Realize

Shortly after waking up, I made my way to my parent’s place to see if my mom needed anything. I could just call her, but I knew that she was probably trying to decorate the house as if it was a 5-year-old’s birthday party. Walking through the front door, sure enough, I was right. Grabbing a streamer that was hanging above my head, I ripped it down with a chuckle.

“Mom!” I called out, hoping she was somewhere close by. I heard footsteps as I walked into the living room and shook my head at the displays throughout the room.

“Roxy! I thought you were going to call.” I turned to see my mom, fully clad in her apron and bandana tied in her hair.

I raised my arms up and twirled around the room. “Well, I had to see what you had done with the place before other people showed up.”

She sighed, putting her hands on her hips. “Roxanne Elizabeth, there isn’t anything wrong with what I’ve, what you call ‘done with the place.’”

I let out a soft chuckle, knowing that she only used my middle name when she was trying to defend herself in the craziest of situations. “Mom, it looks like a birthday for a first grader in here.”

“Oh hush, it does not. Now, take the list and get out of here.” She handed me a piece of paper.

“Okay, okay. I’ll leave. Just one thing, though.” I said as I took the paper from her hands, putting it in my purse.

“Oh, and what’s that?”

“This…” I pointed to all of the decorations hanging up. “All of this has got to go.”

She huffed. “I’ll think about it. My baby boy is coming home, so I want him to be happy.”

I walked over and put a hand on my mom’s shoulder. “Mom, as soon as he steps in that door, he’ll be happy. He’s coming home from a battle zone to see his family. That’s the greatest gift of all. He doesn’t need all of these decorations. Just friendly faces, and well, good food, of course.”

She chuckled. “Don’t worry, I didn’t forget his precious upside-down pineapple cakes. They’re on the list.”

I smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Perfect. Okay, I’m off. Please, get rid of these decorations. I’m begging you.”

“Oh, just go already. You don’t have all day.” She playfully pushed me away.

I began to walk slowly towards the door. Looking up at the clock, I turned around to face her. “Actually, it’s only 9:30, I do have all day.” I laughed as I walked out the door.

I got into my car and drove to the grocery store. As soon as I parked, I pulled the list out of my purse. My eyes almost bulged out of my head. You would think my mom was inviting the whole Army itself over to our house with all the food she wanted me to get. I didn’t make enough money for all of this. So, I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and quickly called my mom.

“Oh jeez, you just left here. I’m taking them down, I promise.”

I laughed out loud. “That’s not why I’m calling. I’m looking at this list. Are you serious? How many people are going to be at this shindig?”

“Just the family. Why?”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, you’ve got 48 hamburgers and 36 hot dogs. I get that Brett went overseas to work with tanks, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to come home and eat like one.”

I heard my mom let out a small chuckle. “Well, fine then. Cut the list in half. I may have been over thinking things a bit.”

“Yeah,” I laughed. “Just a bit. I’ll get this stuff and swing back to the house before going home to get ready, okay?”

“That’s fine. See you soon.”

I re-wrote the list out quickly, making the quantity half of what my mom had originally had, and hopped out of the car. Walking into the grocery store, I grabbed a cart and made my way into the hustle and bustle.

Checking things off the list as I placed them in the cart, I didn’t notice when my cart bumped into something. Looking up, I saw that it wasn’t something, but rather, someone that I bumped into.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry.” The person turned their head to look at me. I couldn’t help but smile. “James. Hey, how’s it going?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Oh, not too much, speed racer.” He smirked. “Just stocking up my fridge, you know, I may be stuck in my house a while.” He pointed to my cart that looked like I was trying to feet a small army full of kids who each had a sweet tooth and the love of barbecued food.

“Today’s the day, huh?”

I nodded with a smile. “Yeah, I’m helping my mom with the food. She figured it was better to get quick food and have it all be fresh.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I can understand her point.”

“Yeah, but can you understand the whole ‘I need to decorate my house like my 5-year-old boy is coming home’ bit? Cause my mom is all about that today.”

He tilted his head back in laughter. “Oh wow, well I guess I shouldn’t be laughing, but that does seem a little extreme.”

I smiled just a little bit bigger. “Yeah, but that’s my mom. Go big or go home.”

“Well, that’s some trait to have.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I guess.” I said, really wanting to get off the topic of my mother’s “traits.”

“Well, I’m gonna head to the ice cream aisle and look at what I shouldn’t eat but probably will.”

I chuckled and was grateful that he changed the subject.

“Hey, treat yourself every once in a while. You deserve it.”

He smiled. “Hey, I know this may be a bit forward, but I was meaning to ask you for your number last time we talked.”

I was a little taken aback, but quickly understood where he was coming from. I nodded.

“Yeah, yes, of course.” I pulled my phone out of my purse. “Here’s my phone, put your number in and you can call or text me anytime you want. I know we could both use it sometimes.”

He smiled broadly at me. “Yeah, you’re exactly right.” He punched his number into my phone and then I heard his phone ring. He picked his phone out of his pocket and wiggled it in front of me. “Saved.”

“Awesome! Okay, I’ll talk to you later, then? I gotta get all of this stuff back to my mom’s soon so I can go home and get ready, just to head back over there.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to you later. Have fun.”

I smiled and waved as I pushed the cart to the checkout. It was a good thing that I had cut my mom’s list in half, as my trunk wouldn’t have been able to fit much more after I put the grocery bags in there.

Once I arrived back at my parents’ place, I got stalled by a locked door. Knocking three times, I began to get irritated. Placing the bags down on the porch beside me, I pulled my phone out of my purse. Quickly dialing the house number, I tapped my foot on the ground, waiting for her to answer.

“Hey, sweetie, I’m sorry. I just got out of the shower.”

“Well, could you come and unlock the door? I’ll leave the groceries on the kitchen counter. I’ve gotta go home and get ready.”

I heard her walk around her room throwing a few things around.

“I’ll be right down. I’m just looking for my housecoat.”

I hung up and waited for her to come to the door. She came to the door looking like a sad, wet dog. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Wow, Mom, you look great.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ha ha. You’re hilarious. Just put the groceries away.”

I nodded, walked in the door and slipped off my shoes. “Is there enough room in the fridge for some of this stuff can’t sit out for too long.”

My mom followed me into the kitchen. She opened the fridge. “How much do you have to put in here?”

Looking down at the bags, I sighed. “Umm, probably about half a shelf full. Got the room?”

“Yepp, just toss it in there.”

I began to pull out the things that need to be refrigerated. “Okay. I’m just going to put this stuff in the fridge then I’ll come back after I shower and get dressed, okay?”

“Yepp.” She came and gave me a small hug and a kiss on the cheek. “See you then, sweetie.”

I smiled and as soon as the fridge was full, I was on my way home.

After showering and making sure that I looked “suitable,” as my mother would say, I made my way out of my apartment. Seeing one of my two roommates and best friends, Pamela, sitting on the couch startled me. She usually worked on Saturdays. I didn’t have time to say much, so I just waved and walked out the door. I made my way back to my mom’s. This time, my mom wasn’t alone. I was greeted at the door by my dad. He immediately enveloped me in a bear hug.

“There’s my little slugger.”

I rolled my eyes. My dad always called me his “slugger.” He looked at me as one of the boys, even through puberty. I pulled away with a smile.

“Hi Dad. How’s it going?”

“Oh, you know, same shit, different day.” I chuckled.

“Yeah, I know what that’s all about.”

“So, that hockey’s not looking to good, huh?”

I rolled my eyes. “Dad, I don’t want to talk about that right now, okay?”

He sighed and nodded. “Okay, slugger. Let’s get you inside to see everyone else.”

I let out a dry chuckle. “You act as though I’m the one who everyone wants to see.”

“Well, you have been away from the family for a while. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Yeah, well tonight’s not the time, Dad, okay? Tonight is about Brett.”

He nodded and tugged lightly on his ever-growing beard. “Okay.”

I walked into the living room, happy that my mom took the decorations down. She left a few up, but it didn’t look nearly as tacky as it did in the morning. I almost reached the kitchen when I felt a tug on the back of my sweater. Turning around and looking down, I saw the smile of my niece, Anna.

“Banana!” I smiled, picking her up in my arms. “How are you? My, you’re getting so big.”

She giggled and dug her head into my shoulder. “I’m good, auntie. Hows you?”

“I’m good. I’m working really hard.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms tighter around my neck. I smiled and made my way, with Anna in my arms into the kitchen. Looking around, I saw the women of my family, who, other than me, my mom and my one aunt, consisted of in-laws. They all greeted me warmly and I handed Anna over to her mother, my middle brother, Paul’s wife, Krista.

“I think she’s a little on the tired side.” I said to Krista. She nodded with a small smile.

“Yeah, I’ll bring her upstairs.”

I began to help the ladies prepare the salads, veggies and fruit. The boys and my dad were out back with the barbecue.

After an hour and a half in the kitchen, Paul ran into the living room.

“He’s on his way.”

For some reason, I felt my heart stop. I had waited for this moment since the moment that Brett left. But a part of me thought that I would never see him again. I was originally asked by Brett’s fiancée Taryn to go with her to the airport and pick him up, but I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. My dad came up with the idea that all of us stay outside, so he could walk through the house.

“Dad, he’ll know something is going on that way,” Paul said. “Someone should be here to greet him at the door, so he doesn’t assume something.”

My dad nodded. “Okay, who’s going to stay inside?”

A lot of eyes turned to me. I shook my head. “I don’t know, you guys. I mean, you all know the relationship Brett and I have.”

“Yeah, but you could just say that you’re here house-sitting.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Why doesn’t mom just stay in here? That way she can keep him out of the kitchen and walk him through the house.”

Everyone seemed to be okay with that idea and all but Mom walked outside, as Paul got the “5 minutes” text from Taryn. I stayed a little further away from everyone else. Sure I was excited to see Brett, but I was terrified of the changes that he could’ve made while over there. I’ve seen it in the news and heard stories of how going to war has changed people, and it wasn’t always for the better. Brett and I had finally got our relationship in a good place before he went overseas. I didn’t want him to change. Change scared the hell out of me.

I heard my mom scream in the house, and I knew that Brett had just walked through the door. No one standing in the backyard could hold back their grins, myself included. It was all catching up with me now. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I furthered myself from the group and found myself leaning up against the shed in the far corner of the backyard.

Then I saw him. My big brother. After 15 months, I see him embrace my father. I can feel the tears rushing down my face. I slowly walked toward the crowd. I didn’t make eye contact with Brett. He was engulfed in a conversation with Paul. I felt someone nudge my elbow. Turning my head, I saw Taryn. I gave her a small smile before she pulled me in a tight hug.

“Oh Roxy! It’s so good to see you.”

I pulled away slightly and smiled. “You too, Taryn. He looks good, huh?”

She nodded brightly, chuckling. “Yeah, he does. I’ll have to get used to the beard, though.”

“Yeah.” I laughed. “Excuse me, I gotta hit the little girls room.”

I stepped away from Taryn and made my way into the house. I made my way to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Leaning against the door, I sighed. I was battling my thoughts. I knew that Brett had come home safe, and I was happy about that. Something was pulling me to tell me that something was wrong. Something I didn’t want to hear. I shook my head and splashed some water on my face, happy that I put water-proof mascara on. As I dried off my face, I heard a knock at the door.

“Roller? You in there?” The tears came rushing back when I heard the nickname that Brett had given me. I let out a long sigh before opening the door.

“Oh!” I threw my arms around him and proceeded to cry into his shirt.

“Hey, Rox, what’s wrong?” I pulled away and wiped my face.

“Nothing,” I lied. “I’m just so happy you’re home.”

“Are you sure that’s all? There’s no asses I need to kick are there?” He asked, eyebrow raised, in full big brother mode.

I couldn’t hold back the laugh that was escaping my lips. “Oh no, you know me. No boy is good enough for the Roxy Roller.”

He smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was a little off. Maybe listening to the news and the stories I heard was a little too much for me. My brother was home and that’s all that mattered. I smiled up at him as we walked back out to the party.

“I found her, guys!” Brett yelled over to our two brothers. This was the first time I noticed our middle brother, Nick. Brett squeezed my shoulder, causing me to look up at him. “You ready for some two-on-two?”

I rolled my eyes with a smile, a sigh of relief silently going off in my head. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

He shook his head and puffed out his chest. “Nope. Still the same cocky son of a bitch I was 15 months ago. Only now, I got a sweet ass tan.”