Girl, I Don't Know What You See, You're More Than Just a Mannequin to Me

I ran my fingers through my hair before continuing to fumble lamely through my bag. “It’s here somewhere,” I told the guard, “I know it.”

The guard cocked a brow at me.

“Oh come on,” I sighed, throwing the bag back over my shoulder. “Isn’t it your job to know the fucking bands on tour? I’m Cayne fucking Wright! The lead singer of the fucking headlining band!”

The guard crossed his arms over his chest and grunted at me. “I don’t appreciate profanity, ma’am.”

I groaned, throwing my head back. After dragging my fingers through my hair once more, I looked angrily up at the bulky dark-skinned guard.

“Look,” I began, “can’t you just take my word for once? I’m Cayne Wright, I pinky promise.” I poked my pinky finger up at him.

The guard glared at me. “I’m not going to threaten my job over a pinky promise, ma’am.”

“You’re threatening your job not letting me in!” I shouted angrily. I checked the time on my watch. “I’m late for sound check, you dick!”

The guard sighed. “I cannot let you in unless you show me a pass telling me you are permitted to this tour. I apologize.”

I blew air out of my mouth in a huff and crossed my arms over my chest, standing tall to mock his pose. “Oh, so just because you’re a little bigger you show authority over me?” I asked him.

“I show authority over you because I say who goes in and out, ma’am,” the guard said through gritted teeth. “You don’t have a power like that.”

“Actually, guards who pay some fucking attention to me let people in at my word,” I corrected him.

“Sorry, ma’am.”

“Okay, listen here you fucking prick – “

“Whoa, what’s going on here?”

I was interrupted by non other then Alex Gaskarth. He stepped up and eyed the guard, then me.

“This woman is trying to get in without a pass,” the guard explained.

“Does she need a pass? She’s the lead singer of the headlining band for God’s sake,” Alex chuckled.

“I fucking told him that!” I threw my arms wildly about.

The guard peered down at Alex then looked at me with wide eyes. He quickly moved out of the way. “I am so sorry, Ms. Wright,” he stumbled over his words. “Please, do not go to my boss about this.”

I stomped through, “You’re lucky I’m a nice fucking person, sir,” I said angrily. “Just do your homework next time.”

“Will do, ma’am.”

Alex and I walked off together.

“Geez,” he said, “the guard doesn’t even know the singer of a famous fucking band that’s headlining in this place?”

“That’s what I’m saying!” I practically yelled in exasperation. Alex chuckled. I let out a breath. “Thanks, though,” I said, calmer now. “Who knows where I’d be if you didn’t show up when you did. I somehow left both my pass and my phone on the bus. It’s fucking weird. I never do that. I swear to god I grabbed them – “

Alex laughed, “It’s fine, Cayne. I like playing hero.”

I giggled and knocked my shoulder into him lightly. “You are my hero, Alex.”

A look crossed his face. I pressed my lips and stepped a little away, hoping he didn’t take that as flirting or anything. I didn’t want to spark hope inside him. The last thing I needed was him believing there was a chance between us.

I looked down at my watch again. “Damn,” I said, “I was going to stop at the bus to drop my shit off but I’m seriously late for sound check. Bye Alex!”

I practically took off running. I felt insanely bad for Alex, but I didn’t want to hurt him. Giving him hope of a chance for us and it not happening was going to hurt him so much more then I already have so far. I couldn’t hurt him anymore then I already had.

When I showed up at sound check, everybody was pissed.

“Where the hell have you been?” Emmie shouted at me.

I threw my bag onto the floor and pulled myself on stage. “Sorry,” I said, taking my place at the microphone. “I somehow forgot both my pass and my phone at the bus and the security guard didn’t believe me when I told him I in the mother fucking tour. I would still be stuck out there if Alex hadn’t showed up when he had.”

“So Alex played hero today?” Brynn joked. My jaw locked when I remembered how I had called Alex my hero. At the look on my face, Brynn burst out in fits of laughter. “Don’t get so mad, Candy Cayne, it was a freaking joke. I know you hate mentions of you two but seriously?”

“Whatever, Brynn,” I said in a tight voice, turning back towards the microphone. “Can we just get this over with?”

“He was just kidding, Cayne,” Emmie stepped up doing her ‘have to fix every fucking thing’ thing.

“You guys now how I feel about shit like that!” I turned right around, glaring at each of them.

“You don’t have to be so fucking uptight about it, though,” Abner said. “He was seriously just fucking around.”

“Well don’t fuck around!” I shouted.

Erix stood up from his drum set in the back and pointed his drum stick to the door. “You know what, Cayne,” he said, “if you’re going to be such a bitch about this, just go back to the fucking bus. We don’t need this right now. We’ll just ask Tess to in for you.”

“Really, Erix?” I growled, pointing a finger to Brynn. “You guys fucking know how I feel about Alex! He should not be joking about shit that fucking deep, okay? You’re really kicking me out?”

“Just go, Cayne!” Emmie said, tensely.

I rolled my eyes and backed my way off stage, hopping down. “Whatever,” I said. “Just don’t fucking talk about Alex again, okay?”

I grabbed my bag and made way for the door, walking out. I turned the corner and ran into a body.

Looking up, I saw Alex. His jaw was tight and he had tears in his eyes. They were filled with hurt, confusion, anger.

My chest swelled at the sight of him.

“A-Alex,” I stuttered, stepping back. Alex stared down at me.

“Am I really that fucking alien to you?” he spat at me. “To where you have to be such a fucking bitch to your friends at a fucking joke about me?”

“Alex…”

“Save it, Cayne,” he said, shaking his head. And with that he turned and walked away.

I leaned against the wall and brought my hand to my face. My cheeks were wet. There was a burning in my gut from the sobs shaking through me. I wrapped my arms around myself, sliding down on the wall.

I let the sobs wrack through my body for a little while. It felt good to let it out. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Finally I pushed myself up off the ground and walked out the door into the sun. It was only 3 o’clock by now. The sun hanging in the sky made a beautiful day. It represented the opposite of how I felt.

I walked towards the bus. My feet sounded ten times louder in my ears. My heart thumped against my chest so hard it hurt.

When I got to the bus I grabbed at the door flimsily, the tears blurring my vision.

I could hear a banging inside. Footsteps thumped against the floor inside. “Sorry, doors locked!” I heard inside. I stepped back and waited patiently, arms crossed. After a little bit longer, the door swung open to reveal a frazzled Peyton. His hair was a mess atop his head and his pajama bottoms hung low on his hips.

He threw me a confused look. “I thought you were at sound check until” – he checked the time on his watch – “ten more minutes?”

I wiped at my eyes, “Something came up.”

“Oh, okay then,” he stepped back, allowing me to climb in. I threw my bag on the couch and walked towards the bunks.

I heard Peyton behind me. He peered over my shoulder. “Erm,” he said, stopping me, “there’s a thong on the ground.”

I looked to the floor and noticed that he was correct, there was a baby blue thong on the ground with a frill and white polka dots.

“Why?” I asked, peering curiously up at him.

“I don’t know,” Peyton shrugged. “I would have picked it up and put it away, but I don’t know if it’s yours or Emmie’s or Key’s. I haven’t seen it before, so I wasn’t so sure…”

I shrugged and kicked off my shoes, walking around it to my bunk.

“Emelda wouldn’t wear something like that,” I said. “Probably Key’s. They’re not mine. I’m going to sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” Peyton swirled me around and gave me that smile of his. “I love you.”

I gave him the best smile I could, “I love you, too, Peyton.” He gave me a quick kiss on the lips before I turned back around and climbed into my bunk. I wrapped the blanket around me, closing my eyes and drifting to sleep.