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Girl, I Don't Know What You See, You're More Than Just a Mannequin to Me

Seven;

Back when I dated Peyton for the first time, I felt like I had absolute control of my life. I had found the person I would spend the rest of my life with, did anything else matter?

These days I just felt like my life was spiraling out of control. I felt like somebody had their long fingers wrapped around my throat, trying to choke the life out of me but I was still clawing at their face, screaming and fighting for my life while somebody else whispered in my ear begging me to just let go.

I didn’t feel like I could fight much longer.

Peyton was always there for me, giving me loving kisses and petting my hair.

But I began to wonder if he was who I really wanted.

Of course he was, wasn’t he? For years after we broke up, I dreamed of the night he’d come whisk me away, whispering sweet apologies in my ear for all the wrong he had done to me. To hear him tell me he loves me again.

I felt insanely selfish because I had finally gotten what I wanted and yet it still wasn’t enough.

“I miss Alejandro,” I murmured, while wrapped up tightly in Peyton’s arms. I felt him nod against my head.

“I’m sure your mothers taking fantastic care of him,” he told me.

“She said she’s getting very big,” I replied. I felt his lips turn into a smile.

“It’s time to get up, you guys,” Emmie banged on the wall beside our bunk. “We have sound check soon.”

She didn’t sound too happy. Nobody was really happy with me these days. Not even Jack.

I had a past with the band, but they were all really pissed off with me right now and probably would never speak to me if it weren’t for the fact that we’re stuck on a tour bus together. It wasn’t just what happened at sound check the other day. It was everything. I was shunning them and paying attention to Peyton. I was treating Alex like he was a piece of garbage.

I was losing myself.

But though I knew what I was doing was wrong, I continued to do it. I just kept isolating myself and pushing myself more towards Peyton.

“Babe, it’s time to get up,” Peyton said to me.

“I heard her,” I said, maybe a little too harshly, and climbed from the bed. I felt myself slipping into a deep, deep depression. I was such a horrible person. I was treating the only person who still spoke to me these days like shit.

I quickly showered and got dressed. I met the band on stage. They waited patiently. Abner glared slightly when he saw me, but I just took my spot at center stage.

Who ever hears of world famous solo guitar artists? Keyboardists? This band was nothing without me, and they knew that. If we broke up, I could go solo and go big. Singers always do.

I held onto that.

Sound check lasted about five minutes before we separated. I went to get breakfast with Peyton.

Unfortunately, when we got back All Time Low was on the bus. I coughed awkwardly and excused myself to the back room.

Peyton sat with my for a little while before telling me that he was going to go check out the record store, and left me alone. I shoved headphones in my ear and listened to Fall Out Boy while re-reading Harry Potter.

Eventually I felt a presence, and turned to see Alex at the door. I pulled the buds from my ear.

“Yes?” I said. Alex came and sat next to me.

“I just…I see how everybody’s been treating you lately, and I’m sorry,” he said to me in a small voice. “I somehow feel like it’s my fault. Like, just because you chose Peyton over me, even your own band turned their backs on you.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Alex…”

He closed his eyes. “It hurts so fucking much, Cayne. I can’t lie to you. But that’s no reason for you to lose all your friends. So…I was going to ask to drop out of your tour. Maybe somebody can come fill in for us. Maybe Rocket.” He said this all very fast.

I felt like I’d been hit in the gut. I was treating him so badly he just couldn’t even go on being around me anymore.

“Alex, don’t do that…” I slid closer to him, wrapping my hands around his body. “You’re a guest band on this tour, and Peyton has absolutely no relation to it. If anyone should leave, it should be him.”

“Cayne – “

“No, Alex. We invited you onto this tour and I’m not going to force you out of it. He can go take care of Alejandro for me.” I smiled softly. “Please don’t go.”

Alex smiled softly back on me. “I won’t ever leave, if you don’t want me to.”