We Only Breathe For So Long

I headed down three roads from the douche’s house, arriving at the nearest bar. As I entered the unaesthetic and smelly manhole, I removed my leather jacket, placing it on the chair I was about to sit on by the counter.

The place looked filthy with hundreds of papers scattered all over the floor. Men laughed loudly over a game of cards or pool. They were just as pathetic as myself, most likely using this bar as their hideaway from their unhappy homes and mad wives.

“Beer,” I demanded carelessly, placing a ten-dollar bill on the counter. Alcohol is marvelous. It’s the best possible way to drown the sorrows away and man, did I need that.

Just like old times, I thought.

I drank for as long as it was necessary to keep her off my mind, to give me a break from thinking about her. I lost count of how much I drank the more the barman kept the beers coming. I think it was on my fifth beer, or eighth, that I realized she still managed to control my mind and heart. No alcohol could drown that one stubborn girl who I loved so much.

“Is this seat taken?” he asked, pushing the chair and taking a seat without my consent.

I didn’t reply, didn’t even flinch. I knew his voice very well. Better than I desired to know. He ordered a beer after he took his wallet out, scanning it for spare change. He paid the barman who brought his beer almost instantly, opening it with ease and taking a sip out of it, hoping it would bring his muscles to rest.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with Kylie?” I scowled without so much as a glance.

“I’m meant to be buying ice-cream.”

I chuckled, wanting to punch this guy in the face. He had her presence, why would he leave her to meet her boyfriend in a poor looking bar? He lied to her, with a simple sentence like that, I already deciphered his character.

“What do you want to do with me?” I said under my breath, trying to push the itch sensation that was burning my fists.

“You’re the boyfriend, you should know,” he said with a neutral tone.

Second strike. I stood up from my seat, not knowing if I should punch his pretty face, walk out, or do both. I grabbed his jacket, pulling him close to me so he could hear me clearly without needing to raise my voice. “I may be skinny, but the desire to beat the fuck out of you is bigger than your muscles.” I snarled.

He solemnly glanced sideways, not daring to breathe. Smart move. “I’m sorry man, just hear me out.”

I paused before letting go of his jacket forcefully, returning to my seat and drinking the remains of my beer in one go, ordering another one. Meanwhile, I grabbed the beer bottle strongly, trying to gain control of my hands so it wouldn’t end up breaking his nose. I was hoping this would be my last beer for the night, that I wouldn’t need another drink because I’d be zoned out before I made my way back to the bus.

He stared at his hands, fiddling with his beer and reading its label. “I only remember her,” he began to speak, “everything else is still a blur.”

Did this guy honestly think I fucking cared about whenever he remembered dancing with unicorns or not? I shook my head in a sarcastic manner, letting a chuckle leave my lips. “You don’t have to try and gain sympathy from my side because you never will.”

He ignored my comment, pausing as he sloshed down his beer. “I love her.”

Third strike. That was it. He pushed my limits.

I stood up. Before he even realized what was taking place, I punched his stomach vigorously, not damaging his face so Kylie wouldn’t ask questions later.

“DON’T YOU THINK I LOVE HER EITHER?” I screamed at the top of my lungs. All the voices in the background ceased, eyes stared at me, as I was about to kick the asshole standing in front of me again.

He attempted to regain the breath that was taken out of him and I sat down, ordering two Tequila shots this time. I drank the first one, feeling it burn as it raced down my throat. I looked down at the cup, playing with it with my fingers. My heart felt heavy, I couldn’t even keep a sarcastic smile anymore. The alcohol was kicking in, but it just made me feel dizzy and like shit.

“I love her too,” I whispered, not wanting to waste my energy with him, tired of trying so hard. “Since day one, since the first time I laid eyes on her. I wondered for days if I’d ever see her again and there she was the next day.” I faintly smiled at the thought, recalling how beautiful she looked as she kneeled down to pick up her flowers.

“I’m so sorry miss, it’s my fault,” I said as I stared deeply into her eyes. I felt hypnotized by the brown shade of color her eyes possessed. They were so simple and natural, making her look average.

“It’s alright,” she said while standing up and trying to fix the smashed flowers in her hands. She had a question formulating in her head, I could notice that by the way she had frowned the tip of her nose.

“Are you from Arizona?” she asked.

I thought a little before answering her question, knowing we had something in common. “Yeah I actually am. And by the sound of it, you are too. Aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am.”

There was a pause and I couldn’t help but stare at her, her face was so normal yet welcoming and beautiful. I could’ve found someone that looked like her easily if I searched, but no other person would be quite as intriguing as her.

“I am sorry for your flowers miss…” I had an apologetic expression as I spoke and prolonged the pronunciation of the last word.

“Kylie,” she said sheepishly. She cleared her throat and repeated her name clearer while putting her hand out to offer a handshake, “Kylie.”

I smiled, noticing she seemed just as interested as I was. Her name was music to my ears, making them itchy as I pronounced her name in my head.

“Kylie,” I repeated her name out loud, secretly wishing her name would become familiar and so would her presence. I stretched out my hands and introduced myself. ”I’m John.”

The reminiscing of that memory made my heart feel less heavy, making the pain even stronger. “I didn’t know if karma wanted to make me want her so it could snatch her back just as fast. But she never ran away. She stayed. And now she’s gone, slipping away ever so slowly through my fingers like sand.”

I sloshed down my second shot, gabbing my jacked as I propelled myself up, more than ready to leave.

“She’ll have to choose one of us.” His statement made me refrain from taking any steps further, but I didn’t turn to meet his eyes. “When she does, I don’t mind if it isn’t me. As long as she’s happy.”

I turned around, standing taller and looking at him with nothing more than apathy. “Let’s hope she doesn’t choose you then.”