Girl, I Don't Know What You See, You're More Than Just a Mannequin to Me

I stood next to the bus in the lot. The sky was darkening, the moon rising slowly. Wispy clouds floated through the sky, minding their own business.

Even from out here, in the cold night, I could hear All Time Low's set from inside. The sound of Jack's guitar floated through the air. Zack's bass played rhythmic sounds, Rian's drums beating to my heart.

Then there was Alex's voice. His voice...empowered everything. It tied the whole song together. His voice made sound waves that danced beautifully. His voice always enhanced me, tranced me. It was a gorgeous voice to match a gorgeous boy.

My back pressed against the cold exterior of the bus. Wind slapped against my skin lightly. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel against my exposed arms and legs.

Before I knew it All Time Low's set came to a stop. Not too long after I heard Dreaming Of Lilian begin to play.

I slid down into a sitting position, wrapping my arms across my legs. My thighs pressed against my chest. I could feel a sob deep in my chest, clawing to come out. My eyes burned, warning me of the tears that threatened to spill.

"Cayne?"

I jumped at the new voice and looked up. Who I expected to be Alex was really Jack. He towered over me, his long limbs glinting in the street lamps and moon.

"Hey, Jack," I said. I could hear him sigh before he moved to sit next to me.

Together we sit in silence under the night sky, doing absolutely nothing. I felt a strong sense of nostalgia when I recounted the memory of Alex and I sitting on top of his bus, talking. Being ourselves.

Back before I knew he loved me. Back before it got complicated.

"You're not okay."

My head turned to look at Jack. I knew it wasn't a question. It was a statement. He wasn't asking if I was okay. He was telling me I wasn't. His words told me that no matter what I did, he wouldn't believe me if I tried to tell him I was.

So I nodded, "Yeah. I know."

It was quiet for a moment before Jack spoke again.

"He really, really loves you, you know?"

I nodded again, "Yeah. I know that too."

Jack sighed again. "And you really, really love him too."

"Yep," I said.

"I don't get why it's so complicated, Cayne," Jack said suddenly, loudly. "He loves you and you love him. Why don't you just be together?"

Jack was my best friend. Possibly even more then anyone in my band. I knew he was my best friend the moment he walked into me crying in my bedroom a year ago. He hugged me and didn't ask any questions. He was my comfort. It helped me more then I could imagine. And ever since then, I always had this friendship bond with him.

But though he was my best friend, he was still Alex's. I knew Jack's loyalties would always lie there. I knew that no matter what, if it came down to it, he'd pick Alex over me any day. If Alex hurt me, shame on him. Yell at him. But if I hurt Alex more then I had already...that'd be it with Jack and I. I knew that he wouldn't think twice about leaving me behind, if Alex truly believed he should.

And that didn't hurt me. I understood. Alex was Jack's best friend. Alex had been there for Jack throughout who knows what. He'd been the one to help him through break ups in high school and they probably even danced together at prom, knowing them. I got it.

"It's more complicated then you think," I said. I looked over at Jack. "I-I just can't."

Jack slapped his hand against the pavement. He didn't even flinch. I did. "How the hell could it be more complicated then that?"

"I'm with Peyton," I said quietly. "He's the love of my life. He's always been. He's all I know. Alex...I don't know him like I know Peyton. We fell in love over a summer at tour. Peyton and I fell in love over two years of being together."

Jack shook his head, "You don't know how good you two could be together until you try."

"Do you know what Peyton means to me?" I wiped furiously at my eyes, desperate to keep from crying. "Do you know what we've been through together? Alex is amazing and all...and I could see me being with him under different circumstances. But this is the way things are. I know you think that Alex and I should be together...but I don't. That's that."

Jack didn't even say anything when he pushed himself up from the ground and walked back to the building.

And I couldn't fight it anymore. When Jack left me there, I started crying. Under the moon, I sat crying into my knees and I couldn't stop. I felt like these tears were long awaited. My chest became emptier. I felt lighter. A weight was pulled from my shoulders. Crying was what I needed.

But as crying always did, it also left me empty. So when Jack left me there, I felt abandoned.