Lead Me Into the Rhythm

The show went surprisingly well. There were a lot of teenagers at this one and almost half of them bought our CD. We took pictures with a few girls that thought we were just the coolest thing on this planet and it made me feel good inside. I realized that they're the reasons why I'm still in this band. I want to make kids happy.

"Hey, Zack. How you doing, bud?" Val wrapped her arms around my shoulders, while I placed my guitar in the van.

Val is Matt's girlfriend and she is probably the most sweetest and caring person you could ever become friends with. I can honestly tell her anything and she won't say a word to anybody.

I shrugged my shoulders a bit in her arms, "I'm okay. How about you?"

She let go, so she could stare me in the eye, "Why didn't you tell me?"

My eyes widened and fear started to run through my veins. I didn't think she would ever find out. I didn't think Matt would ever tell her.

"I-"

Val cut me off, by grabbing my arm gently. She pushed the sleeve up and sighed, "Zacky, you said you would come to me if you ever did it again."

Relief washed over me, knowing that this was what she was talking about. I pulled my arm away from her, "I didn't want to bother you. I'm fine, I just had a bad night. Besides, who told you?"

She hesitated, before speaking, "Brian noticed it in the van." Fucking Haner.

My jaw started to clench up and I balled my hands into fists. Val placed a hand on my arm, "Zack, he's just looking out for you-"

I cut her off, "I don't care! He doesn't need to stick his nose in my business. He doesn't know me and I don't want him to know me!"

She sighed, while rubbing my arm, trying to calm me down, "Look, just please don't start any fights tonight, okay? Can you do it for me?"

I did everything in my power to avoid looking her in the eye, but I finally cracked. Seeing her puppy dog eyes made me groan, "Fine, I won't start anything."

She smiled and patted the top of my head, "Good boy." I rolled my eyes, while slapping her hand away.

Matt and the others met up with us. Matt snaked an arm around Val's waist, making sure to send a glare my way, which I happily returned.

He cleared his throat before talking, "Alright tonight is probably the most money we made. You guys will actually get a share of this and the owner invited us back here next month."

Jimmy cheered, "Fuck yeah! We're going to be famous!" I rolled my eyes as the others joined in on the cheering.

Matt calmed everyone down again, "Rooming arrangements are still the same. We're just going to stick with them for the rest of the time, so I'm going to give you guys your share and then, get into the van, so we can get some sleep."

Val placed a kiss on his cheek, before heading to the front of the van. Matt pulled out a wad of cash and went to Dameon first, "Everyone gets 50 bucks and my advice is to spend it wisely. I would save it, because not every show is going to be like this." Matt went around, handing everyone there share.

Of course he waited to give my share last. Everyone was in the van, while Matt tried to make it look like he was trying to count my share out. I rolled my eyes at his stupid games.

He looked up and slapped the money on my chest, "You need to watch what you say to Brian. I don't need him breathing down my neck."

I shoved the money in my pocket, glaring at Matt, "I didn't tell him anything!"

"Well let's keep it that way. Brian wouldn't care about you, anyways. No one will." He sneered, before walking to the driver's side of the Van.

What he said took a few moments to process in my head. It was because of things like that, that make me so insecure about myself. I only have one person to thank for that one.



We got to the motel for the night and I refused to even walk into the room to see Brian. I decided to stand outside and smoke. There were a lot of things running through my mind and most of them involved punching Brian. I had to try to block them out, only because I promised Val that I wouldn't start anything.

Once my cigarette was finished, I realized that I had no other choice, but to head into the room. Maybe I could get lucky and find Brian already asleep. As I opened the door, I spotted Brian watching some sitcom on the TV.

My luck fucking sucks.

Brian noticed me and shut the TV off. I shut the door behind me hoping he wouldn't want to talk, because I don't know if I can have a conversation with him at this very moment.

Surprisingly, he didn't say anything as I walked over to my bags. I could feel him staring at me and it was slowly eating me alive. I tried my best to ignore him.

I opened my bag to pull out some clothes, when Matt's words came running through my mind.

"Brian wouldn't care about you, anyways. No one will."

The anger that I was trying to keep bottled up, came flooding out. I whipped my shirt across the room and I kicked my suitcase, making it hit the bathroom door. I started to pace with my hands on my head.

Brian was at my side within seconds, "Zack, what's wrong?"

"Now, why the fuck should I tell you?! So, you can go tattle on me to Val or yell at Matt, because you think you know what's wrong. Let's get something straight, you don't fucking know me at all!" I screamed, letting myself get worked up.

Brian remained calm during my whole rant and he placed a hand on my shoulder, which only made me stiffen and shrug it off. I glared at him, "Don't fucking touch me! You have no right at all! You don't own me! You don't need to control me-" I ranted on until I finally realized that all those words were meant for Matt, not Brian.

I stood there, regaining my control, trying to figure out what Brian was going to say to me after I said all of that. When he didn't say anything, I just walked into the bathroom, making sure to slam the door. I knew what I needed and I didn't care what Brian or even Val thought of me. Matt is right, no one cares about me.

I pulled out my pocked knife that was in my jeans and flipped it open. Just as I was about to make another cut in my skin, there was a knock on the door, "Zack, don't do it." I froze, not sure how to react at Brian knowing what I was about to do.

He continued on, "Don't give Matt the satisfaction. He wants you to feel unwanted, he wants you to feel like you're a piece of garbage. I know you feel like you're worthless, but you're not. You're better than this and you're better than him. Show Matt that nothing he does or says, gets to you. Show him what a real man is."

After hearing that, it made me think about everything and I wasn't exactly sure if I could show Matt that what he does or says doesn't affect me. He knows how to get under my skin, he knows how to control me. I decided that a good night's sleep would help my mind.

I headed back out in the room to find Brian sitting on the bed and I sat next to him. I wasn't sure what I was doing, but I just let my mind do the talking.

"You don't know me."

"I know."

"I hated you."

"I know you did."

I shook my head, still not grasping the picture, "Then why are you trying to help me?"

Brian turned his head and I realized that we were inches apart. On instinct, I started to bite on one of my snakebites, as my heart beat started to quicken. He took his hand and placed it under my chin. He took his thumb and put it below my bottom lip.

I watched his dark brown eyes carefully as he pulled down on my skin, making me release my bite. My mouth was open and I had no intent on closing it. Brian lowered his head and I started to get nervous.

Before his lips could even touch mine, he spoke, "I care about you, Zacky." His warm breath blew against my mouth and his husky voice was sending shivers down my spine.

I finally realized what was going on and I got up from the bed. Brian became confused, "Zacky, what's wrong?"

"Nothing I just need a smoke." I rushed out of the motel room, before Brian could say anything else. My heart was still beating fast and my palms were sweaty. I shook my head, praying that this wasn't happening.

He took your spot in the band.

I tried telling myself that, but it's gotten to the point where I don't even care.

"Fuck!" I cursed, knowing that I was becoming attracted to Brian and there wasn't anything I could say to myself to stop it.