to the microphone. As the music started, I looked out to the crowd and could feel Mark’s stare.

Up in the morning I'll be your coffee cup
If you drink me down I will fill you up again
And if you don't think that's enough

I'll be the price on the back of the cereal box
And the key that you found that you thought that you lost and
I'll be the why to your because

Because I, I, I am not perfect
But I, I, I, I know I'm worth it
And I, I, I gotta believe there has to be a you
For every girl like me

I was doing the best I could to avoid Mark at all costs, closing my eyes as much as I could through the song. While singing the song, I wasn’t thinking about Mark. I was thinking about James. I felt my eyes open and I sang through a smile. Scanning my eyes through the crowd, my eyes found Pamela. I winked at her and continued to belt out the song.

As I finished, I stepped off the stage and felt a tap on my shoulder. Rolling my eyes, knowing who it was, I turned around.

“How can I help you?”

“I just wanted to say that you can be the whisper to my secret any day.”

Cringing inwardly, I shook my head. “That’s nice, Mark. I’m going to head back over to my friends now.”

“Boyfriend not here tonight?” He, for the umpteenth time tonight, touched my arm, making my skin crawl.

“That’s not any of your business. Have a nice night, Mark.”

I walked away from him, hopefully for the last time and walked back over to my friends. Pam grabbed on my elbow and dragged me to the bathroom.

“Okay, spill it.”

I raised an eyebrow, toying with her. “Why, dear Pamela, what ever could you be talking about?”

“The smirk, Stella. You gave me that smirk and got your groove back. Now, spill.”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “It’s nothing. I was just having a good time. You wanted me to have a good time, didn’t you?”

She nodded. “Yes, yes, I did. I---Oh My GOD! You were thinking about James!”

I slapped a hand over her mouth. “Could you keep your voice down, please? I don’t think the douchebags in Philly heard you.”

“So, I’m right?” she whispered. I nodded slowly.

“Yes, okay? Yes, I was thinking about James. Can you let it go now?”

“Oh, no, I don’t think so, missy. I have been bugging you about this since your first date. You need to come to the realization that you, my dear, have a boyfriend.”

I shook my head. “You’re insane. We’re not official. We’re just hanging out, going on a few dates, and..”

“Talking every day, being all flirty and happy with other.” She put a hand on my arm. “Honey, I haven’t seen you this happy in such a long time.”

I felt a smile creep onto my face. “Okay, can we just agree that, yes James, makes me happy, but he’s not my boyfriend? And please, let’s find something else to talk about tonight.”

Pam took her hand off my arm and wrapped it around my shoulders. “He’s not you boyfriend…yet.” I rolled my eyes. “Right, new topic. So, creeper dude. Still bugging you?”

“YES! Can we leave soon?” She laughed at me as we walked out of the bathroom.

“Let’s see what kind of state Denise is in first.”