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Girl, I Don't Know What You See, You're More Than Just a Mannequin to Me

Eleven;

That night, after the concert and everybody had left the bus to go hang out on Dreaming of Lilian’s bus, I started to get ready. I took a quick shower and put on a pretty dress.

I was digging through my bag for my purse when I heard the door open.

“Alex?” I called. “I’m back here, hold on.”

But the footsteps were too light to be Alex’s. I turned around. Emmie was walking towards me with her eyebrows raised.

“You’re going out with Alex tonight?” she asked me. “What, like a date?”

“No,” I said. “I told him that it’s not a date, we’re just going to get away from the craziness of tour or something."

“Really? ‘Cause you’re sure dressed like you’re going on a date.” She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest.

“No, I just expect we’re going to be going clubbing or something.” I shrugged and found my purse. “Do you have some cash? I’ll pay you back soon.”

“How could you?” Emmie scoffed.

“What? I only need like 20 bucks dude.”

“No. How can you treat Alex like this?”

I stopped moving and turned towards her. She had a look of contempt on her face.

“He’s going to walk in here and think, ‘Look at her. Look how she dressed up for me. Look how fucking beautiful she is'.”

I didn’t know what to say. I lowered my eyes.

“You’re breaking his fucking heart right now, Cayne. You wouldn’t get with him because of what Peyton did to you, and now you’re back with that asshole? Alex would never hurt you like Peyton would. Peyton does not give a shit about anyone but himself. Alex fucking loves you.” She shook her head and flicked her hand at me.

“Peyton loves me!” I denied. “He came back to me! He couldn’t stand what he had done to me. He continues to this day to apologize and cry over it.” Tears of fury filled my eyes. “Don’t fucking say that about him!”

“God, you’re so blind, Cayne,” Emmie seethed. “Peyton’s fucking cheating on you.”

I was so surprised by her accusation that I took a step back.

“How could you say that?” I gasped.

“I caught him, one night. He was in both of your bunk with some bitch from the strip club. I didn’t say shit because I felt like you needed to learn the hard lesson for yourself.” She shook her head again and shrugged. “It’s the hard fucking truth Cayne. You need to swallow it.”

“You’re lying, I can’t believe you!” I yelled. Emmie rolled her eyes.

“Of course you would believe him over me,” she said in a low, snarling voice. “Of course you would take the word of that asshole who tore you apart over your best fucking friend who has always been there for you.” She sighed. “Why can’t you see that Alex is the one that you need to be with? Why can’t you see that you own his whole heart, and that nobody can love you the way he does? Why can’t you see that he is the love in your life? I see it when you look at him. And I see it when he looks at you.”

I wiped at my eyes, trying hard not to smear my makeup. "I miss him, alright?!" I finally admitted. "I miss hanging out with him. I miss joking around with him. I miss going out and having giant Belgian waffles with him. I miss hearing his laugh. I miss him." I let out a deep sigh. "I miss him like hell. But I know there's nothing I can do about it. I'm with Peyton again. That's it. It's over. Done. No matter how much it kills me."

Suddenly there was a knock and Alex stepped on the bus. He took one look at us and looked away.

“I’ll wait outside…” he said.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” I told him, and heard the door clang shut.

“Don’t do this,” Emmie suddenly began to beg me. “Don’t go break that poor boys heart.”

“He knows that we’re nothing to each other,” I told her.

“Cayne, if you leave, then I will never look at you the same,” she threatened. “You will no longer be my best friend, because you will no longer be the person I thought you were.”

I swallowed. Then I walked around her.

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“So what was that about?” Alex asked me later that night. We did not, in fact, go to some club. He took me to a cliff a couple miles out of town and we laid a blanket out, looking up at the stars. “Earlier, with Emmie.”

“We’ve just been getting on each others nerves lately, that’s all,” I said. “Typical bands fights, you know how it goes. It’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

It was quiet for a little while. Alex had instructed the busses to go on without us, seeing as tomorrow was a day off, and said we would catch up in the tour van.

“It’s so pretty out here,” I said eventually, in a quiet voice. “Even if it is cold.” I wrapped Alex’s jacket tighter around me.

“Isn’t it?” Alex agreed. “Jack has a cousin that lives in the small town next to here, she took us out here for a bonfire one night.”

“That’s really nice. I would love to live in a small town.”

“So why don’t you?”

“Because I just have so many ties to Portland. My family, the band, stuff like that. It’s my home, I grew up there, y’know?”

“I get it.”

It was quiet again. I rolled over onto my side so that I was facing Alex.

“What if we just went to sleep out here?” I said. “Laying under the stars, it would be so amazing.”

“It would, but we’d either die from frostbite or coyotes would eat us.” Alex chuckled.

I sighed. “Then let’s prepare to go camping sometime. Like, pick the perfect time. No tours or album recordings in sight. Just pack up a couple bags, leave our cell phones and go sleep in the woods for a week.”

“Are you sure you’d want to be around me when I haven’t showered for a week?”

I giggled. “We’ll camp out next to a river or something.”

Alex chuckled, rolling over to face me as well. “That sounds amazing.” He had this dreamy look on his face. It was too adorable.

We lay in silence again.

“I guess we should get going,” I said, checking the time on my phone. “It’s almost midnight.”

Alex sighed and opened his eyes. I could see them rolling over my face.

And then suddenly, he leaned forward and placed his lips on mine.

A buzzing suddenly filled my head, blocking out any actual thought. I leaned into it, resting my hand on his cheek and shutting my eyes.

Then suddenly a face popped into my head.

I pulled away like he had shocked me, standing up.

“Alex!” I almost shouted. “You told me you knew this wasn’t a date.”

Alex sat up, a puzzled look on his face.

“Yeah, I know…” he had a quiet, hurt puppy sound in his voice. “I just couldn’t help it…”

I took my shoes off and made my way towards the van. I opened the back door.

“Learn to control yourself, I have a boyfriend,” I yelled, not looking at him and climbing into the back. I waited about five minutes, and then he came to the door and threw the blanket in to me. I took it and wrapped it tightly around myself as he climbed into the front seat.

My face was flaming. I reached up and touched my lips with my fingers. They were still tingling.

I looked up and I could see Alex peaking at me through the rearview mirror. I looked back down and laid down on the seat.

“Wake me up when we’re there.”
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