We Only Breathe For So Long

What is it with people reading my minds and finding a way to leave me absolutely speechless and with a tomato face? Whatever their motives are, Eric always managed to have that effect on me. He landed on a hockey match - Carolina Hurricanes versus Pittsburgh Penguins. It was almost half way throughout the game and the scoring board was still zero for both teams. The game wasn't too exciting because it was a replay of an old match, one in which I had watched with my dad live. The silence was excruciating, I wanted to speak with Eric.

“I watched this match live with my Dad.”

He rapidly stood up, turned his head towards me and just looked at me in absolute disbelief. “Are you kidding me?”

“I’m serious. We were even recorded in the end of the game when Penguins win. My Dad supports them and it was the last game we attended before I moved here,” I said while looking at my hands. His eyes were on me and I could feel it, another reason to look down.

“Okay, scratch ‘I like you this far’. You’re by far much cooler than I thought you were a few minutes ago,” he smirked.

“What?” I looked up, grinning. “Just because of a match? It wasn’t even a great match! Staal weren’t even playing and I wanted to see them for once at least.”

“Just because of a match?” he mocked my voice. He threw his head back laughing. “You are not normal Kylie.”

“Oh, I’ve learned from the best.”

I slowly put a strand of hair behind my hair and crossed my legs. I looked up to the TV and realized that in a few minutes my Dad and I would preoccupy the screen. When I looked at Eric, he was still looking at me.

“What? It’s true! You aren’t normal yourself!” I giggled.

He rolled his eyes in a jokingly way. “Yeah, I know. But it’s not that.”

When guys say that after staring at you for a while, it’s a sign. He will say something that will make you become the color red itself. That’s what I’ve learned from the past years.

“It’s no big deal. I watched this match hundreds of time because my Dad wanted to see us on the screen over and over again. It’s pretty ironic that it’s on TV today. I spoke to him today. He’s probably watching it right now.”

I was staring at the TV but I was really looking nowhere. My mind was running and a knot started to form in my throat.

“I miss my parents too.”

I looked down once again. “God… terribly.”

“Try living five years off their guard. In high school, it sounded like a dream. Now that it’s here, it isn’t so cool.”

“I’m sorry,” I said softly while looking at him. He wasn’t looking at me for a change so I used this moment to look at him instead. Absorb all his facial details even though I knew them all.

He chuckled. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

I looked up to the TV and the game was reaching its end. “It’s coming.”

He paid attention to the TV. A few seconds later, my Dad and I filled the screen. It was minutes before the last score. My Dad and I were wearing matching Penguins caps and I looked as normal as a human could possibly look. At first we were concentrated and my Dad had concern all over his face. Once we scored, my Dad immediately stood up and raised his arms while shouting enthusiasm. I followed his lead and then we hysterically hugged each other in utter happiness. My smile was just as big as his. He hugged me off the ground for a few seconds and then the camera changed angles to the arena. Eric just kept staring at the TV. I didn’t quite know what to say as usual.

“Wow.”

“What?” I asked.

“That was like, the happiest little moment I’ve ever seen on TV!” he said, looking at me once again. “How do you do it?”

I looked down and started playing with my hands once again. “How I do what?”

“I don’t actually quite know...” he spoke softly, almost to himself. “Be so amazing.”

He quickly turn around and started to spoke rapidly as if he didn’t say it now, he would forget later. “I mean, you’ve been through a lot of stuff. And that’s only a part that I know of. You’re not that type of girl that is completely egoistical or cares about herself much. Even though you went through a lot, you still get out of bed everyday and don’t really care about yourself as much as you care for others. How can you be so great without anything motivating you to be that great?” said Eric while thinking about his words and formulating questions in his own little head.

“I, I… Don’t know.” I shyly answered his question and admitted that to myself.

His question made me stop and think. It made me realize how true it is. How can I put up a front after all this crap and still keep on going? Is it even a good thing? Lately, most of my answers are ‘I don’t know’ for me.

He sighed and laid back. “You’re just-”

“I think I can answer your question. I never really thought about this before but I think I might have an answer for it.” I interrupted him before I forgot my explanation.

“Please, share the secret.”

“I have a dead mom. So what?”

My shocking words took him by surprise and he quickly sat up and faced me.

“That doesn’t mean I get to walk around and feel pity for myself every time. There are probably thousands of people out there who don’t have moms either but I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to sit around and wish that she was still around because that won’t bring her back or do wrong things to fill a void. I want to forget about it because remembering it won’t do any good. I, I…” I had trouble into putting my thoughts into the correct words. “I think that if this didn’t happen, if mom was still alive… I wouldn’t be me. Moving here made me feel more alive than I’ve ever felt in years. But those are thoughts. My answer still remains as I don’t know.” I chuckled and looked up at him.

“You’re just amazing. Did you just hear yourself? That was a president speech! I vote Kylie for president,” he laughed. Eric always lightened up the mood, no matter how dreadful or deep the subject was.

I laughed along with him. “Don’t flatter me as if you weren’t good yourself. All egos aside, have you ever met someone funnier than yourself? I sure haven’t! When you speak to people they actually want to listen to you. Not because of a handsome face or a playful joke but because you just…” I couldn’t manage to find the words to quite describe him.

“Wait. Rewind. Handsome?” he grinned.

I threw my head back and laughed. “All egos aside!” I emphasized.

“Okay, okay! You do have a point there. But still, I don’t really matter! You have to stop caring so much about others, it’s going to break you someday.”

The tone to his voice suggested that he talked about it from experience. I nodded my head.

“Yeah, I know it will. But to hell with it! We will always lose people. Not caring about people will only make you lose twice as much. And since I’m already lost, losing people isn’t so tragic anymore.” My half smile was soft.

“Marry her,” Jane said as she came into sight from the kitchen. “She said it all. Plus, she agreed to spend five hours with you. Wife her.”

Eric and I laughed and didn’t say a word after that.

“Time flies when you’re having fun by cleaning the kitchen floor,” said Greg. “I got to go!”

He picked up his car keys and started to hug Eric as a goodbye gesture.

“Mind giving me a ride?” I asked Greg.

“Bike still broken?” Eric asked.

“Yeah. Now I’m officially part of the pedestrian and the ‘dude, give me a ride’ class.”

We both laughed at our inside joke. Jane and Greg just looked at each other, not catching our drift.

“Sure,” Greg replied.

We all said our goodbyes and goodnights while standing half inside the house and half outside in the freezing cold.

“Thanks for all the help, you’re lovely.” Jane hugged me and kissed my cheek softly.

“It’s a pleasure, thanks for having me!” I hugged her back.

She said goodbye to Greg with a hug too and I went over to Eric.

“Thanks for the invite, it was fun!” I smiled.

“Best decision of my life,” he grinned.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. I shortened the space keeping us apart and hugged him. My hands fell on his shoulder blades and his arms surrounded my waist while pulling a strong hug.

“Thanks for coming,” he whispered.

“Anytime,” I smiled and broke the hug.

Greg and I made our way to his old car.

“Greg, if you subscribe an entry to Pimp My Car you will definitely get in the show!” I giggled.

He laughed, “very funny Miss.”

The ride was short and cold. It was almost midnight and sleep was almost empowering my brain completely.

“Is there anything going on between you and Eric?” Greg suddenly spoke through the silence.

“Besides communication, I don’t think so.”

I tried to turn my answer into a joke so that this time my response would be more convincing and less awkward. “Why?” I asked out of curiosity.

“He looks at you as if he was in front of the freaking altar and you were the bride walking down the isle!” he exclaimed.

I laughed. “No he does not! That’s in your head, who looks at someone like that besides the groom himself?” I laughed some more.

“I don’t know. Dogs watching the chicken oven spin?” he joked as he stopped the car.

“You are an unique child, Greg.” I kissed his cheek and got out of the car.

I finally passed through the main doors and went to my room. There was a body half asleep on my bed and it could’ve only been Sophie. I heard a light, high-pitched snore. Yeah, it was her. I tossed my bag and jacket on the sofa and collapsed on my bed beside her. Lately I’ve been coming hope so late that I don’t even sleep in pajamas anymore. Angela will definitely want an explanation soon. Just as I closed my eyes to enter dreamland, Sophie spoke.

“I tried to stay awake until you got home but that didn’t work quite well,” she said under her breath. “The opening show is on Monday, I just wanted to tell you now since you said I had to tell you in advance. Can we please go?”

The thought of seeing John made me grin even though I was too tired to even do so. “Of course we can.”

Those were my last words and everything went black after that.