Girl, I Don't Know What You See, You're More Than Just a Mannequin to Me

A few days later, we were in Atlanta, Georgia. We had only about three more weeks left of tour.

We were on stage, in front of a crowd. There was nothing I loved more than looking down at all of their flushed, exited faces.

“Oh baby, I’m cumming my thong,” Abner said from his mic. We had just gotten over some stage banter about how much Brynn resembled a porn star at the moment.

“I hope our next song keeps you that way, Ab!” I joked, grabbing my mic. “Because you’re such an amazing fucking crowd, we’re going to play a new song tonight. This is Anyway. I have to thank the amazing John O’Callaghan for the help in writing it. I love you boo!”

The band immediately launched into the song, and I soon joined.

”I tried finding you at the bottom of a bottle
But you weren’t there to comfort me
I tried going to sleep
But I couldn’t even find you in my dreams
I feel like Dorothy, so lost from home
Never have I ever felt so alone
I’m crying on your doorstep, do you even care?
I can’t help but feel like this is a little unfair”

This really did represent how Peyton and I broke up the first time. How he completely hurt me without a second thought.

”And you left me standing at the roadside, crying in the rain
I don’t know what you want and it’s driving me insane
I’m kinda what you like but I’m not all you need
If you take me back, baby, I’ll be yours to keep
And I miss those times we went driving in your car
I’ve never felt anything like that before
Do you hear me, baby, do you hear what I say?
No matter what happens, I’ll take you back anyway

“Sobered up long enough to realize how dumb I was to send those texts
You didn’t even reply and it’s making me a mess
Who knew that kiss would be the last?
Who knew that you would become the past?”

I put as much emotion as I could into the chorus as it came up again. I felt like I was back all those years ago, and my heart was breaking all over again. I slowly eased into the hook.

”And you left me standing at the roadside, crying in the rain
I don’t know what you want and it’s driving me insane…”

“But you left me broken, bruised, crying at the door
You know I miss you, baby, but I need something more
You’re kinda what I like, but not all I need
It’s time for you to set my heart free
And do you miss all those times I’d stay over at your place?
And we’d sleep with your arm around my waist
Do you hear me, baby, do you hear what I say?
We both could do better anyway”

And when those lyrics left my mouth and the crowd cheered me on, I knew what I had to do.

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Later that night, all dressed up in pajamas, I stepped into the back room of the bus. It was currently on the move and the rest of the band was passed out. I closed the door as to not wake them up and called Peyton.

“Babe?” he answered. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“And you sound awfully chipper,” I said, and though he couldn’t see me, placed a hand on my waist.

“I’m hanging with the guys,” he said quickly. “But what about you? You have a multitude of concerts.”

“The tours going great, thanks for asking.”

“Babe, what’s wrong?” I heard the distress enter his voice. “You’re acting weird.”

“I guess I should cut to the chase,” I shrugged, desperately wanting to run my hands through my hair, a tick I had when I got nervous or stressed, but it was up in a bun on my head. “Peyton, I’m breaking up with you and I want you to return my cat to my mom and you to get the fuck out of my house by the time I’m back from tour in three weeks.”

It was quiet on the other line.

“You’re just really stressed from tour – “

“No, Peyton, I’m serious.” I breathed in a mouthful of air. “I know you’re cheating on me. Emmie caught you.”

He was quiet again for some time. “It was a one time thing, some bitch I met at the club. I was drunk – “

“Save your fucking excuses, Peyton. I have no doubt in my mind that there’s been more instances than that. We’re. Over.”

“Fine, you ugly bitch,” Peyton spat at me with disdain in his voice. “You know what? I don’t even love you. I came back when I found out you were all famous and shit. But whatever. I can get badder bitches than you.”

I scoffed, trying hard to not let my tears fill up in my eyes. It stung, but I did not want to start crying over him.

“Fuck you, Peyton. From the beginning, everybody told me you were using me. Cigarettes, weed. But I’d be like, ‘No, he loves me, why else would he keep me around for so long?’ But I’m not that little girl anymore. I don’t depend on your love.” I sighed. “I’ll be having my sister check up on your progress of packing your shit.” And I hung up.

I sighed, pulling my bag towards me and snaking the pack I had snuck out to buy earlier. I knew this would be a stressful feat. I pulled out a cigarette and opened the bus window, lighting up.

Not long after I had taken my first drag I heard the door open and Emmie stood in the doorway, clad in only cotton shorts and a tank top. She sighed when she saw the cigarette between my fingers and went and took one from my pack.

“I thought I smelled tobacco. Didn’t you quit?” she said, grabbing my lighter and lighting up.

“I know, but I’m stressed,” I said. “I…I broke up with Peyton.”

Her eyes widened slightly, “How’d that go?”

“He was pissed and said some pretty harsh things.” I shrugged. “I’m so sorry, Emmie. I know it took me so long to realize, but you were right. Alex is the one who I love, not Peyton.”

Emmie gave me a soft smile and leaned forward, taking my hand in hers and squeezing. “I’m so happy for you.”